Love and Respect: Chapters 22-24

Please only participate if you have read the chapter for context. If you haven’t yet had a chance to read these chapters, you are welcome to return to this post when you have.

Chapter 22 Observations and Quotations

This chapter is a summary of moving in the opposite direction of the Crazy Cycle and instead engaging in the Energizing cycle. His love motivates her respect. Her respect motivates his love. Rather than withholding what your spouse needs most in response to your own needs not being meet this theory is about reaching beyond how you feel and choosing to offer one another love and respect. Through this act of humble submission one to another, we find that our spouse is then naturally motivated to give us what we need.

Do you agree with this theory? Does it work this way in your home?

Chapter 23 Observations and Quotations

On page 266 we are presented with a new aspect to the Love and Respect principle. The Rewarded Cycle. “If you get no results from practicing Love and Respect, why bother? The Rewarded Cycle gives you the answers to these questions.”

One thought that I had as I read this chapter was, “If we are choosing to be respectful out of a motivation for our husbands to be more loving, is that authentic? Should we be surprised if it doesn’t work? For me this book has been most helpful in establishing the value of unconditional respect. So even if you don’t have a book-worthy testimony of how these principles work in your marriage, hold onto what the Lord has taught you. He will harvest good things in your life from it.

The Rewarded Cycle “His love blesses regardless of her respect. Her respect blesses regardless of his love.”

I think the balancing act in all of this is negotiating between unconditional respect and not enabling bad behavior. If we are not aware of it, we could end up erring to one side or the other during conflict.

Chapter 24 Observations and Quotations

Page 284 “No matter how depressing or irritating my spouse might be, my response is my responsibility.” For many of us this is not a new concept, but the opposite sure feels true sometimes. It’s very easy to fall into accusations of, “You made me…” How do we truly let go of the belief that other people are responsible for our reaction?

I liked the grain of sand illustration on page 285. Did it resonate with you as well?

The key in all of this, the hinge point for how our godly response to our spouse impacts our marriage is Jesus. I was glad the author included this. The kingdom of God come into our lives makes all the difference.

Page 290 “The Rewarded Cycle offers still more because the mature husband or wife does not go unnoticed by his or her children.” This is so true. I have seen it over and over again, as I am sure you have too. Our kids watch us so closely and they are learning how to relate with the people in their world as they witness our relationship with them and one another.

So how was this book meaningful to you? What are the key points you are taking with you? Would love to hear how you have been blessed and challenged by reading it.

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