Weekly poll #67: What is your current personal experience with pornography?

19 Comments

  1. Wow what a good question! I so struggle with this one with the internet so accessable it makes it that much harder. I know for a girl its kinda weird to be the one who struggles not so much my husband! I think it comes from seeing it at a very early age maybe. I so dont want my kids to struggle with it. I have three boys so I know it will probably be a temptation and I have already had to put restrictions on one of my boys. My only positive was the I could relate to my son and tell him I know how hard it is to struggle with that temptation. Anyways thanks for the survey I am curious to see if anyone is like me!

  2. Years ago, while I was pregnant with my first and a refuser, I discovered my husband was renting porn at a alarming rate. We had a big blow up about it and he said he wouldn’t do it again. Earlier this year I discovered a videotape that he had recorded and kept those movies. He said he had not watched it and I was forced to trust him.
    I enjoy reading stories. I used to read the stories on the internet but have stopped. They are full of disgusting acts. I do still read romance novels with elaborate sex scenes. This probably is not right but I haven’t moved to stop.

  3. Good survey question.Finding out my husband was spending some time watching it really hurt me so much. We talked and he denied being addicted to watching it. The subject was so hard to talk about but i did explain how he had hurt me and that i wanted him to sop watching it and i left it all to God.I almost gave in and was suggesting that we watch it together- it was shallow thinking on my part! I took the suggestion back!!!! I was hurt, got curious and wondered why he watched it, and went on the sights i had found on his laptop and that is when i knew how u get drawn into it. You watch one thing and then try seeing the next ; and it just keeps coming.I sat in his seat for minute and knew if he has been doing this for a while- its not going to be an easy ride for both of us!He said he would stop knowing how much he had hurt me and am going to have to pray and trust him on his word, because he knows how i feel about him watching it. I know its a big temptation, and i pray for myself & him not to get drawn into it. There is nothing on his laptop, but i cant keep checking everything -phone etc, i gotta let him do his part as a husband and stick to his word. This is one big prayer to God this year-SAVE MY DH FROM THE PORN BONDAGE!!! I was angry & very mad at him, but realized that other than that , he is my best friend, a good man who has supported me and been there for me. And i remembered my vows to God &him when we got married…”in sickness and in health..”, this is a spiritual sickness, so i have to walk this path with him and it is a a very hard path but am praying & trying my best!!!

  4. I am sure there are ladies out there like you, we are all human and sin or temptations do not discrimenate .i will pray for you, it is hard when you have been watching at an early age. i was exposed to it at a more mature age when i knew what was right or wrong , so i had to make my choices well-knowing it was a wrong choice. keep working with your boys, you surely can change the pattern for them & their kids!!Good work there and keep praying about it !!

  5. What about those of you who voted that you watch it together as husband and wife? Do you feel it’s helped your love life and marriage in general, or would you rather not watch it at all?

  6. My husband and I used to watch it together (please note this was at my request – I was exposed to it at an early age and developed a bit of a mild obsession with visual and written porn that stayed with me for about 15 yrs) and all I can say about it is that when we did watch it, our sex wasn’t nearly as satisfying as it is now. God has helped deliver me from the hold these images had on me, including removing my desire to even read graphic romance novels, and ever since my husband and I have the MOST satisfying sex we’ve ever had!! I know this is a very personal thing for each couple, however, in my experience, porn of any kind is not only unnecessary but is actually detrimental to a healthy sex life for any couple, let alone a Christian couple seeking God’s blessing on their lives.

  7. jdslady –

    Thank you for your testimony! Pornography/masturbating is also something that I was exposed to at an early age and my battle with it has continued for many years, too. My gracious, loving husband knows all about it and has been praying me through it for the years we’ve known each other/been married. I thought my obsession was gone, but I don’t think I ever really gave it up to God. This past year it has reared it’s ugly head and I gave in to temptation (ie, reading graphic novels, masturbating about the stories, looking at images online, etc.) and again I had to turn to my husband (and God!) to confess what I was doing. In my confession (particularly to my husband) I found such freedom! Although, it’s still a constant struggle for me every day.

    The idea of watching porn as a couple hasn’t really been a thought of mine, although I frequently wonder about the effect my sexual struggles have on our sex life. Your testimony about how satisfying your sex life is now – that’s a HUGE encouragement to me. When I do stay pure I can honestly say, too, that our sex life is so much more satisfying and honoring (to God and to each other).

    Thank you for reminding me that it’s worth it to fight/pray through this struggle. I hope that I, too, can one day say that this struggle is behind me.

    To God be the glory!

