Please only participate if you have read the chapter for context. If you haven’t yet had a chance to read these chapters, you are welcome to return to this post when you have.
Chapter 5 Observations and Quotations
1. When a husband and wife are in the Crazy Cycle, who should be the first to turn things around? For Eggerichs, the Lord lead him to this conclusion: the one who sees himself or herself as the most mature. My immediate response is different. I believe that the one who first recognizes that they are on a cycle of disrespect and a lack of love should be the first to make a change. What is your conclusion?
Page 76 Some wives fear that taking a respectful attitude during conflict with their husbands will render them powerless. These women do not believe a husband will change into a loving man unless he is awakened to his flaws. And the only way he will awaken to his inadequacies and faults is to hear his wife’s grumblings, corrections and contempt.
2. Do you think it is possible to mention flaws that you see in your husband without grumbling and contempt? In other words, can you maintain respect and also bring correction at the same time? I can. I think a wise woman can pick her timing and create an atmosphere of humility so that correction can be given and received.
3. Do you identify with the suggestion that when you get angry and lose your self control, that it comes from a place of wanting to be loved? While I agree with it in part, I don’t think it’s quite as simple as that. I think a lot of variables influence our emotions during conflict.
Chapter 6 Observations and Quotations
1. As mentioned in this chapter, do you feel a tension between unconditional respect and being a hypocrite? How does your heart respond to respond to the idea of respecting your husband even when you are not feeling like it?
Page 90 I am asking the Lord to show me ways to show [my husband] genuine respect. I have definitely seen a difference in his attitude toward me.
I believe this is the key. The Lord knows you. He knows your husband. He knows how you can show genuine respect in your marriage in a way that will be authentic for you and meaningful for him.
Page 91 Showing respectful behaviour when we don’t “feel respectful” is evidence of maturity, not hypocrisy.
So true. Amen?
2. On page 92 Eggerichs presents some verbiage that helped him more clearly communicate with his wife. “Honey, that felt disrespectful.” This is the sort of language that allows you to express yourself honestly without it becoming an attack on your spouse. What other phrases have you used with success?
Chapter 7 Observations and Quotations
1. On page 110, an excerpt from a letter recounts how God brought breakthrough to a marriage by softening the man and woman’s heart. I believe that any time we can humble ourselves and maintain soft hearts, there is going to be good fruit in our relationships. It has certainly been that way in my home with my husband, but also between us and our children. Have you experienced this good fruit?
Please feel free to share your own insights and questions below. Please be ready next week to discuss chapters 8 through 10.
Christian Nymphos 