Weekly poll #88: Which of the following is the biggest passion killer in your marriage?

I found this article to be somewhat interesting, so I thought I would take the poll at the end of the article and see how comparable we are to our British cousins across the Atlantic.  One choice only, please!  🙂   ~ Spicynutmeg

32 Comments

  1. Working hours per week. (Also, working a very stressful job that he doesn’t like..) It was a very close call between that and lack of sex/romance… but I think the former is a big cause of the latter!

  2. our bedroom is directly below our daughters’ H is very worried that they can hear us and it inhibits him. They are away at college now so it’s been smooth sailing.

  3. For me, my biggest killer is stress/lack of help around the house. When my husband is sitting there playing his video games and I’m working around the house doing whatever needs to be done, it just makes me upset–hense the mood killing 🙂
    Thankfully it’s gotten much better, but it’s still a challenge we’ll have to deal with once he returns from his deployment

  4. What kills it for me is the burping and farting. He’s very polite about it in public, but in private… not so much.

  5. I chose answer not given. The little things don’t bother me all that much. The thing that kills the passion the fastest for me is when my hubby doesn’t listen. For example, when we are talking and I have said something or explained something, and he turns around and asks me again or acts like he doesn’t hear me, it drives me crazy! He has gotten much better with this over the years. We don’t have to agree on everything that is being said, just acknowledge one another when they speak!

  6. I wouldn’t call it a passion killer exactly, but being a Navy wife, it is a challenge to juggle the times we have for intimacy with hubby’s schedule. Sparks are still there, thank God :). But often they don’t get the chance to become huge flames.

  7. now that I read the article I would amend my “other” response to say “none of the above, ever” Since I began taking care of him better and paying attention to his needs better he started doing the same for me. Our lives seem to be given over to doing small things that say “I am totally in love with you” THAT keeps our passion for each other alive and kicking so that the occasional toe nail is soo not a big deal

  8. I voted lack of sex/romance b/c that was a big issue in the past. However, we are working on that and it is much better! I would say if something kills it now it is more the snoring, burping and other non-sexy things like that. Tommygirl is right though the more you work on the “loving each other” the easier it is to handle the rest of the stuff!

  9. Other: My DH and I both are guilty of not affirming each other enough; saying the wonderful things that we love about each other. It’s much easier to see and talk about how empty our cups are rather than how full they are. Some of you may be familiar with the “deposit/withdraw at the love bank” analogy. We tend to verbally withdraw more from each other than to deposit love into our banks.

  10. I chose other. The biggest passion killer for us is having a 16 month old still sleeping with us and breastfeeding. We need to take full advatage of the time she is asleep in her bed instead of watching television or finishing up the chores. Those other things don’t tend to put out my fire!

  11. We don’t have many passion killers right now, because we have been more intentional about having a great sex life. And we are good about encouraging and supporting each other, not bickering or tearing down, etc. In the past, one of the biggest passion killers for me was fatigue, especially when our children were young and required so much energy and attention. The other was poor communication about sex – I didn’t think that he was paying attention to my needs and he thought I was not interested. We are doing better in both of these areas, thank goodness.

  12. Its a toss up between tiredness and cleaniness. Cleaniness because the sex is always better and more “invovled” when I am soon out of the shower. Middle of the day sex is never as involved.

  13. That’s tough for us too only it’s MINE not his! I have irritable bowel syndrome so I have a lot more trouble with these two issues than the average person. The problem is that if you have to let wind go, it’s uncomfortable to keep it in!! Your husband is probably just trying to be comfortable, not to offend you. It’s disgusting but I feel soooo much better if I fart or barp instead of holding it in. My hubby is soooo sweet. I was so embarrassed once and he said he’d rather have poop shoved up his nose all the time than live without me. Awww. The real secret: laugh about it, and keep Glade Tough Odor Solutions Spray nearby. It can kill any smell.

  14. I chose other. The little things don’t really bother me. Things like picking up after him I choose to see as something to be grateful for. They mean I HAVE a husband to pick up after and even be annoyed by. I remember when my Granddad died my Grandmother would have given anything to have one more coffee cup to take in the kitchen for him.

    Our biggest passion killer would be pregnancy right now and kids normally. They complicate things! Like last night. I was actually really wanting him but coaching the kids through setting the table got me really frustrated and almost killed it for us.

    But like I said, I don’t usually let little things get to me. For him however it would be my lack of housekeeping skills, and with good reason. Speaking of…dishes await, I must go.

  15. i wish i could change mine too. i put work, because the older we get the more it exhausts us. BUT, i was just think that living with my mil for the last 4 months is a killer for us too, because we have always been very flirty and handsy with each other through out the evening and it always got us in the mood, but now my husband doesn’t feel comfortable flirting with me when his mom is around (which is all the time!). pray we are able to buy a house soon – PLEASE!!

