Have you ever asked that question? Do you know of anyone who feels that God tempts them with things?
One of my most favorite books in the Bible is the book of James. I just love how he tells it like it is. There is no sugar coating on James’ words in this book! I was reading tonight in my favorite book, and I read this….
When tempted, no one should say, “God is tempting me.” For God cannot be tempted by evil, nor does he tempt anyone; 14but each one is tempted when, by his own evil desire, he is dragged away and enticed. 15Then, after desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, gives birth to death. (James 1:13-15)
I am reminded by this verse of an email we got once about the strong temptations that one reader was having in regards to staying pure. This reader was asking for our help and suggestions for what to do and how to set boundaries. There are some people in this world who give in to the temptation to have premarital sex and blame this strong desire to have relations with their fiancee’ (or fiance’) on God. It must be God that is tempting me to defile my future marriage bed. Why would God tempt me with sex when I know that he wants me to remain pure? Dear one, it isn’t God that is tempting you. It is Satan. Take a look at the verse again. James tells us that God cannot be tempted by evil, nor does he tempt anyone. So why do we blame it on God?
Because it is what Satan is telling us to do.
Remember back in the Garden of Eden….Eve was tempted, not by God, but by the serpent, who twisted God’s words around to make Eve believe what she wanted to believe, not what God told her. Why wouldn’t that wiley snake still be doing that to us today?
Look at all the non-believers who tell us on a daily basis, “If there is a God, why does he let this happen?” It’s because we don’t believe in Him anymore…we have been given our own free will. God is always there. Whether or not we choose to include God in our choices is also our free will, but God doesn’t ever leave or forsake us.
Is it God’s fault that I didn’t save myself for my husband? Nope. That would be my own bad choices. I was “dragged away and enticed” by my own evil desires. The desire gave birth to sin when I acted on it. God wanted me to save myself…he told me so in the Bible, but I chose to sin.
The next time you feel that temptation to do something that the Holy Spirit is telling you “NO!”, don’t listen to Satan who is only going to drag you down and drag you away from God. Look to God, reach out to God and seek his wisdom in all your decisions. Even though temptations may be so very strong and irresistible, remember God’s words…
No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it. (1 Corinthians 10:13)
Who will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear? God. Who will pull you out when you think you’re at your bursting point? God. So when Satan comes a knockin’ with all guns blazing, and you think you cannot possibly turn away, remember that God is there. No porn, no sin is greater than God. Look to him to help you out. He’ll be there every time.
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Christian Nymphos 
Thank you for this article. I have struggled with being bi-curious as far back as grade school. I don’t feel as though I am gay, but feel strong physical urges toward other women. I am happily married to a wonderful man, we’ve been together for 19 years. I and am in my middle 30’s and have supressed these feelings off and on for all these years, but right now they are stronger than they have ever been. My husband, who is also a christian, wants me to act on my desires. Us verbalizing our fantasies together in regard to having another woman in our bedroom has brought us closer together and has brought our intimacy to another level. However, I still have this little voice inside of me telling me that this is wrong. I know that it’s the Holy Spirit, that’s why I have never acted on my feelings before. But now, my husband and I are fantasizing about other women with us. I’m even planning to go out to dinner with one of them this weekend with the hopes of at least sharing my desire for her verbally although in my heart I’m kind of hoping that it goes further. I’m plotting and planning it. Oh my goodness….what am I doing?
Someone…help with some advice?
My response is not going to be politically correct, but please know that I do not judge you any more harshly that I judge myself on issues where I am prone to sin. My recommendation is for you to cancel your dinner plans with this woman and commit yourself to plotting and planning for an invasion of God and His freedom into the deepest part of who you are. I do not shame you and I do not believe that God does either. It is my understanding from scripture (and many in our culture would disagree with me) that while I am firmly convinced that God loves you extravagantly and nothing in your behaviour could change that, this plan that you are making will not bring about good fruit in your life. I do not believe that God blesses same gender sexual relations. I can relate to how strong the temptation is to want to explore an area of sexuality that is sinful, but I do not agree that it is right for you to be creating circumstances for yourself to be tempted to act out on your sinful desires.
I know the popular mantra is to accept everyone as they are and keep your own standards for yourself while letting other people choose how they want to live. I am not like that though. I do have some convictions that I know are directly for me and are not to be transferred to others (whether or not to celebrate Halloween, for example), but there are some things that I believe God has been clear about and same sex intimacy is the one of those things. It doesn’t mean I don’t love homosexuals/bisexuals, but it is possible to love someone even when you don’t agree with certain things about their lifestyle.
I agree – I too encourage you to turn and walk away. You will not build intimacy with your husband by introducing another person into your marriage. It may seem exciting when you talk about it, but in the end it will damage your relationship.
Thank you! I appreciate you taking the time to respond. Luckily we are moving in a few days so it will not be an issue with her, or the other women that we’ve talked about. However, I’m sure that unless I put an end to our fantasizing about it, this situation will come up again.
