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Sept.12: The Power of a Praying Woman by Stormie OMartian
Weekly poll #65: Orgasms
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i’m a mixture of two different answers. i’ve always had just one big o, but hubby would like for me to have more. it sounds amazing, but everytime we try for it i end up not being able to go over the edge the second time and i’m left frustrated, even though i’ve already had an amazing orgasm. i’ve read all the articles here, but we still haven’t found anything that works. i have such a huge release the first time and i lose all arousal almost immediately after. i would love to hear how everyone who does have multiple o’s came to be able to do that!
Well it has only happened a couple of times with hubby! I can totally relate to you as far as getting frustrated if I try a second time and can’t! However I have been trying to teach myself to have o’s easier by training with a vibrator on my own I know that sounds crazy but sometimes it was taking me 45 min to have one and I read this article talking about teaching yourself on your own. I tried it one time and found it different than with our my hubby but after several times I did find it became easier for me to have one with him. Soooo to answer your question I now try on my own to have multiple O’s and by golly I can so now I am trying to train myself to be able to do it with my hubby on a consistent basis! Not sure if that helps you or not or if you are comfortable with self masterbation but you might give it a try I have found it does help and when I tell my husband later about it he gets totally excited!!!! Good luck!
I have been married 3 years and have never orgasmed…my husband and I are so in love, we have tried many different things but nothing seems to help. I love having sex and the intimacy, connection and pleasure I do receive, but I just don’t know why others have such an easy time with it. He has been so great and tried many a times using his hand, mouth, a vibrator…we’ve prayed about it…I’ was a virgin when we got married, so I’m really not sure why this is such an issue…anyone have any advice?
I too have never had an orgasm…after almost 21 years of marriage. I do enjoy sex, but my husband feels like he is failing me. He thinks I am not fulfilled and that I would really see what the big deal is about once I’ve had one. He has tried just about everything, including lots of foreplay, manual stimulation (with plenty of extra lube), oral stimulation, CAT…etc. He has recently puchased a couple of very high quality vibrators (Lelo) and some Lelo Luna Beads to help strengthen my PC, but I’m just really not that in to all those things. I think I would like to have an orgasm, but admitedly, I’m happy enough the way things are. Why make such a big issue about something that is not a big issue to me?
One more thing: I take an antidepressant (sertraline HCl), and I know that may be supressing my libido, but I don’t think any of us would like the alternative, ie, going off of it.
I suggest manual masturbation if you haven’t tried it and the books For Yourself and She Comes First. Both are available on Amazon. Good Luck. Praying about it is good. I would have NEVER thought to ask for God’s help in this way before I found CN this summer but now I pray for and give thanks for my orgasms. Good Luck!
I used to have trouble with this as well. My husband bought a Hitachi Magic Wand and now I don’t have any trouble. In fact, we discovered that I usually have multiples 🙂 I think for me it was mainly a mental block (I had some issues with my past) and once I got past that, I was cured! Good Luck!
Have you tried working on it yourself, sort of checking things out to see what feels really good to you? You could do that without feeling the pressure of having him work on it too long (he probably doesn’t feel that way, but you probably do!) and then show him what feels the best to you. Remember that stimulation of the clitoris is generally the easiest route to orgasm. (Sorry if that seems too obvious, but I worry about someone trying to have a first orgasm through vaginal stimulation, which is much less likely to work.) If you can get very close, fantasizing about something really sexy can help get you “over the top.” I feel confident that you can work this out. It is worth the effort. I will be praying for you.
I agree with what everyone is saying about trying to take things “into your own hands.” I’m an easy orgasm; things like driving down a gravel road can sometimes set me off. Just after I got married, I I went on an anti-depressant for awhile and the orgasms just STOPPED. Completely. When I come off the medication, I was was able to orgasm again. So it really could be your medication.
I’m glad that you don’t feel like you are missing out because I was SO frustrated during the year of orgasm-less-ness.
Peachy – One more thought – do you take birth control pills? They can suppress libido in some women. Not sure if they can actually suppress orgasm, but it seems to me that anything that can affect libido could affect orgasm. Just a thought.
Lexapro (another SSRI) completely erased my ability to have an orgasm. I eventually had to choose between my relationship with my husband and the antidepressant. I switched to Welbutrin SR, which isn’t quite as effective for depression but it doesn’t have the libido-killing side effects. If your husband feels like a failure, this is a ‘big issue’ for him. Maybe understanding the side effects of your med would make him feel better.
Hubby and I have been married 6 + years. For the first 6-8 months, there were not only no orgasms for me, but it was also extremely painful. So I can relate to Peachy and others, especially about how it can make husbands feel inadequate.
What worked for us:
(I was on no meds or birth control, never have been during our marriage.)
I opened my mind to the possibility that my mind was using my body to communicate to me about soul issues. I know this sounds weird. At first it was hard for me to wrap my head around too! We now believe that healing the “energy” in your mind/spirit that needs attention causes the body issues (messages) to cease. Some people would call this “Psychosomatic” healing. Others call it “energy healing” or healing of “ancestral energy” (family issues).
