Love and Respect: Chapters 11 – 14

Please only participate if you have read the chapter for context. If you haven’t yet had a chance to read these chapters, you are welcome to return to this post when you have.

Just like last week’s book study, since the following chapters are intended for men, I invite you to reflect on the ideas and share if you can relate to the examples and stories in each chapter.

Chapter 11 Reflections

Understanding – In this chapter I can really identify with the need for my husband to just listen sometimes and not necessarily give me any “help” if I am having a problem. I have actually come to the point where I will preface a conversation about a frustrating situation with a comment like, “I don’t need you to fix this, but I just wanted to share what’s going on.” It been a very helpful communication tool for us.

Chapter 12 Reflections

Peacemaking – One comment that bothered me in this chapter was on page 156, ” I learned that God intended for some conflict to exist in marriage.” He based it on 1 Corinthians 7:3-4, but I do not see how this verse supports that statement and it is contrary to what the Lord has been teaching me in recent years about pain and suffering in general. I do not agree that God intended conflict. I believe he intended complete unity, but humanity’s fall brought conflict into our relationships. Now that conflict exists, I believe God uses it all to His glory. It’s the miracle of his redemption. He uses the conflict in our marriages to make us holy and to bring us closer to one another, but I do not believe that it was part of his original plan for us.

Chapter 13 Reflections

Loyalty – Having come from a home with a habitually adulterous father, this is something I entered into marriage having fear about. God has brought me incredible healing over the years and I am thankful that I have a husband who is so committed to me and our marriage. As Eggerichs quotes on page 167, my husband agrees with the biblical statement “I have made a promise with my eyes. I promised not to look at another woman with sexual longing.”

Chapter 14 Reflections

Esteem – As expressed on page 181, although I can identify with feeling esteemed when my husband thanks me for things (as he does when I express thanks for we both have Words of Affirmation as high level love languages), I can not relate with the desire for my husband to read my mind (page 179). Well, perhaps I sometimes wish he was able to, but I certainly do not expect it. When I have a preference about something I am certain to express my opinion and when I genuinely do not have a preference, that is when I tell him to go ahead and decide. Sometimes he does the same with me, asks me to make the decision.

Please share you reflections below and be ready next week to discuss chapters 15 through 17.

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