Thank you for your response, cinnamonsticks. I appreciate you taking the time to do so. And I do appreciate your honesty and not watering down your thoughts just to not offend. I/People need the truth! That’s why I asked for advice 🙂
From the feel that I get from your message, we are a lot alike in terms of standards. We are pretty strict with our lives, try to live holy. We don’t celebrate Halloween either and listen to only christian music (at least I do, my husband is loser on this than I). And it’s God honoring music, not the stuff that sounds like rock and roll but is supposed to be “christian”. We don’t go along with the “norm” or what is acceptable to society, we try to make our standards of life according to the Bible.
Having said that, this is the area of sin that “so easily besets” me. As I stated, I’ve had these bi-curious feelings for 27 years or so. I can go a couple of years at a time without it being an issue, then I’ll have a spell where I give in to the thoughts and then tighten up and resist again. Although I have never acted on these thoughts. It doesn’t help my desire to stand for what I know is right when I know my husband wants a threesome as well (and is a christian). I keep looking for ways to justify it, I suppose. I know that I am putting myself in a situation of temptation by going to dinner, but aside from the sexual desire, she is a good friend and it would be nice just to have some girl time out without the kids. I also know that my christian testimony will be compromised by doing this. She has looked up to me for advice, scripture and so on. When I’m thinking with my emotions I want something to happen with her, but when I think with my head, I don’t.
I understand your need to go out and have some time away from your routine. I just think that you could just as well plan a wonderful time in peace and quiet by yourself and it wouldn’t put you in a tempting situation. In fact you could invite Jesus to be your companion and help heal this part of your broken soul.
When I have had sinful sexual temptation, what has worked for me is to talk to my Christian friends to ask them to pray for me. In your situation it sounds like that would open a door to you asking them to join you in your sin so you’ll have to see if that is wise or not.
The other thing you need to do is to do to get free is to actually talk to Jesus about this. Don’t try to hid it from him. Tell him your temptation and start seeking His truth about the root of this temptation in your life. Most people deal with long term temptations or areas where they are more prone to sin at some point in there lives. BUT it doesn’t have to stay that way. There is a reason why this sin tendency is in your heart. God knows what it is and if you seek Him he will reveal it to you. At each step along the way, as Jesus reveals His truth, invite him into the situation, ask Him to remove the lie from your heart and replace it with His truth.
Just remember that all the conservative, “proper” decisions that you feel that you make do not erase the sorrow of sin in your life. Mine too. We need to always be mindful that as we become more in tune with the voice of God and surrender ourselves more deeply to the process of the Lord’s sanctification this is our only hope for freedom from sin. Life in the Spirit. Read the struggle with sin in Romans 7 and then read the truth of a life surrendered to God in Romans 8. The struggle need not continue. If we have areas in our lives where we are always struggling with sin, that means those areas need to be touched by God. Invite Him in and ask Him to make this right. It will be a process, not a magic button.
The final thing I want to mention that concerns me is that your husband is feeding this sin in your life by approving of it and, in fact, longing for it too. There needs to be some repentance there. You can’t force Him to repent of it, but I would suggest that you ask for his forgiveness for all you have done to feed the desire in him for sin and then change your behavior. Also repent of it before the Lord.
I know this is hard for you, but I pray now as I hand your situation over to the Lord that you will find the strength and grace you need to have victory over this in your life.
I would encourage you to find a Christian therapist to help you work though these issues. And I mean one who knows that same sex relationships are sinful not one who claims to be a Christian and holds more to the liberal anything goes secular way of thinking. Sometimes we need help to work through our sins, you don’t have to go through this along. Talk to a pastor, a therapist, or someone who has been there and gotten through it. Love Won Out is a Christian organization that helps people deal with same sex attraction and get to a life that God intends. They may be able to help you as well.
Hi, Darlene. Thanks for the candor! If you’ve read my comments here you know that I am not one of the conservative voices here, but the Nymphos are very kind to let me stay around. Stuff like that turns me too, in a big way, so you’re not alone. And, my ministry puts me in the think of that stuff all the time, so know a bit about the challenge!
But Darlene, listen to me: You can imagine that threesome pretty vividly–but, you canNOT see around that corner. Once you act out a fantasy, it is no longer a fantasy. And then you’re not a fantasizer, you are just a plain old sinner with a sinned-up marriage.
Frankly I don’t think God will be that understanding. God put us here with our sexy-hot bodies to fill His world with life, not to infect it with corruption. If you sow corruption, you’ll reap corruption.
Let me offer a bit of biblical advice now: Being “conservative” about your list of “dont’s” is of no help in resisting temptation. The bible says so, Colossians 2:23. You gotta be full of God’s Spirit.
Finally, the practical advice: Temptations do not pass because you move. Leave this urge behind, or else in your new city (where you are anonymous) this think will tie you up and kick your butt. Make yor decisions now, not later. Deal in your husband, and tell him, “Man, we’re chasing a snake here, and it’s gonna bite us unless we repent now.”
Love and peace! I think you will do fine.