Love and Respect: Chapters 8 – 10

Please only participate if you have read the chapter for context. If you haven’t yet had a chance to read these chapters, you are welcome to return to this post when you have.

Chapter 8 Observations and Quotations

1. Eggerichs calls The Energizing Cycle a proactive, positive and preventative way of staying off the Crazy Cycle. We begin in this chapter to consider how love is best communicated to a woman. The intent of this section of the book is to teach men how to love their wives in a way that is meaningful to them. Eggerichs has chosen 6 relational qualities that he has observed as a need in the women he has counselled. Together they make up the word “COUPLE” and are listed as follows. Closeness, Openness, Understanding, Peacemaking, Loyalty and Esteem. Before we go into detail on each of them, generally speaking, can you identify with these things?

Page 120 [A pilot] learns that if his instrument panel tells him he’s upside down, even if he feels he’s right side up, he should listen to the instrument panel and turn the plane right side up, no matter how he feels.

2. This quote is an encouragement to men to trust that if they follow the guiding principles set out in COUPLE, even if it feels wrong, they will find that they stay off the Crazy Cycle more easily. Can you relate to this? Are there things in your life that you do because you know they are right even if they feel wrong?

Since the following chapters are intended for men, I invite you to reflect on the ideas and share if you can relate to the examples and stories in each chapter.

Chapter 9 Reflections

Closeness – I can relate to finding pleasure in my marriage through closeness. My husband and I love to sit next to each other on the couch in the evenings. Our focus isn’t usually on one another, but we like to just be near each other. I can’t say it is a stronger need in me than it is in him, but it’s definitely present. As I write this, movie credits are rolling over the TV screen from the show we just watched and he is working on something on his laptop next to me. This is how many of our evenings are, and we love it.

Chapter 10 Reflections

Openness – I can really relate to the analogy on page 136 of the circuit board. Without a doubt, stereotype or not, in my marriage our issues definitely all feel connected to me and for my husband he can keep them separate. Later on page 143 Eggerichs mentions that if a man is forceful in sharing his opinion it can sound harsh and unloving to his wife. This I can relate to as well. My husband and I express ourselves very differently and even when he does not mean to sound harsh, I have felt what Eggerichs refers to as “my air hose being clamped down on.”

I would love to hear what insights you found in these chapters. I’d like to have some discussion on them if there were certain points that were particularly helpful, even though the chapters are directed towards men.

Please be ready next week to discuss the remaining chapters covering the COUPLE acronym. Understanding, Peacemaking, Loyalty and Esteem.

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