Finish the following sentence in the comment box:
.
There is one thing my husband owns and loves, but I secretly wish it would mysteriously find its way to the trash can. It is his ____________.
.
Sept.12: The Power of a Praying Woman by Stormie OMartian
Q&A: Painful Orgasm?
“Hi, I am asking a question on behalf of me and my wife because I cannot find anything to answer this question on the net or a search of your wonderful site. We are happily married, and have a fun and imaginative sex life. We are in our 50s , love Jesus, and have been married for 30 years. A lot of the time, she gets almost to orgasm and then her body just seems to go into spasms. She gets so sensitive and painful I can’t even touch her body. Of course that stops the sex straight away. It is like a part orgasm but without the pleasure. I really want to help her get past that and bless her physically. God has given us a lovely sex life but we know he wants it to be even better. We are puzzled and don’t know how to overcome this. Has anyone reading this experienced this too and understands what is going on? If so, how do we get beyond it? Wise advice really welcome!”
We sent this question to Lauren Jordan, LCSW, CST. Here is what she had to say about this situation:
.
I would have more questions for them than answers at this point.
I would want to know if there have been any changes for her – medications, surgical procedures, ie hysterectomy or even biopsy, menopause – as these could affect her orgasmic response. Some women have quite obvious full-body “spasms” when they reach orgasm – but don’t report having pain with it. Would it be pleasurable for her if he stopped all stimulation when she begins to “spasm”?
Because it sounds like they have had a different, and very satisfying sexual life until this began, I would suggest a full physical for her – with a urogynecologist who offers pelvic floor physical therapy in their office – such as the Dallas Center for Women’s Sexual Wellness. She could have some pelvic floor dysfunction that is causing the change.
Monday’s Mission #123
Your mission this week is take more time to kiss when you are home together. Be intentional about giving kisses when you greet and say goodbye. Take time to stop what you are doing to give unexpected kisses and let some of those kisses linger that would usually be quick ones. Just enjoy kissing a little more than normal this week.
Sentence Starters
Finish the following sentence in the comment box:
.
I feel really sexy whenever I put on ________.
.
Libido enhancing supplements
I struggle with an extremely low sex drive. My husband saw “Provestra” in an article or something. Any of you familiar with this or have a better suggestion for a natural remedy? I also think I have a hormonal imbalance so need that to improve to.
I want to preface this blog entry by saying that if there are spiritual or emotional issues that are causing your libido to be low, using supplements to “boost” your libido will not help or make things better. Also, if you feel that you have hormonal imbalances, it is best to get your hormones checked by your PCP or your OBGYN before self diagnosing and self medicating. If you are pregnant, you will want to do further research on which herbs are not recommended for you to take while pregnant and discuss any changes with your doctor.
We received this email from a reader who has a low sex drive. I have had this problem in the past, and still do at times, so I thought it would be appropriate to do some research into the product that she spoke of, as well as doing some research at “The Vitamin Shoppe” and asking some questions to a friend who is very knowledgeable with herbs and what helps what when you take them. This will be a culmination of the research I have done. I HAVE NOT tried any of these products that I will discuss. I WILL comment on things I am currently using.
First thing I did after reading the email was to Google Provestra and navigate around the website. Provestra is a daily supplement designed to increase desire in women. The site suggests that it will help enhance sensations, increase self lubrication, speed up arousal, and help a woman to have regular orgasms. As I checked through the list of ingredients in the supplement, it looked like what you would find in a regular multivitamin (Vitamin A, C, E, B complex, Folic acid, calcium, iron and zinc) with supplemental herbs. On their site, they have a money back guarantee if you feel that the product isn’t working for you, but you have to use it for 30 days and also consult their Customer Satisfaction Team before getting a full refund on your money when you return the unused product, but you do pay the return shipping cost. ($15)
The list of ingredients was very long, so I emailed my friend about herbs that are aphrodisiacs. I asked her to look at the Provestra list and tell me what she thought. She told me that the ingredients in the product were pretty standard for women’s sexual health, but she was concerned about the use of red dye #3 and other additives that were listed on the bottom of the ingredient page. She suggested the use of the following herbs …
Damiana is used to increase circulation to all parts of the body, especially the sexual organs.
Dong Quai helps with vaginal dryness and it relaxes the uterus. It also helps cramping and symptoms of menopause.