  8. sj1234: I’m happy to have helped in any way — and you’re right that the effects take a long time to get rid of and they do have a nasty habit of popping just to snag us when we least expect it. I’ll be perfectly honest, it’s not something I’ve readily confessed to God because of the shame I feel about it, but when I was obedient to His call to get rid of the romance novels, He was faithful (as always!!) to remove a great deal of the hold those images and ideas had on me. And when I wasn’t expecting my husband to live up to the ridiculous standards set for sex and “romance” posed in those silly books, all of a sudden I wasn’t nearly as disappointed with what I had — I could see my husband’s efforts and know that he was still the love of my life and there just isn’t anything or anyone out there better for me.

  9. Ok I have a question for both of you guys! I have been married for 18 years but most of our married life our sex was just ok until about 2 1/2 years ago kinda had a sexual awakening I could say and now I’m the one who cant get enough to bad I missed his prime 🙂 anyways I so struggle with reading novels I absolutely love them however I feel like I cant let go of them because I think they do help our sex life! I have been so afarid the last 2 years to let them go for that reason stupid I know but very real. My husband and I havent been happier in years because of our new found sex life so I guess satan must be using it against me becasue honestly I’m to afraid to let it go for fear our sex life will go back to what it was before! Just curious on you guys take! Thanks!

  10. In answer to that question, I think that there’s something to be said for keeping yourself ‘in the mood’ (for lack of a better way to say it!) by using things that are available to you. Also, I firmly believe that what is a sin issue for me isn’t necessarily going to be a sin issue for every other woman out there.

    However, with a lot of these romance novels, the whole point of the story is the act of adultery and/or promiscuity, and I find that letting even the idea of that into my head is the easiest way to feel like there might be something else out there better and more satisfying than what I already have, even if I wasn’t dissatisfied before I read the story. I have such a vivid imagination that sometimes even the images created in my head when reading stories can be as strong as something I actually visually experienced, so these were a tool of the devil with me. I just had to get rid of them.

    I did keep three of my novels when I did “The Great Purge” because these novels made a point to not engage in any type of sexual activity between the main characters until after they were married; they don’t have specific Christian values in them by any means, but they still honored the marriage covenant and therefore didn’t cause the other issues I had experienced.

    Mostly, I now read Christian romance novels (which are usually almost twice as expensive, but I shop on the clearance racks!) and I really enjoy them because they remind me how wonderful my husband actually is and what a gift from God he is. In my experience, feeling a rejuvenated love for my husband is the best turn on I’ve ever experienced and beats the crap out of those silly books for keeping the “mood” :o)

  11. So you say that after eighteen years you a) absolutely love reading these novels b) seem to honestly believe they have helped your sex life with your husband and c) you and your husband haven’t been happier in your sex life in years.

    Hmm… I know this may not be the most popular answer you’ll read here but it sounds like you’re doing just fine to me!

  12. (Sorry this is so long and I hope it’s found to be helpful!)

    steph – I know what you mean. I have thought this same thing many times, concerning novels. I can honestly say that when I was reading them my mind would wander to them while my husband and I had sex. I would never fantasize about the men in the stories, just the actions they were doing and the pleasure the women were experiencing. And during those times my husband and I would have amazing sex.

    But I still felt dirty about it (at that time my husband didn’t know I was reading them). I think it’s because I’m supposed to find my total sexual fulfillment in my husband … and yet I was leaning on a crutch to get there – these novels. (I often wonder about the power of “innocent” chick flicks in this same way … just a tangent – sorry.) 🙂

    Since I’ve stopped reading them, they no longer fill my mind. (The temptation is there for me to linger on those past stories/plots, but because I’m not actively filling my mind with it anymore they don’t come to mind as frequently.) As I fight through wanting to masturbate while my husband’s not home (or read a novel, etc) I have found that when he and I do come together it is so wonderful. At those times I truly do find him more attractive and desirable because I see him for who he is – my wonderful, loving husband who has a heart to please God and me. I don’t know how to best explain it, sorry! I just know what I’ve experienced.

    I think THE most important aspect of this has been my relationship with Christ. (And let me say I’ve been a Christian all my life and have experienced great personal times of growth in Christ – by His grace!) In a lady’s Bible study I’m a part of through church I was recently reminded of the second half of Romans 1. Paul mentions that when the people became foolish and started filling their minds with foolish thoughts God “gave them up to their sinful desires.”

    WOW! This hit me over the head last year. I was not filling my mind with God’s Word regularly nor remembering His grace and I was sooo being drawn into my sinful desires. I was not actively remembering the grace God has shown me in my life NOR acting like I loved and cherished God. I was not reading my Bible and not praying to him (for myself or others). And it was at this time that I was deep in the novels, online pics, etc.

    I’ve come to see that I need to be actively remembering God’s grace and leading in my life every day. I need to trust Him. Not just ask Him to “help” me trust Him … but in hard (and good!) times to actively say, “I trust You!” Romans 8:28 – “And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.” He is faithful to this! Praise Him!

