Is Dark Chocolate an Aphrodisiac?

Late last month, I was having a really bad week.  My hubby was incredibly sweet.  He bought me some flowers to cheer me up and he also bought me…. dark chocolate with caramel in the center.   Ghirardelli chocolate to be exact.   I love dark chocolate.  I love caramel.  I love Ghirardelli.   But the bigger thing….dark chocolate is my aphrodisiac.

I cannot explain what dark chocolate does to me.   I become much more receptive to his kisses.  I become much more interested in his advances.   Sex is so much better.   Is it a placebo?  Or is it for real?

I recently went searching online to see what it is about this dark chocolate that really turns me on (besides the fact that it is chocolate)   It seems as though ingredients in making chocolate increase serotonin levels in the brain.   Serotonin and dopamine are neurotransmitters that increases feelings of pleasure while numbing pain.  Theobromine raises the heart rate while dilating blood vessels.   It has a mood elevating effect.   Phenethylamine stimulates the central nervous system and surges into the brain during orgasm.  This is produced naturally in your body when you are feeling in love.  Chocolate also has a melting point that is very close to our body’s natural temperature and it melts in your mouth very easily.  That in itself is a stimulating experience!  Dark chocolate might also produce a raised level of testosterone in some women, too.

With all of this in mind, my hubby is thrilled that I am doing this article.  He’s also been on the prowl for new forms of chocolate for his lady….to the point he has my son asking, “Dad. why are you buying so much chocolate for Mom?” to which he replies,  “Son, I have my reasons……”  😉

Weekly poll #88: Which of the following is the biggest passion killer in your marriage?

I found this article to be somewhat interesting, so I thought I would take the poll at the end of the article and see how comparable we are to our British cousins across the Atlantic.  One choice only, please!  🙂   ~ Spicynutmeg

Sacred Sex: Chp. 9

Wow… what a difficult chapter all about the lies and broken promises of “just sex.”  After last week’s easier read, I was glad to see these topics addressed.  The example he used of “Jenna” was a sad one, but one that resonates with many of us.  I know a couple of “Jenna’s” myself.  Not with the exact same past & circumstances, but close.  People can make some bad decisions based on feeling lonely and needing to feel loved.

I agree that sex is never “just sex.”  In most of these chapters, Mr. Gardner has talked about the wondrous intimacy and oneness that sexual intimacy can bring between a husband and wife.  This chapter, however, is different.  He tackles serious subjects and discusses the things that cause sex to destroy rather than build up. Among these topics are what he calls:

The Four Horsemen of Sexual Degradation (pgs. 177-182)

  • Sexual Abuse
  • Pornography
  • “Casual” Sex
  • Broken Promises

I’m not going into lots of detail here about each one (because you have already read that) but each one of these things causes pain and destruction.  Gardner continuously points out to us that the cross  is the answer.  People who are hurting and making bad choices need to be led to the cross.  For many people, sex is tied to horrid memories of the past, and they cannot comprehend how sex can be holy.  The cross used to be looked at like that.  Thousands of years ago it reminded people of humiliation, pain, suffering, and death.  Today the cross has been transformed and renewed.  We wear it around our necks proudly as a sign of hope and God’s grace.  Just like the cross, sex can be renewed.  Gardner quoted Colossians 2:13-14 and then said:  “Jesus Christ has conquered the death of the cross and brought us life; and He can bring to life what is dead in your life as well.  And that means that He is able to redeem and heal your view and experience of sex.” He then goes on to elaborate on how grace can destroy the four horsemen mentioned above.  I bet we all can relate to one of them, or know someone close to us who does.

For some reason I’m sitting here singing an old hymn in my head now.  I know this is a simple song, but it so applies here.  Marvelous Grace

In the end Gardner does say that some cases do need professional help or accountability helpers.  There is no shame in needing a Marriage or Sex Counselor to help you work through your issues.  “Through the hope of the cross, Eden has been redeemed.”

Sentence Starters

Finish the following sentence in the comment box:


I sometimes feel inadequate about ______.


Preparing Your Treasure Chest

“I’m getting married this august 14th and I want to put something together for my fh for our wedding night. we’re both virgins, but I struggle with self-confidence.   My idea is to get a decorative storage trunk from hobby lobby and use it to store our sex stuff–for lack of better wordage. I’d use it to store my lingerie and general sex-related stuff for us (lube, lotions, towels/washclothes…cuz I’m one of those virgins who never knew about sex to be messy…until after reading an article on here) anyway….i’m just posting on here about this because, those are basically all the ideas i have :-/ and i’m not very imaginative and have barely begun looking into starting this….not to mention kind of hesitant (no doubt part of my self-consciousness :P) but yes, would you mind helping me out thinking of ideas for things for me to put in this box? I really want to be confident in myself for my fh on our wedding night! 🙂 “

You have a nice list of stuff already!  Good job!  What a creative thing to do!  Okay, so let’s run with this!  Lets start with a basic storage chest type of thing, and brainstorm some items that couples can put into the trunk for after the wedding day…