In my case, I was carrying guilt about our physical relationship before marriage (not as pure as it should have been). Also, I was carrying stories and ideas about how “sex is painful and you just have to deal with it” taught to me by older women in my family system.
As I acknowledged and worked through those two “energetic” or “spiritual” issues, and prayed for forgiveness and new understanding (forgiving myself was harder than accepting God’s forgiveness!), sex became less and less painful and eventually more and more pleasurable.
This way of healing takes time and a lot of self-awareness, dependence on God’s grace and power to heal you, and it can bring up a lot of old stuff you don’t want to think about. But it has worked for our family for healing everything from eczema to eating disorders 🙂
You may need to use your imagination or just pretend that this is a possibility in order to begin exploring this. pray about it and see how God moves.
Its easy to have enough faith in God to heal you (mind, body, and spirit) if you compare it to having enough faith to move mountains!
This is a powerful post. I have always been highly orgasmic and this spring and summer began having trouble. I know it is because of some things I went through this spring that I am having trouble putting totally behind me. Thanks for the reminder to pray for clarity and help
There’s a small book by Louise Hay (about $5 or $6, easy to buy online) that suggests possible mental causes of body issues/illnesses. It is titled “Heal Your Body”.
Sometimes its easy to see what the cause may be though, as seems to be your case. Awareness is always the first step toward positive change, right? So you’re right where you need to be, Tommygirl 🙂
Thank you to all for your suggestions and input…
-I am not on any meds or birth control pills, I was only on the pill for the first few months after we got married and since pay attention to my cycle and use a diaphragm on the days we want to “be careful”
QUESTION: do you think the diaphragm could inhibit internal/g-spot orgasms?
-thanks to newcreationwife for the massage/vibrator suggestion, my husband and i have thought about this and wondered what would be a good one, so we will take a look into that!
-QUESTION: When I told my husband I wrote my post about having never orgasmed he asked if I thought that was totally true since I have “squirted” out liquid a few times in the past (and it was not urine!) though it did not accompany contractions of the vagina – would it still be an orgasm?
-do others have a type of ‘ejaculation’ and if so how much liquid has come out of you before?
-I also totally hear what tommygirl is saying – it right on and I would like to pray more into my sex life and past relationships. though I was technically a virgin when i got, past relationships went too far and were not as pure as they ought to have been. Thanks for the reminder to take it to God and allow him to bring healing. after all he created sex and wants us to enjoy it to the fullest!
Female ejaculation is normal but does not always accompany orgasm.
different orgasm patterns…sometimes single, sometimes multiple 32.05% (191 votes)
Whew! Glad it is not just me. You know ladies I want to say a BIG Thanks for information like this, it is nice to know there are other girls out there like me.
Peachy,
I too have learned how to ejaculate but for me it’s usually when I orgasm or at least right before. I would say as for how much it kinda depends on my mood but it’s usually 2 or 3 gushes worth. I don’t really “squirt” it out but more like gushes. The sheets are bialy pretty soaked. Is that normal to anyone else?
Mel
I voted one every time because it’s what fit the best, but sometimes when my husband is especially “randy” and wanting to prolong lovemaking, he will encourage me to try for more, and I always can. But honestly it’s more for him than me! After the first one I’m satisfied, and every one after that makes me more tired, lol. But I’m not complaining. I know so many women struggle with being able to orgasm, and I am very thankful that it comes easily for me, and that I have a husband who is considerate enough to want to pleasure me so much. 🙂
As I mentioned I orgasm differently but I failed to state it is depending on what we are doing. I have multiple orgasms vaginally when we are making love with him on top. Different positions tend to produce single orgasms that each have a different feel. I have had multis from anal sex but tend to have one enormous massive one. The most explosive orgasms I have ever had have always been dual penetration (my husband and a toy, machine, device, or strapon).
Perhaps we could do a poll on the differences? Or whats causes the differences?
My DH & i have been married for just over a month & a half and were both virgins on our wedfing night. I have yet to have an orgasm, he climax’s just as i start to really get into enjoying sex. I’m patient & have only ever said something to him 2-3 times about it. But usually dont say anything at all. I know that this is something that will take some time. Any suggestions on how to make him last longer???
Cock rings 😉
Samantha please get a copy of Sheet Music by Dr. Kevin Lehman and read it. i got my H to read it by reading parts of it aloud to him. He liked what he heard and read it himself. It is a great resource and will help him to know how to please you better.
What you describe is absolutely normal Samantha. It will take time and you have to learn about what works for you both. Ask him to spend more time on foreplay and pleasuring you through stimulating your clitoris. There is no reason why you shouldn’t have an orgasm this way before he penetrates you. Of course, we all want to achieve the goal of climaxing together but it is unlikely to happen straight away. Also, it’s still very early in your marriage and he is obviously very excited about your body and it will take him a little while to be able to control himself so that he can satisfy you more.
What gets me going towards an orgasm is the time my DH takes care of me during foreplay, thinking about me and not going straight too soon to the final end for the fireworks for him.