Milk Thistle cleanses liver cells and controls endometritus.
She told me not to go cheap on these either, to make sure they were fresh, high quality herbs.
So after talking to my friend, I went on a fact finding mission to our local vitamin store, thus the trip to Vitamin Shoppe. My husband had been there before and told me there was a whole section on Women’s Health. Wow, that shop was overwhelming! I did find the section on women’s health, and found a few other products there that also were also advertised as libido enhancers. I found Natural Passion and Cleopatra there, and these both claim to help low sex drive, but ingredients were different in these as well. The Dong Quai was the same in these as my friend recommended and the Cleopatra had both the Damiana and Dong Quai, along with other herbs as well. Again, I haven’t tried ANY of these products, so I cannot say whether they work or not.
While doing the research on these drive boosting supplements, there were also pages on the internet that evaluated Provestra. Women’s Health Weekly ranked Provestra #2 in its recommendations for women’s libido enhancers, 2nd place only to a product called HerSolution. Provestra-reviews.com had this quote on the product “Relying completely on herbal extracts, it has been reviewed as not only one of the safest, but most effective supplements of its kind on the market today.” But I went to my hubby’s trusty source for product satisfaction…amazon.com … and found some personal reviews from people who actually bought and used the products for at least 2 months. “I see now, 2 people, and now, add me as the 3rd, have rated this 1 star. It deserves ZERO stars.”; “If it worked, I couldn’t tell.”; “After taking this product for a month, I absolutely had no difference in drive or sensitivity. For the price this is not a good product at all. “; “Don’t waste your time or money on this product.”. There was one positive comment on the Amazon page from a user. “I can’t say the effects have been as dramatic as the Provestra website claims, but my sex drive has definitely improved.”
What’s in my medicine cabinet? I take a gummy multivitamin daily. I take extra supplements of calcium, iron, B complex, B12, vitamin E, vitamin K (not in my multivitamin), zinc, Korean Ginseng, Gingko Biloba, and Horny Goat Weed. I don’t know why, can’t explain it, but I always thought of Horny Goat Weed as a product for men, but it is working for me! I take it in the morning to help me think about sex during the day, and I take it at night as well. In about 20 minutes, it gets the circulation going in my clitoris and that gets me in the mood to make love. Much to my hubby’s liking… Hubby found me some articles online that say Horny Goat Weed is not just for men and erectile dysfunction, but also helps with circulation in the genitals for women as well. It works for me! Just a note that I did try the Dong Quai for a little over a month, and it didn’t really work well for me. I am premenopausal, and I was really hopeful that it would help with my dryness. It may work for you, but it didn’t really work for me.
I AM NOT PROPOSING THAT YOU BUY ANY OF THESE PRODUCTS. I am trying to give some balanced information on the products. Remember that any website that sells products wants them to sell, so they are going to put them in their best light. Do the research before you purchase any products. Some of these products DO have side effects even though the website says they don’t. Every woman is different, so you want to be sure that you consult your doctor before you start adding things to your daily regime. Remember, too, if you are suffering from low sex drive, it is not necessarily hormonal. It may be hormonal, but it also may have emotional and spiritual ramifications as well, which any supplement will not help. Take your issues to the Lord in prayer. I did when I had these problems. It took some time for me to get God’s answer…he was waiting on me to be ready for the truth. God opened my eyes to the truth, and my awakening occurred. My problems were not hormonal at that time. Be sure you include God in all of your plans. He knows your heart and when you open your heart to Him, he’ll open your eyes to the truth.
Monday’s Mission #122
Your mission this week is to pop a peppermint altoid into your mouth just before going down on your husband. The minty sensation is an experience your husband won’t soon forget. Be aware that having PIV sex after giving oral with something sugary can mess with the PH of your vagina so if you want to move from oral to vaginal sex, you may want to wash him off first.
Sentence Starters
Finish the following sentence in the comment box:
.
Today I will pray for my husband in the area of …
.
Q&A: Admiration Vs Lust
My husband is a very visual/artistic man and says that for him, for the vast majority of the time, looking at beautiful women in bikinis, lingerie, etc is the same as looking at a beautiful car or art picture. He enjoys it for it’s beauty and it has nothing to do with his love or desire for me, nor does he use it for sexual fulfillment.
