Sacred Sex: Chp. 1

My plan for these chapter discussions isn’t to ramble on and on about what we read.  I just want to hit on a couple of things that stood out to me in the chapter, and then have you all give your input about something that stood out to you.  The questions at the end of the chapter are for you and your spouse, however there may be one that sparks our conversation on here from time to time.  If you would like to discuss a certain quote or paragraph, please give us the page number to what you are referring to so that we can see what you are talking about.  So as far as chapter 1 goes, here are my thoughts…

There is a quote on page 8 that I love:  “The full truth about sex is this:  It is both sacred and polluted, holy and desecrated.  The sacredness of sex is not based on how we treat it or mistreat it.  Its sacredness is based on its essence, which comes from God. Sex is holy because God created it to be holy.” Basically this whole first chapter is talking about how holy sex really is, and I believe he does a good job of giving examples (like Moses with the burning bush) to help us with this understanding.

On page 11 there is a section called:  The Lies That Hold Us Back.  This section really resonates with me because I have two sons.  One will be in middle school next year and oh how that scares me!  We have had the talk and he does know about sex, but I don’t think I ever used the word “holy” with him when talking about it.  I have made a mental note to do so.

I really liked his further discussion of the Holiness of Sex on page 15 where he said:  This deeper dimension is experienced when we move past pleasure as a goal and instead seek intimate connection—not just with our bodies but also with our souls. How true!  Sex is so much more than just a way to reach orgasm.  There have been times that I have looked into my husband’s eyes while making love, and swore that I was staring straight into his soul.  It has brought me to tears.

I had not ever given thought to Gen 2:24 being the first brief description of making love in the bible.  (p. 16)

He compares sex being holy to the act of communion being holy on page 18.  Very interesting.

He talks on pages 20-21 about how marriage therapy and sex therapy are considered two different fields of expertise that focus on two separate sets of problems.  He doesn’t agree with that and thinks that it should all be combined together into marital counseling.  I read his reasoning and it makes sense, however I still feel like the two can be and should be separated in some cases.  This is something that I will continue to give thought to.

Those were the main thoughts that I took away from chapter one.  What about you?


  1. My husband and I discovered this site from the Generous Husband website. I have been slowly exploring it.

    He brought this book home today and after browsing through and reading the first chapter, I am looking forward to reading it all.

    I plan to read the book and join the discussion. I need to re read the chapter though! It is more thought provoking then I anticipated. 🙂

  2. i’ve really enjoyed the book so far. i’ve highlighted several passages. the thought that most stood out to me was when he said ‘This deeper dimension is experienced when we move past pleasure as a goal and instead seek intimate connection—not just with our bodies but also with our souls.’ there are so many times that i find myself craving to be intimate with my husband but not even slightly aroused. i’ve often puzzled over this, but it makes complete sense to me now! i loved when he said that sex was to be the way that a husband and wife were to touch each others soul. sometimes i do just crave an orgasm, but most of the time i’m wanting this deeper connection. i’m really hoping that he gives some very practical advice on how to get this deeper connection.
    i’m still struggling to understand completely that sex is holy. i think he gave some really great examples, but i’m not seeing how to make this practical in our lives. he says that sex is to be a spiritual, even mystical, experience in which two bodies become one. i think that is a beautiful thought and i think i need to renew my mind a bit when it comes to viewing sex this way. and i agree with you cumingirl that it is very interesting that he compares sex to communion. just as we use communion to remind ourselves of christ and what he’s done for us on the cross, we can use sex to remind us of our love and commitment to each other.

  3. I had never considered sex to be Holy, and I don’t really know why because I was taught that God created sex for the pleasure of husbands and wives. I was also taught that our bodies are a temple and that when we sin sexually we are defiling the temple of The Holy Spirit. It truly blew me away to think of it as a Holy Act. I think this is definitely something I would like to teach my daughters about sex when they are older. This first chapter really changed my whole perspective on sex because I am often very nonchalant and just go through the motion, but now that I see that sex is a Holy act, I don’t want to be so halfhearted. I want to fully connect with my husband not only physically but spiritually as well.