  • Lingerie/robes for husband and wife
  • Two different types of lube (you’ll need silicone based for shower/bath/hot tub sex!)
  • Satin/Silk sheets (you may or may not like these)
  • Hand towel or wash cloths (for clean up)
  • Gum and/or Mints (chewing gum is good in between marathon sex rounds and keeps your breath fresh smelling!)
  • Candles & a lighter (romantic lighting to set the mood)
  • Massage oils & towels & body massager to help work those muscles (giving each other a body massage is very intimate and may be needed if you are too sore for penetration one day)
  • Devotional book (read one each morning together over breakfast)
  • Marital Intimacy Book (read a chapter each night together)
  • iPod (or CD) full of songs that are romantic and good for love making! (remember portable speakers if you need them)
  • Bottle of wine or sparkling cider and two glasses
  • Snacks you both like (hey, you will be working up an appetite 😆 )
  • Feathers or silk scarves (if you think those things would be nice)
  • Vibrator or toy if you know ahead of time that you are both okay with using such items.  (this may need to be for after the honeymoon ?)
I bet our readers can think of many more things that could be put in that chest.  Okay ladies… help me brainstorm some more items.  What else could couples stick into their “Treasure Chest” for the honeymoon (and even afterward!)  Leave your wonderful ideas in the comment section!

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Weekly poll #87: Piercings…where do you have them?

Sacred Sex: Chp. 8

I really enjoyed reading this chapter.  All women couples everywhere should read this chapter!  “Beauty Worship” and using sex to sell things is everywhere you look.  We women are bombarded with pictures of bone thin models who many times appear to be malnourished to me…and yet many of us continue to believe the lie that sex would be better for us (or for our husbands) if we lost ten pounds or if we got in the tanning bed or if we had a boob job 😕

He isn’t saying that doing those things are necessarily wrong.  If you know that losing weight would benefit you health-wise and make you feel like doing more stuff with your kids/family and feel better about yourself, then by all means work on that!  If you honestly feel more comfortable having a tan in the summer months and it makes you less self conscious about your almost albino looking legs, then okay.  But listen to this quote from pg. 157: “…if the subtle motivation is that somehow you’ll have more worth as a person, then you’re wasting your time and your money.  If you’re convinced that you’ll be more lovable, a better person, or more valuable to others if your appearance is altered, you will ultimately be disappointed.  If you believe that having bigger breasts, a tighter stomach, or a fuller head of hair will increase your sexual enjoyment and that your emotional intimacy will skyrocket, you’ve bought into the “great bodies equal great sex” lie.”

It’s like saying if you go out and get a boob job that your husband’s orgasm will be stronger and longer than usual.  Or if your husband goes through all of these laser procedures or implants for hair regrowth on his head, that you will all of a sudden be more aroused and have a more satisfying sex life with him.  The media is working hard to condition us all to believe these lies about sex and beauty, but we need to stay rooted to what we know is the truth. Proverbs 31:30 Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised. (He also gives us MANY more scripture references on pages 166-167!)

Have you ever allowed yourself to get sucked in to believing some of these lies about beauty given to us by our culture?  I’m not sure how many of you are reading this book with your husbands, but this chapter has some very good discussion questions at the end for couples.  Please share any thoughts you have about this in the comment box!

Sentence Starters

Finish the following sentence in the comment box:


When my husband gives me oral sex, I go crazy when he ______.


Giving Up Sex for Lent: Good Idea or Bad?

We have now entered the season of lent and for many Christians this means fasting from ‘something’ in order to pray and prepare themselves for Easter. Traditionally, people will abstain from partaking in something they normally have on a regular basis and then Sunday is their “feast day,” the day when they will enjoy whatever they are fasting from during the 40 days of lent.

A reader wrote us asking our opinion on the idea of giving up sex during lent and we thought it would be a great discussion. My personal opinion is that, as with so many other aspects of sexual activity in marriage, it really depends on each couple. I don’t think it is innately good or bad. While I would be more concerned if the couple wasn’t intimate at all for the entire time between Ash Wednesday and Easter, if the couple holds to the belief of including Sundays as a feast day 🙂 I can see how this could be a good thing for them if God was leading them to fast from sex Mondays through Saturdays during lent. The Bible even speaks to the issue of a couple abstaining from sex for the purpose of prayer and fasting so it’s not out of the realm of reason to consider it (1 Corinthians 7). Paul warns though to limit the time of the fast so that the couple isn’t tempted.

So my opinion is that as long as both the husband and wife agree to it, I don’t see a problem with this and can see how it could actually be a blessing to them. Sunday sex could be really awesome in a case like this.

So what do you think? What would your reasons be for fasting or not fasting from sex?  Do you think you could get on board with this? Do you think it could make your sex life better? Do you think it would cause you to pray more about your intimacy than you do now? I’d love to hear your thoughts on this!

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