Pet Names

“My hubby likes me to call him Daddy and he calls me Baby Girl, and My Girl when we are in bed … I am okay with it mostly, but I have had people question its appropriateness … implying there is something REALLY WRONG with it.  What do you think?”

First of all, I’d have no problem in telling those friends to butt out.  It’s my marriage and my husband and whatever pet names we choose to call each other is my business.  They can keep their judgments to themselves or hit the road.  (That’s just the way I roll 😆 )  You may not be as bold or you may not want to come off so rude, or you may care too much about their friendships to risk losing them.  So how you handle your friends is up to you.

For further insight though… experience may play a key role here.  Others may have some major issues with this because of past trauma or abuse.  Imagine the woman who was molested as a child by a ‘father figure’ or the woman who was beaten by an abusive husband and made to call him “daddy.”   The thoughts of calling their now husband “daddy” may be the furthest thing from their minds.  It could be revolting for them, and they may not understand at all how you could find that to be a ‘normal loving pet name’ for your dh.  So I would try and be aware of and sensitive to my friends’ situations.

As far as the issue of pet names goes… again that is between you and your husband.  I think it’s totally fine.  I call my dh “daddy” all the time because that is what I call him around the kids “Go ask daddy.”  “Daddy, can you make him a PB sandwich?”  That type of thing.  So even when the kids are gone I will sometimes call him that out of habit (and yes, I’ve used that term in bed a few times too…not as if I’m calling him my daddy, but just calling him that because he is the daddy of our children and that’s his role).  If you and your husband find those pet names to be loving towards each other then don’t allow others to rob you of your joy.  Just my opinion 🙂

Weekly poll #81: What gift would you like the MOST on Valentines Day? (choose 1)

Sacred Sex: Chp. 2

The first thing that I found interesting was the discussion of  “common grace”  (pg 28).  This gift of sex is available to everyone to enjoy.  Everyone is free to enjoy the physical pleasures of sex and can also use it to reproduce.  But he goes on to explain: “Christians are the only ones who can fully grasp and benefit from the holiness of sex.”

In the next few pages he talks about illicit sex and how that factors in to things.  Unbelievers who have sex are still becoming one with each other.  And if a Christian has illicit sex with a friend/stranger/prostitute/coworker etc., he or she not only uniting their physical bodies as one, but the believer is “uniting the body of Christ with the other person.” Isn’t that something to think about?  “As believers, if we have sex outside the bonds of marriage, we have dishonored God with our bodies by becoming one in the wrong way.” Of course I have heard teachings on adultery before, but this is the first time that I’ve ever heard it explained this way.  Our bodies are a temple of the Holy Spirit, and when we sin against our own bodies (sexually) we are essentially sinning against God.  He references those familiar verses of 1 Corinthians 6.

I think that page 37 was the biggie for me in this chapter.  God created everything and it was all good.  God created Adam and he was good.  The first thing that wasn’t good was that Adam was alone.  Sin had not yet entered, so there was nothing coming between he and God, but it was still “not good” that he was alone.   God could have done any one of several things for Adam, but He chose to give Adam, Eve.   God knew beforehand that Adam would be lonely (because God knows all)…and He told Adam that without Eve (his wife) a part of him was missing.  Listen to what he says:  “Even though Adam was created in God’s image, without Eve he didn’t yet fully represent God’s image.  The work of creation wasn’t complete until God formed Eve from Adam’s rib.” If you are reading this article without having read the book, then you may be wondering if that somehow means that unmarried people are “less.”  The answer is NO!  Not at all!  But I would like to encourage you to read this chapter to gain further insight.

I was glad to see him use an example couple (Michael and Sarah) as well.  The example he used is like so many emails that we get here at CN.  The wife has no libido of her own and feels like sex is just something on her list of things she needs to do for her husband and to have children.  I was glad to hear the resolution to this couple’s stagnant intimacy.  It is never just one person’s problem.  A marriage is two becoming one, and when one had an ‘issue’ the other is indirectly (if not directly) related to that issue as well.

I didn’t mention every single thing covered in this chapter.  These are just the points that stuck out to me as I was reading.  What stood out to you?  Anything that challenged your thinking or views?  Anything that you disagreed with?   What did you get out of chapter 2?

Sentence Starters

Finish the following sentence in the comment box:

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Using mirrors in the bedroom is …

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Intimacy After Loss

Over the last few months we have received emails from several of you who have recently suffered a loss in your lives.  You have asked about how to handle intimacy in the midst of losing a loved one.  One woman even asked if one of us had personally had any experience living through this ourselves.  Everyone processes grief differently, but here is my story.

I lost my grandmother six years ago.   She & I were extremely close to the point where she was truly my second mom.  I grew up next door to her and she taught me how to sew on her old Singer sewing machine, how to bake cupcakes, and how to make homemade biscuits.  When my parents fought (which happened a lot) she was my refuge and took me in.  When I was sick at school, she is the one who would come pick me up.  As I grew into a woman she remained one of my best friends and you could find me at her house multiple times a week.  She was truly a woman of God and I had so much admiration for her.

When she was eighty-eight years old, Cancer took her from me and her death was a blow that was so hard to recover from.  My children were 2 & 4yrs at the time and I remember trying so hard to be strong in front of them….and then when I was alone, in the bathroom, driving, lying in bed, doing dishes, wherever…. I would grieve her loss the most.  I felt like no one understood the bond I had with her, and I felt like my children had been robbed of being able to know the best person in the world.

I remember being so upset that I just wanted to be held by my husband.  I also remember a period of time where I was just numb.  I think I had cried so much that there was nothing left but numbness, and I just wanted everyone to leave me alone, including my husband.

But during that time where I was slowly coming out of the grief, and coming back to myself, I remember wanting my husband to make love to me to give me some normalcy.  One of my primary love languages is physical touch, and so I wanted that intimacy between us so that I could feel my husband’s love for me.  Orgasm wasn’t as important, but I did want to feel him inside me.  I wanted to feel us joined together.  I wanted to know that our lives and our love would go on.  I wanted that reassurance.

My husband thought that the “nice thing to do” would be to not initiate sex with me at all, because he didn’t want me to feel pressured, and he didn’t want to come off as a jerk after I had just experienced such a tragic loss… and I wasn’t bold enough (or good enough with my communication) to just tell him that I actually NEEDED sex with him.  So for a little while I wanted/needed that connection to him but didn’t get it because he thought he was doing the right thing.  But sex would have been comforting to me.

You may not be like me at all.  Everyone processes grief in a different way.  My only advice to you would be to make sure that your husband knows what you want/need from him during this difficult time.  You may go through periods of different emotions such as anger, profound sorrow, bitterness, emptiness, fear, numbness, and many others.  Just allow yourself to be human and know that you have a husband and family who are here for you in whatever capacity you need them to be.  And your heavenly Father is also here with you, holding you in His arms.  You are not alone.

If anyone would like to share a testimony of how you were able to live through grief and how the intimacy in your marriage was affected, please use the comment box.

Weekly poll #80: What kind of breast play do you enjoy most?

I know you could probably choose several of these answers, but which one do you enjoy the MOST?

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