Sentence Starters

Finish the following sentence in the comment box:

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There is one thing my husband owns and loves, but I secretly wish it would mysteriously find its way to the trash can. It is his ____________.

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Q&A: Painful Orgasm?

“Hi, I am asking a question on behalf of me and my wife because I cannot find anything to answer this question on the net or a search of your wonderful site. We are happily married, and have a fun and imaginative sex life. We are in our 50s , love Jesus, and have been married for 30 years. A lot of the time, she gets almost to orgasm and then her body just seems to go into spasms. She gets so sensitive and painful I can’t even touch her body. Of course that stops the sex straight away. It is like a part orgasm but without the pleasure. I really want to help her get past that and bless her physically. God has given us a lovely sex life but we know he wants it to be even better. We are puzzled and don’t know how to overcome this. Has anyone reading this experienced this too and understands what is going on? If so, how do we get beyond it? Wise advice really welcome!”

We sent this question to Lauren Jordan, LCSW, CST. Here is what she had to say about this situation:

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I would have more questions for them than answers at this point.

I would want to know if there have been any changes for her – medications, surgical procedures, ie hysterectomy or even biopsy, menopause – as these could affect her orgasmic response.  Some women have quite obvious full-body “spasms” when they reach orgasm – but don’t report having pain with it.  Would it be pleasurable for her if he stopped all stimulation when she begins to “spasm”?

Because it sounds like they have had a different, and very satisfying sexual life until this began, I would suggest a full physical for her – with a urogynecologist who offers pelvic floor physical therapy in their office – such as the Dallas Center for Women’s Sexual Wellness.  She could have some pelvic floor dysfunction that is causing the change.

Lauren Jordan, LCSW, CST

Low Libido Quiz

Weekly poll #68: How long did you and your DH date before marriage?

Monday’s Mission #123

Your mission this week is take more time to kiss when you are home together. Be intentional about giving kisses when you greet and say goodbye. Take time to stop what you are doing to give unexpected kisses and let some of those kisses linger that would usually be quick ones. Just enjoy kissing a little more than normal this week.

Sentence Starters

Finish the following sentence in the comment box:

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I feel really sexy whenever I put on ________.

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Libido enhancing supplements

I struggle with an extremely low sex drive.  My husband saw “Provestra” in an article or something.  Any of you familiar with this or have a better suggestion for a natural remedy?  I also think I have a hormonal imbalance so need that to improve to.

I want to preface this blog entry by saying that if there are spiritual or emotional issues that are causing your libido to be low, using supplements to “boost” your libido will not help or make things better.   Also, if you feel that you have hormonal imbalances, it is best to get your hormones checked by your PCP or your OBGYN before self diagnosing and self medicating.  If you are pregnant, you will want to do further research on which herbs are not recommended for you to take while pregnant and discuss any changes with your doctor.

We received this email from a reader who has a low sex drive.  I have had this problem in the past, and still do at times, so I thought it would be appropriate to do some research into the product that she spoke of, as well as doing some research at “The Vitamin Shoppe” and asking some questions to a friend who is very knowledgeable with herbs and what helps what when you take them.  This will be a culmination of the research I have done.  I HAVE NOT tried any of these products that I will discuss.  I WILL comment on things I am currently using.

First thing I did after reading the email was to Google Provestra and navigate around the website.  Provestra is a daily supplement designed to increase desire in women.   The site suggests that it will help enhance sensations, increase self lubrication, speed up arousal, and help a woman to have regular orgasms.   As I checked through the list of ingredients in the supplement, it looked like what you would find in a regular multivitamin (Vitamin A, C, E, B complex, Folic acid, calcium, iron and zinc) with supplemental herbs.  On their site, they have a money back guarantee if you feel that the product isn’t working for you, but you have to use it for 30 days and also consult their Customer Satisfaction Team before getting a full refund on your money when you return the unused product, but you do pay the return shipping cost.  ($15)

The list of ingredients was very long, so I emailed my friend about herbs that are aphrodisiacs.   I asked her to look at the Provestra list and tell me what she thought.  She told me that the ingredients in the product were pretty standard for women’s sexual health, but she was concerned about the use of red dye #3 and other additives that were listed on the bottom of the ingredient page.    She suggested the use of the following herbs …

Damiana is used to increase circulation to all parts of the body, especially the sexual organs.