  4. I read the first chapter with a little bit of reserve because I have read a bunch of books on sex written for Christians, and most of the ones I have read ofter make sex sound so sacred that I become scard to explore new things with my hubby. And that makes things worse in our relationship because, I literally block him out in some ways. When the book talks about sex being sacred because God made it that way, I relized that sex can have many different looks to it (even if they appear “dirty”) and still be holy, because GOD say it is HOLY! 🙂 So we can be together making love and not feel guilty over trying new things. This is a big thing for me to grasp. So I cant wait to keep reading and see what other ideas this book will challenge me on and push me higher!

  5. I know what you mean about reading with a little “reserve” and I’m also interested in seeing what else this book challenges in me too!

  6. i know what you mean about feeling guilty! learning that sex with my husband is not dirty at all really made a huge impact in my sex life and ultimately in my marriage. my husband and i are closer than ever since i’ve let go of the ‘good girl’. there is an excellent article on it here on the website:

  7. (I don’t have page numbers — reading on a Kindle, and I haven’t quite figured out all of it’s features yet!)
    I also highlighted the “deeper dimension” — “intimate connection — not just with our bodies but with our souls” as this is something that I continue to seek with my husband. I feel like we are on the verge of getting there, and I hope that as I read this book, it will help me begin conversations that will help us down that path.

    Although I’ve heard the word “holy” often in my life and used it, I had never really thought about it’s actual dictionary meaning. The Kindle will give you definitions, and I got “Dedicated or consecrated to God, sacred.” Somehow if you’d asked me to give a definition, that is not what I would have said. But, that helps me think about the “sex is holy” concept –> “Sex is dedicated and consecrated to God.” That makes sense more easily for me.

    I have read LOTS of sex books, and so far this is going to be in my top 2! I admit, I’ve already read chapter 2.

  8. that definition does help – thanks for posting it! i never thought of looking up the definition of the word. i must admit that i read chapter 2 last night also, but i’m going to go back and reread it, because there’s just so much to digest. the chapters seem to be really long to me, but i can’t tell because i’m reading it on my nook.

  9. I enjoyed the first chapter immensly. I always have known sex wass a gift from God, I have felt his prescence when we coonect in that way. I don’t think I did realize how holy and sacred sex was until I saw the bible examples he gave us. WOW! I now realize how absolutly amazing this gift is and it makes making love to my husband all that more wonderful now!

  10. The idea of “sex is holy” is something I never would have thought of. Sex wasn’t talked about in our family when I was growing up. Needless to say the feelings about sex that I broought into marriage haven’t helped our sex life. I have struggled some with giving DH good oral sex. Last night when I was giving oral sex to my DH and struggling agiain, a prayed while in the act. It really helped. I couldn’t have done that before, but if sex is holy and after reading the 1st chapter I beleive that it is, than we can pray while we are participating in the holy act. It was very freeing and helped me give DH better oral sex too.

  11. Was curious if you ever came to more insight from this? (below) To me when I read this, the whole “thought”, and theory of this was very inspiring. But I like you, was curious of how he suggested we arrive at the destination he’s suggestion.

    .”…… i’m really hoping that he gives some very practical advice on how to get this deeper connection”

  12. How have I been married for 6 years and I am just now reading this book! I am not even done with the first chapter and I have already experienced so much freedom, joy, and intimacy in my marriage from the revelation (graciously given by God!) that SEX IS HOLY. Only God can give understanding and open our eyes to this truth. I always thought of it in terms of being pure within marriage, but not as something holy… set apart by God and FOR God. I have always known sex to be wonderful and pleasurable and even spiritual. But I guess I had a hard time really understanding it and believing it. I am really looking forward to the rest of the book and more revelation from the Lord. 🙂

  13. MrsDMK, you mention that this book is in your top 2, so I’m curious what your #1 book is…

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