As I step out to tackle this issue, I am fully aware that there are as many opinions on this matter as there are variables to consider in determining what is right. And honestly I believe that this is one of those topics where there is not one right answer for everyone. We all have different weaknesses and areas where we are more prone to sin, and I believe that two people could be looking at the same thing and one of them could be sinning while the other is not. Your heart before God is between you and Him, and I won’t attempt to determine for anyone whether or not admiring a beautiful person crosses over into lust. What I want to do is create a space to consider what we should be aware of with this issue.
To begin with we need to keep in mind that although there is much grey in this issue, there is no grey in the fact that God is clear that lust is sinful. For more information on this you can read our article on lust, but suffice it to say that if you are unable to look at beautiful people without developing a sexual desire for them then you need to figure out how to manage that. You are going to have to maintain sufficient boundaries to protect your heart.
The grey area is in whether or not you are able to look at people who are in situations that you associate with sex, and not lust after them. Men in a Calvin Klein underwear ad. Women in a Victoria Secret catalog. Nude sun bathers on the Mexican Riviera. Artistic paintings that portray intimate acts. I can not draw a line for anyone else in these situations because our weaknesses are different. Where one person sees nudity as being redeemed through Christ’s death on the cross where he removed our shame, another person has only ever seen nudity with a connection to sexual acts. How can we possibly establish a black and white rule that would apply to both people? That is why we need the Holy Spirit to lead us, because He knows us and will guide us in how to be self-controlled in our thought life.
So I do believe that the husband, in the case of the writer of the above question, could very well be able to look at beautiful women and admire her without becoming sexually desirous or covetous of her, but if in fact he sees an attractive woman in lingerie and admires her and then desires her, he needs to be accountable for that sin. In either case, an important factor is that his wife is uncomfortable with it. In order to be loving toward her, when he is with his wife and an attractive woman is near by in a bikini I think it would be respectful of him to keep his focus on his wife in these situations. I think it’s important for a couple to be able to communicate these sorts of things to one another and so it’s good that this man could express his perspective on it and perhaps at some point this writer will adjust her own perspective and there will be more unity between them. For now, though, it would be beneficial to their relationship for them to extend a lot of grace to one another.
We need to remember in all of this that nakedness, in and of itself, is not sinful. It’s the circumstances around how someone is or isn’t dressed that determine if it is sin or not, and because we live in a fallen world, we do need to be mindful of the fact that to see immodesty is a struggle for a lot of people. This is why I believe that a certain amount of awareness of the impact of how we dress is important. Having said that, I also believe that the onus is not on us to manage another person’s sin for them. If a man or a woman looks beautiful and they dress well, people are going to notice and will choose where they allow their thoughts to go.
Another woman wrote us the following:
My husband continues to point out beautiful women that we see in public, on the internet and on TV. I’ve told him that this hurts my feelings. I am a beautiful woman and I’m happy with the way I look and he agrees. He feels it’s better that I know that he his looking at other women, than keep it a secret. He is very communicative about all things and that’s usually a blessing, but his commentaries on beautiful women bothers me. Should I just get over it or tell him again to please stop?
This is another situation where not every solution will be appropriate for every couple. I have friends who are very expressive with their spouse about the attractive people they see and they are fine with that, but the fact remains that if this writer has told her husband not to mention the beautiful women he sees, he should be respectful of her wishes and keep those observations to himself.
So what is your opinion on this? How do you feel about your husband looking at beautiful women? Do you think it’s ever possible for him to look and not lust? Are you able to look at handsome men and admire them without lusting? I’m interested to hear your perspective.
Most Recent Comments:
Salt ♥ on Sentence Starters spicynutmeg on A TIME FOR EVERYTHING (IMPORTA… noelsell on A Reminisce lcf31406 on Sentence Starters Susan French on Masturbation Quickies Christina Smith on A Reminisce Vanessa on Sentence Starters Caris on A Reminisce Jesse'sgirl on Naked Time babe4jim on Weekly Poll #19: Age demograph… cinnamonsticks on A TIME FOR EVERYTHING (IMPORTA… Megan on A Reminisce Mir on Sentence Starters ravieolis on Weekly Poll #19: Age demograph… shrinklady on Sex and Health Benefits! Blogroll
-
© WebRing Inc.Marriage Help PrevRing HubJoin | Rate| Next >>
Christian Nymphos 