Dong Quai helps with vaginal dryness and it relaxes the uterus.  It also helps cramping and symptoms of menopause.

Milk Thistle cleanses liver cells and controls endometritus.

She told me not to go cheap on these either, to make sure they were fresh, high quality herbs.

So after talking to my friend, I went on a fact finding mission to our local vitamin store, thus the trip to Vitamin Shoppe.   My husband had been there before and told me there was a whole section on Women’s Health.  Wow, that shop was overwhelming!  I did find the section on women’s health, and found a few other products there that also were also advertised as libido enhancers.  I found Natural Passion and Cleopatra there, and these both claim to help low sex drive, but ingredients were different in these as well.   The Dong Quai was the same in these as my friend recommended and the Cleopatra had both the Damiana and Dong Quai, along with other herbs as well.   Again, I haven’t tried ANY of these products, so I cannot say whether they work or not.

While doing the research on these drive boosting supplements, there were also pages on the internet that evaluated Provestra.   Women’s Health Weekly ranked Provestra #2 in its recommendations for women’s libido enhancers, 2nd place only to a product called HerSolution.   Provestra-reviews.com had this quote on the product “Relying completely on herbal extracts, it has been reviewed as not only one of the safest, but most effective supplements of its kind on the market today.”   But I went to my hubby’s trusty source for product satisfaction…amazon.com … and found some personal reviews from people who actually bought and used the products for at least 2 months.   “I  see now, 2 people, and now, add me as the 3rd, have rated this 1 star. It deserves ZERO stars.”; “If it worked, I couldn’t tell.”; “After taking this product for a month, I absolutely had no difference in drive or sensitivity. For the price this is not a good product at all. “; “Don’t waste your time or money on this product.”.  There was one positive comment on the Amazon page from a user. “I can’t say the effects have been as dramatic as the Provestra website claims, but my sex drive has definitely improved.”

What’s in my medicine cabinet?  I take a gummy multivitamin daily.  I take extra supplements of calcium, iron, B complex, B12, vitamin E, vitamin K (not in my multivitamin), zinc, Korean Ginseng, Gingko Biloba, and Horny Goat Weed.  I don’t know why, can’t explain it, but I always thought of Horny Goat Weed as a product for men, but it is working for me!   I take it in the morning to help me think about sex during the day, and I take it at night as well.  In about 20 minutes, it gets the circulation going in my clitoris and that gets me in the mood to make love.  Much to my hubby’s liking…   Hubby found me some articles online that say Horny Goat Weed is not just for men and erectile dysfunction, but also helps with circulation in the genitals for women as well.  It works for me!  Just a note that I did try the Dong Quai for a little over a month, and it didn’t really work well for me.  I am premenopausal, and I was really hopeful that it would help with my dryness.   It may work for you, but it didn’t really work for me.

I AM NOT PROPOSING THAT YOU BUY ANY OF THESE PRODUCTS.  I am trying to give some balanced information on the products.  Remember that any website that sells products wants them to sell, so they are going to put them in their best light.   Do the research before you purchase any products.   Some of these products DO have side effects even though the website says they don’t.  Every woman is different, so you want to be sure that you consult your doctor before you start adding things to your daily regime.  Remember, too, if you are suffering from low sex drive, it is not necessarily hormonal.  It may be hormonal, but it also may have emotional and spiritual ramifications as well, which any supplement will not help.  Take your issues to the Lord in prayer.  I did when I had these problems.   It took some time for me to get God’s answer…he was waiting on me to be ready for the truth.  God opened my eyes to the truth, and my awakening occurred.  My problems were not hormonal at that time.   Be sure you include God in all of your plans.  He knows your heart and when you open your heart to Him, he’ll open your eyes to the truth.

Weekly poll #67: What is your current personal experience with pornography?

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