    I need to be filling my mind with His Word and His promises of love. (I do need to remember that He is also a God of judgement, but with struggles like this I find that I don’t need that reminder as much as I need to be reminded of His love!)

    *** I know that this blog has a bunch of great articles about a lot of this. (Reading romance novels, writing your own erotica, finding your fulfillment in God.) If you haven’t already, try searching for them on here! They’re encouraging!

  13. Wow thanks so much for your input! I have also been a christian basically my whole life too! I have found that this whole situation has also effected my walk with God. I just need to work through my struggles because right now they are so strong! I am sure with time they will get better it’s just so fresh and I’m fighting letting go kinda scary how sin can get a hold of you! Anyways thanks so much for your input it really helped!!!!! I was wondering did you guys have a good sexual life before you read the novels ect? I think that is where my hang up is because ours wasn’t really good before hand not necessarily because the books help per say but I think I found thru them girls can be seductive and sexy which I was raised feeling as sinful. Anyways just areas I need to have Gods healing hand I guess! Thanks girl!

  14. Hi steph –

    I will say that we have always had a good sex life. My husband comes from a family of GREAT communicators (me, not so much) and he’s been so helpful to me by keeping our “lines of communication” open during our marriage. That includes talking through our feelings before sex (I mean, when we’re angry, frustrated, etc … we don’t ALWAYS sit and have a heart-to-heart before sex). 🙂 Which is why it was easy (after a year) for me to talk to my husband about my struggles.

    I’ll say a prayer for you now that God will remind you again of His love, bless your marriage, and give you peace about any decision you come to regarding novels. Again, what a wonderful reminder it is to know that He is faithful in the lives of His children!

  15. I chose that it is not a temptation for me. The first half of my marriage I was kind of a porn widow, my husband chose it over me constantly. Then because I was feeling rejected and extremely sexually frustrated, I started to struggle with pornography as well for a brief time. What a nasty cycle! So because the results of pornography have been so painful in my life, I can honestly say it is not a struggle in the least! Thankfully my husband has overcome his struggles, and we have a fun, satisfying relationship and sex life. But I feel for those who struggle with it, because it is not an easy thing to overcome.

  16. Okay. So, I’ve posted this same question on another post as well but I’ve been looking for some other perspectives on the issue. My husband and I live in an apartment and they are anything but sound proof. When we inevitably hear our neighbors having sex, we both get extremely turned on. It’s not that either of us are attracted to or lust after our neighbors, the sounds of sex are just very arousing. In part due to the noises we’re hearing and the excitement of knowing that the neighbors can also hear us, the sex we end up having is incredible! Is this wrong? I can’t really stop my neighbors from making love or myself from becoming aroused and I don’t want to give up the incredible sex we have as a result.

  17. The perspective my husband and I have is:

    a tool (toy, your neighbors ;), music, stories, etc…) are just that – tools. They are tools for an already healthy sexual relationship. If you feel like you need a certain tool to ALWAYS get you in the mood, climax, etc. then perhaps there are some things to examine in your heart. That distinction, I think, is something that the Holy Spirit would tell you. It’s definitely a matter for prayer. (I feel like I’ve read something similar on this blog before, written by one of the CN girls.)

    For myself, there have been times when I felt that I NEEDED graphic novels in order to get in the mood. Nothing else would do it. I’ve realized (in our relationship) that this cheapens my relationship with my husband. It’s been something that both he and I have been praying about.

    Hope that makes sense!

  18. I think that one of the most important things we can do for our husbands regarding our sex lives is to make a commitment to not feel guilty about the the gift God has given us. I know for me this was not always the easiest thing to do. I don’t want to blame the church but for generations upon generations, the church (run pretty much exclusively by men by the way) has gone out of their way to try to control woman’s sex lives and guilt has been their weapon of choice. It is so sad to me to think of all the woman out there who did and do suffer in silence as a result.

    What you mention is completely natural and normal. How could it not be! Not to be crass but when I enter a restaurant and smell good food — I want to eat!!! So it is with sex. When I hear (or see or read) about sex I want to have sex. There have been many days after reading something someone has written on CN that I’ve been horny to the point of counting the minutes until my DH came home so I could rip his clothes off. I’m sure others have done the same. When I watch tasteful erotica or read something spicy or luckily hear something not meant for my ears, I don’t lust for the people I’m seeing or reading or hearing — I lust for my husband! If I had to analyze why these things are so powerful it would be because what they all do is reinforce this idea that sex (with a committed partner) is an act that’s good and normal and to be celebrated. Not something to feel guilty about.

  19. sj1234…. Sorry, Im having trouble understanding your comment… Your neighbors SHOULD NOT be a tool for your sexual relationship. My understanding is that when you bring ANYONE OTHER THAN YOUR spouse into a sexual setting (whether it be sounds, videos, pictures, or physical presence) that is adultery… just sayin


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