Sacred Sex: Chp. 8

I really enjoyed reading this chapter.  All women couples everywhere should read this chapter!  “Beauty Worship” and using sex to sell things is everywhere you look.  We women are bombarded with pictures of bone thin models who many times appear to be malnourished to me…and yet many of us continue to believe the lie that sex would be better for us (or for our husbands) if we lost ten pounds or if we got in the tanning bed or if we had a boob job 😕

He isn’t saying that doing those things are necessarily wrong.  If you know that losing weight would benefit you health-wise and make you feel like doing more stuff with your kids/family and feel better about yourself, then by all means work on that!  If you honestly feel more comfortable having a tan in the summer months and it makes you less self conscious about your almost albino looking legs, then okay.  But listen to this quote from pg. 157: “…if the subtle motivation is that somehow you’ll have more worth as a person, then you’re wasting your time and your money.  If you’re convinced that you’ll be more lovable, a better person, or more valuable to others if your appearance is altered, you will ultimately be disappointed.  If you believe that having bigger breasts, a tighter stomach, or a fuller head of hair will increase your sexual enjoyment and that your emotional intimacy will skyrocket, you’ve bought into the “great bodies equal great sex” lie.”

It’s like saying if you go out and get a boob job that your husband’s orgasm will be stronger and longer than usual.  Or if your husband goes through all of these laser procedures or implants for hair regrowth on his head, that you will all of a sudden be more aroused and have a more satisfying sex life with him.  The media is working hard to condition us all to believe these lies about sex and beauty, but we need to stay rooted to what we know is the truth. Proverbs 31:30 Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised. (He also gives us MANY more scripture references on pages 166-167!)

Have you ever allowed yourself to get sucked in to believing some of these lies about beauty given to us by our culture?  I’m not sure how many of you are reading this book with your husbands, but this chapter has some very good discussion questions at the end for couples.  Please share any thoughts you have about this in the comment box!


  1. Can’t say how many times my DH has been denied lovemaking because of my self-image. He thinks I’m hot and always wants me, yet I constantly stop myself and him because of this. At 46 I’m really not too bad, but rarely allow myself the pleasure he can give me by just getting out of my head and letting go. My goal this week is sexy underwear, steamy texts with my DH, and incredible sex that we both deserve!!! :-))))))

  2. Atta girl! Drop the p-bomb on him. I’m sure he’ll love it ;).

  3. I’ve finished the book so I may have this quote from a different chapter: “To conform to a sick world is to be sick”. That line hit me so hard. I used to be the cultural epitome of beauty (well except my breasts were not huge). I am not bragging when I say that. A size 0 was large on me and yet I still filled out a bra well. Then I got health issues and gained some weight. I no longer felt attractive. I figured sex was for the young and beautiful. When I read this book what really hit me was even when I looked like our societies view of an attractive woman I did not feel good enough. I placed my value in my beauty. This is something that I have been struggling to completely overcome the last couple of years. I miss how I used to look. I often think my husband must miss it too although he says nothing but good things to me. Looking back there was a lot in my life that messed me up. I was constantly told I was pretty from the time I was little, by everyone, not just my family. I grew up thinking that is what made me special. Everyone had something they were good at for me it was the way I could wrap men around my finger by looking at them. Sad but true. I am finding value in myself for who I am now not for how I look. I sometimes think God took away my body to help me grow as a person – and I have. I need to put that more in the bedroom though – I need to realize that sucking in my tummy to feel firmer, laying in only the most flattering poses is not going to help me orgasm. I have a tummy now and larger thighs but I am STILL beautiful. I just need to remember that. Sorry that was a long ramble, but this chapter hit me hard.

  4. Thanks for sharing this with us. I can somewhat relate to you. This chapter really spoke to me as well. I’m learning so much about myself and my marriage. I’m so encouraged about what God is teaching me thru His word, this book and this great website!

    Thanks to ALL of you!

  5. Can somebody please answer this question for me. I am about 60 lbs overweight and giving birth to my three wonderful boys has left my body with lots of belly skin. I feel disgusting and am currently exercising to get healthy and, hopefully get rid of some of the belly weight. Now, my question is is it ok for a husband to notice other women. Not in a lustful way. He says does not care if I look at other men because he loves me and he trusts me, and I should feel the same way. I totally trust him and know he will not cheat on me, but I am bothered by the fact that he will notice other women who look good. Is it just my insecurities? I often wonder if it would even bother me if I felt this way if I was in shape. I am at a loss. Now, he always comments on how he would love to see me in some thongs or other lingerie when I get the weight off. I am not sure what to think about it. I am so clouded by the way I feel about myself right now that I am not sure what is right. HELP!!

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