This chapter seemed to fly by as I was reading it! I totally understand what he was saying in the first few pages about all aspects of our lives being interconnected with each other, but I have to admit that I still tend to try and compartmentalize everything. I think it goes back to my um… control issues, and trying to have everything in it’s place. I do that physically and emotionally. I’ve been that way for so long that it’s just a given part of my personality. But I think the fact that I realize I’m like this means that there is hope for constructive change in myself… right?
Okay, so he discusses the four bases of Meta-Sex, and last week’s chapter addressed first base, or Holy Sex. Second base kind of hit home with me. He said: “No couple can enjoy a mutually fulfilling sexual connection if other significant issues are being ignored.” Well, this definitely supports the notion that all parts of our lives are connected on a deeper level. But he went a step further by saying: “And we’ll never feel that we matter deeply to another human being if our mate is nonchalant about things that matter to us.” I think I must have backed up and read that line about 7 times. Without going into too much detail, there is something that my husband cares deeply about that I view as bothersome. It annoys me that he cares so much about it and I am constantly dwelling on how much time and energy he puts into it. (Obviously this has nothing to do with bedroom activities.) Even just TWO HOURS before reading this chapter, I was on the phone with my best friend complaining about this one thing that seems to be so high on my dh’s priority list. And then I read this chapter and got to this part. It humbled me. It made me feel about 2″ tall.
This bothersome thing that matters so much to my husband is something that I have struggled with for YEARS, and in one sentence I was forced to reevaluate the way I think about it. This thing that my husband is passionate about is important to him. Me rolling my eyes when the subject comes up or sighing heavily has a negative impact on him. When I act like I can’t stand that particular thing, it affects him and makes him feel that he doesn’t matter as deeply to me because of how obviously put off I am by this thing that matters to him. I give him the impression that his passions aren’t important to me and in fact are a nuisance. Wow, look at these negative messages I’ve been sending to the man who has been by my side for almost 20 years! This is something that I cannot just ‘fix’ overnight. I’m going to have to coat this in prayer and carefully ask God’s guidance in reforming my views and changing my attitude. I need to show my dh that his interests & passions matter to me, and I need to be genuine about it.
I love the examples he gives in this chapter of himself and other couples. I also like the part on pg. 96 entitled: Catch the Foxes. I’m not going into too much detail here but from now own when I see some type of conflict looming I’m going to try and remember to tell myself to “catch the fox” before a barrier forms. As he says: “All little foxes need to be chased away through prayer and open, accepting conversation.”
There are a couple of other things that I liked that I may come back and mention in the comment box later, but for now I’m gonna end this article before it becomes too long. Did this chapter speak to any of you? Any other things that I failed to mention that you really liked, or didn’t like for that matter?
Christian Nymphos 