We have mentioned fetishes before in several of our articles here on CN. I wanted to set the record straight and make clear what my definition of a fetish is. Let me start off by copying what the online dictionary says a fetish is:
Psychology . any object or nongenital part of the body that causes a habitual erotic response or fixation.
- Something, such as a material object or a nonsexual part of the body, that arouses sexual desire and may become necessary for sexual gratification.
- An abnormally obsessive preoccupation or attachment; a fixation.
All three of the above go together, but the middle part is the biggie for me. A fetish is something that you need for sexual gratification. In other words, you cannot become aroused unless you have that object. I’ll give you a couple of examples.
I know there are couples that enjoy spanking during sex. I’ll even admit to liking an occasional swat to the backside myself. This can be a totally normal part of a healthy relationship. There are some women, however, who cannot become aroused unless they are spanked (sometimes repeatedly). The usual kissing and fondling and touching does nothing for them unless they are spanked. The spanking is what finally pushes them over that edge of being turned on. She may even swat herself during masturbation. This is when spanking is an unhealthy fetish. The wife needs the spanking to become aroused for her husband.
There are some husbands who really like stilettos. Finding your wife sexy when she dresses up for you in her high heels is one thing, but insisting that she wear them during every sexual encounter is “an abnormally obsessive preoccupation or attachment; a fixation.” If the husband is unable to get an erection without seeing his wife in stilettos, then that is unhealthy. If he can get an erection but is unable to maintain one unless the stilettos come out, again that is unhealthy. These scenarios would be considered fetishes to me.
Remember that the definition above said “object or nongenital part of the body.” So ladies, rest assured that your husband’s fixation on your boobs or rear is a normal and natural response to the way God made you! He’s supposed to find them very much a turn on! And again, liking things like stockings, red nail polish, light bondage, or occasional spanking is fine. It’s when you come to rely on those specific things for your arousal and gratification that it can become a problem.