Wow… what a difficult chapter all about the lies and broken promises of “just sex.”  After last week’s easier read, I was glad to see these topics addressed.  The example he used of “Jenna” was a sad one, but one that resonates with many of us.  I know a couple of “Jenna’s” myself.  Not with the exact same past & circumstances, but close.  People can make some bad decisions based on feeling lonely and needing to feel loved.

I agree that sex is never “just sex.”  In most of these chapters, Mr. Gardner has talked about the wondrous intimacy and oneness that sexual intimacy can bring between a husband and wife.  This chapter, however, is different.  He tackles serious subjects and discusses the things that cause sex to destroy rather than build up. Among these topics are what he calls:

The Four Horsemen of Sexual Degradation (pgs. 177-182)

• Sexual Abuse
• Pornography
• “Casual” Sex
• Broken Promises

I’m not going into lots of detail here about each one (because you have already read that) but each one of these things causes pain and destruction.  Gardner continuously points out to us that the cross  is the answer.  People who are hurting and making bad choices need to be led to the cross.  For many people, sex is tied to horrid memories of the past, and they cannot comprehend how sex can be holy.  The cross used to be looked at like that.  Thousands of years ago it reminded people of humiliation, pain, suffering, and death.  Today the cross has been transformed and renewed.  We wear it around our necks proudly as a sign of hope and God’s grace.  Just like the cross, sex can be renewed.  Gardner quoted Colossians 2:13-14 and then said:  “Jesus Christ has conquered the death of the cross and brought us life; and He can bring to life what is dead in your life as well.  And that means that He is able to redeem and heal your view and experience of sex.” He then goes on to elaborate on how grace can destroy the four horsemen mentioned above.  I bet we all can relate to one of them, or know someone close to us who does.

For some reason I’m sitting here singing an old hymn in my head now.  I know this is a simple song, but it so applies here.  Marvelous Grace

In the end Gardner does say that some cases do need professional help or accountability helpers.  There is no shame in needing a Marriage or Sex Counselor to help you work through your issues.  “Through the hope of the cross, Eden has been redeemed.”

March 28, 2011
Categories: Sacred Sex . . Author: cumingirl . Comments: 7 Comments

I really enjoyed reading this chapter.  All women couples everywhere should read this chapter!  “Beauty Worship” and using sex to sell things is everywhere you look.  We women are bombarded with pictures of bone thin models who many times appear to be malnourished to me…and yet many of us continue to believe the lie that sex would be better for us (or for our husbands) if we lost ten pounds or if we got in the tanning bed or if we had a boob job 😕

He isn’t saying that doing those things are necessarily wrong.  If you know that losing weight would benefit you health-wise and make you feel like doing more stuff with your kids/family and feel better about yourself, then by all means work on that!  If you honestly feel more comfortable having a tan in the summer months and it makes you less self conscious about your almost albino looking legs, then okay.  But listen to this quote from pg. 157: “…if the subtle motivation is that somehow you’ll have more worth as a person, then you’re wasting your time and your money.  If you’re convinced that you’ll be more lovable, a better person, or more valuable to others if your appearance is altered, you will ultimately be disappointed.  If you believe that having bigger breasts, a tighter stomach, or a fuller head of hair will increase your sexual enjoyment and that your emotional intimacy will skyrocket, you’ve bought into the “great bodies equal great sex” lie.”

It’s like saying if you go out and get a boob job that your husband’s orgasm will be stronger and longer than usual.  Or if your husband goes through all of these laser procedures or implants for hair regrowth on his head, that you will all of a sudden be more aroused and have a more satisfying sex life with him.  The media is working hard to condition us all to believe these lies about sex and beauty, but we need to stay rooted to what we know is the truth. Proverbs 31:30 Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised. (He also gives us MANY more scripture references on pages 166-167!)

Have you ever allowed yourself to get sucked in to believing some of these lies about beauty given to us by our culture?  I’m not sure how many of you are reading this book with your husbands, but this chapter has some very good discussion questions at the end for couples.  Please share any thoughts you have about this in the comment box!

March 21, 2011
Categories: Sacred Sex . . Author: cumingirl . Comments: 5 Comments