We have mentioned fetishes before in several of our articles here on CN.  I wanted to set the record straight and make clear what my definition of a fetish is.  Let me start off by copying what the online dictionary says a fetish is:

Psychology . any object or nongenital part of the body that causes a habitual erotic response or fixation.

  • Something, such as a material object or a nonsexual part of the body, that arouses sexual desire and may become necessary for sexual gratification.
  • An abnormally obsessive preoccupation or attachment; a fixation.

All three of the above go together, but the middle part is the biggie for me.  A fetish is something that you need for sexual gratification.  In other words, you cannot become aroused unless you have that object.  I’ll give you a couple of examples.

I know there are couples that enjoy spanking during sex.  I’ll even admit to liking an occasional swat to the backside myself.  This can be a totally normal part of a healthy relationship.  There are some women, however, who cannot become aroused unless they are spanked (sometimes repeatedly).  The usual kissing and fondling and touching does nothing for them unless they are spanked.  The spanking is what finally pushes them over that edge of being turned on.  She may even swat herself during masturbation.  This is when spanking is an unhealthy fetish.  The wife needs the spanking to become aroused for her husband.

There are some husbands who really like stilettos.  Finding your wife sexy when she dresses up for you in her high heels is one thing, but insisting that she wear them during every sexual encounter is “an abnormally obsessive preoccupation or attachment; a fixation.” If the husband is unable to get an erection without seeing his wife in stilettos, then that is unhealthy.  If he can get an erection but is unable to maintain one unless the stilettos come out, again that is unhealthy.  These scenarios would be considered fetishes to me.

Remember that the definition above said “object or nongenital part of the body.”  So ladies, rest assured that your husband’s fixation on your boobs or rear is a normal and natural response to the way God made you!  He’s supposed to find them very much a turn on!  And again, liking things like stockings, red nail polish, light bondage, or occasional spanking is fine.  It’s when you come to rely on those specific things for your arousal and gratification that it can become a problem.


  1. So you are saying that if the fixation is on a genital part of the body, then it’s not a fetish? The reason I ask is that I think I may have a fetish, but the object I always think about is my husbands penis. I know that may sound perfectly healthy, but to me, it doesn’t seem healthy because frequently, I need to imagine him masturbating and finishing to put me over the top. It’s hard for me to orgasm if I don’t imagine him masturbating. I’m not sure why this is, I just think it’s very sexy.

    The second thing I admit is very shameful but I have to ask because I need to know the answer. Sometimes to push me over the top I imagine that I am the one with the penis and I am masturbating. When I orgasm in the fantasy, I usually orgasm in real life. I have been married for a year now, and have never had any stuggles with homoxexuality or desiring to be male or anything like that. I just think the penis (particularly my husbands) is very sexy. I don’t, however, think I should think of it as much as I do during sex. I want to be physically and mentally present with my husband during our lovemaking, not just thinking of his body parts. What can I do?

  2. I really don’t think that what you are describing is all that odd. I’ve also imagined what it must be like to have a penis, and in my visions, I of course, give myself a very large one 😆 Despite these visualizations, I have always considered myself fairly normal 🙂

    I understand what you say about wanting to be physically and mentally present with your husband, but you two have only been married for a year or so, and so you are still in the newlywed phase. I think it’s perfectly normal for you to be visualizing your dh’s penis because sex is still kind of a “newness” for you. I’ve been married over 17 years now and i still frequently visualize my husband touching himself to help me get aroused. I think that the longer you are married the more you two will grow and mature in your love for one another and this issue will work itself out.

  3. Thank you! Your response was very helpful 🙂

  4. My husband of 6 years has a throat fetish. Not deepthroating, just the inside of the throat. I’m beginning to think that that’s the only part of me he’s attracted to, and it’s starting to cause some insecurities on my part. I don’t know what to do anymore. I’m not entirely comfortable with it. But the more serious part is how the rest of me feels ignored. I want him to enjoy me as a woman, not just as a throat. (That even sounds bizzare as I read over it.) It’s starting to cause serious body image issues with me. I’m of average size and shape, but I’m getting more and more preoccupied with diet and exercise, thinking that maybe if I looked better he’d be attracted to the rest of me.
    He’s somewhat sensitive about the topic since he knows how unusual it is, so I’m hesitant to talk to him about it. I tried looking up some info on google about it, but um, that didn’t lead anywhere I wanted to go. But it seems very rare.
    What do I do? Submit to my husband? Refuse?

  5. I am so glad that you decided to post about this issue. Its not always easy to discuss things that most would consider so abnormal. I, however fully understand your situation, as my hubby also finds my throat/neck insatiably sexual. I found a few websites that were not only helpful, but included little to no unacceptable pornographic images, as most pictures were of various necks/throats. What you would be glad to know is that many of the women were of completely normal builds as well! Esophogeal Fixation has nothing to do with a woman’s body type, but with her own unique upper digestive tract. It sounds crazy, I know, but I wanted to let you know that a normal sexual relationship is possible even with such specific turn ons. My husband likes to caress and pay special attention to my neck and mouth during sex and I have grown to love the sensation (as well as how aroused he becomes during this foreplay!)

    Go with God sister! And remember, the throat of a whale was not even too much for God to lead Jonah, His most faithful seaman through!

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