Q&A: Painful Orgasm?

“Hi, I am asking a question on behalf of me and my wife because I cannot find anything to answer this question on the net or a search of your wonderful site. We are happily married, and have a fun and imaginative sex life. We are in our 50s , love Jesus, and have been married for 30 years. A lot of the time, she gets almost to orgasm and then her body just seems to go into spasms. She gets so sensitive and painful I can’t even touch her body. Of course that stops the sex straight away. It is like a part orgasm but without the pleasure. I really want to help her get past that and bless her physically. God has given us a lovely sex life but we know he wants it to be even better. We are puzzled and don’t know how to overcome this. Has anyone reading this experienced this too and understands what is going on? If so, how do we get beyond it? Wise advice really welcome!”

We sent this question to Lauren Jordan, LCSW, CST. Here is what she had to say about this situation:


I would have more questions for them than answers at this point.

I would want to know if there have been any changes for her – medications, surgical procedures, ie hysterectomy or even biopsy, menopause – as these could affect her orgasmic response.  Some women have quite obvious full-body “spasms” when they reach orgasm – but don’t report having pain with it.  Would it be pleasurable for her if he stopped all stimulation when she begins to “spasm”?

Because it sounds like they have had a different, and very satisfying sexual life until this began, I would suggest a full physical for her – with a urogynecologist who offers pelvic floor physical therapy in their office – such as the Dallas Center for Women’s Sexual Wellness.  She could have some pelvic floor dysfunction that is causing the change.

Lauren Jordan, LCSW, CST

Low Libido Quiz


  1. Sometimes I experience something vaguely similar….. all is good and then for whatever reason I go from sensitive and enjoying everything to overstimulated and no-thank-you (no spasms). But direct stimulation at that point is painful, and hard to describe to my DH because he’s still into the moment. It’s like a switch flips. Puzzling and frustrating. I’m only 31. Hasn’t happened lately, thankful for that, but I know the feeling.

  2. Hey this sounds like me! Not all the time, but sometimes I get aroused and then suddenly all touch becomes irritating, and gental touch becomes uncomfortable. It is really affecting my relationship with my other half. I find a warm relaxing bath before bed, and more cuddling and emotional intimacy, helps me move past it, but with my little angel gabrilelle I don’t often have time to wind down. maybe hubby could help more in the house to give her that winddown time, thats what my man has started doing 🙂

  3. I am 21 and have experienced this EXACT thing described with my husband, and we didn’t always have this problem. I have been researching so much trying to find out what it could be and this is the first place I have ever found that describes what I have felt. Hope you guys were able to figure out what it was!

  4. The same thing happens to me! when my husband is manually stimulating me it feels really good for a couple of seconds and its like a switch is flipped and it turns into extreme discomfort and i have to tell my husband to stop. He gets frustrated because he wants to get me all the way and he feels like i don’t want it. I really do want it it just hurts and i cant take it! we are at a loss for what to do.

  5. Okay, for anyone still reading this thread (Pam!) here’s what I think after thinking about this more…..
    DH likes to give manual stimulation by rubbing his fingertip over me. As in, the point of friction is between his fingertip and my sensitive skin.
    I think what I prefer is ever-so-slightly different… but a big difference: Constant contact of the fingertip to my skin, moderate pressure and motion, so that friction point is more like internal to me, even though he’s controlling it.
    When he does the first that I described, that’s when I get all overstimulated and it can be painful.
    Hope that was a good enough description– anyone else think that’s the source for them too? Just throwing it out there.

  6. Maybe he’s hitting your G-spot? For a lot of us ladies, it’s either you love or you hate that particular stimulation.

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