  16. The biggest passion killer for me is when he apologizes after sex. I think in 8 years we have had sex without him apologizing twice. It is also a big passion killer when he talks about how worthless he thinks he is. I try to build him up. But nothing I say or do seems to help to change his mindset.

  17. The biggest passion killer in our house? Being tired. Seriously. The other stuff I can look past, but man as the years have gone on, we’ve both just gotten fatigued, especially me. Right now I have a 21 month old boy and I’m 38 weeks pregnant…I just want to sleep. Even though I would love to have sex, I’m usually too tired to initiate, and my husband doesn’t want to because he thinks I’m too tired or uncomfortable. In reality, I would totally go for it, if he started things (and I’ve told him so), but he just doesn’t. Hopefully things will perk up in a few months when the baby is here and we’re past the newborn phase. 🙂

  18. I’m with you! My DH and I work opposite shifts for now, and when I’m home I do laundry, unload the dishwasher, clean up after the cat, etc.
    When I come home and he’s been home by himself, I find dishes in the sink and an empty beer bottle by his computer.
    Doesn’t happen all the time, but certainly a mood KILLER.

  19. I chose other, because my biggest passion killer is when DH overreacts to something our children have done, and upsets them. I am not talking about the disciplinary actions when a behavior needs to be addressed, but rather, situations where he loses patience with them and they end up feeling hurt and sad, or situations where he is teasing them and trying to have fun, but they are getting more and more irritated, and he doesn’t stop when he should. He is a GREAT father to our children, and these times are not daily, but when they do occur, I find myself very turned off!

  20. My words and vote exactly!

  21. Thanks! I needed to hear that. 🙂 I think it’s been slightly more obvious of late with my morning sickness, but I picked up a good habit of lighting candles during my first pregnancy, and I’ve started doing that again. Definitely helps. And thanks for the perspective.

  22. mostly stress/lack of sleep. also our two puppies are always wanting to be in the same room as us and if they arent they whine.

  23. My health. I have problems with so many things…

  24. For me, it is lack of communication. He is a quiet type… and I have learned to enjoy being together…. but sometimes he is withdrawn. Sometimes he is far away from me. That kills the passion for me. The tricky thing is that sometimes he doesn’t understand that he is being distant and can still feel passionate. It is hard for me to turn myself around lovingly.

  25. The biggest passion killer in my marriage is my selfishness. Sure fatigue, stress, kids – these all play their part, but at the center of it all is the desire for my needs to be met, for me to be put first and for my husband to act in the way that I feel he should. I find that when I focus on loving my husband, preferring him and serving him with joy that only comes from the working of the Spirit in my life, I desire my husband more, which in turn leads to more sex, which in turn cultivates our desire for one another and breathes life back into our physical and emotional relationship. When we are loving one another like everything is better – even the laundry!

  26. WORLD OF WARCRAFT. well if i were to blame it on him. 😉 probably the biggest passion killer is my insecurity.

  27. Oh, I hear you!! This is so incredibly true…and so perfectly put!

  28. His weight. I try not to dwell on it, but I’m a visual girl and he’s a far cry from looking like the guy I married. I work out, and take care of myself, but he doesn’t seem to care. He doesn’t get it that his belly isn’t killing our sex life, but it sure isn’t helping. Along with how it looks, there are positions that just won’t work anymore. Total passion killer.

  29. The biggest passion killer in my marriage is my in-laws.I hate their unannounced visits.Once during one of our lovemaking sessions,his mother came to the house and was parked in our driveway and we were not even aware of it until she called us on her cell phone while sitting in her car.Calling us from just outside the house does not constitute an announced visit.It sure kills the mood.

  30. selfishness. Selfishness breeds disaster in our love life causing apathy, laziness, distraction, discontentment, disillusionment, and dissension. Lately my husband and I both have been incredibly self-centered and its killing our sexual passion and pleasure. It’s also keeping us from meeting each other’s nonsexual intimacy needs which in turn negatively affects sex. we’ve decided to hold off on sex for five days (maybe longer is necessary, but we’re committing to 5 to start) and focus on loving each other in other ways, rebuilding our desire and refocusing on how God calls us to love each other.

  31. I understand you very well. I’m a visual girl too, and my husband doesn’t care too much about his appearance. I think that the idea that men are prevailingly interested in the other sex’ appearance, but girls especially look at other issues, is a myth. I chose to have the lights off or have pale light when we ML because I don’t want to see my husband naked.

  32. The comment above should have been a reply to Sweet-Brown Sugar’s comment. Sorry for being inattentive when posting it.


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