God Bless the TV In Our Bedroom!

I know you are probably sitting there with a confused look on your face, wondering about the title of this article, but bear with me here!  Let me start at the beginning…

Okay, so my dh and I have never had a TV in our bedroom.  Don’t let that fool you though, because we are both movie addicts.  That was part of the attraction when we were teens, was that we were both so into movies.  It wasn’t unusual for us to go see three movies at the theatre every weekend.  Dramas, comedies, action, thrillers, historical fiction, military, horror, and our favorite…Human Interest!  After we married, we would rent several movies each week and get snacks and snuggle under a blanket together to watch them.  We joked to others that we bonded over movies, but in reality it was the truth.  Our shared sense of humor and taste in genres was a perfect match!

Well here we are two kids later and we have never had a tv in our bedroom.  (I mean, we’ve all heard countless speakers talk about how tv’s shouldn’t be in your bedroom anyway, right?)  Our “movie viewing” times are few and far between because although our big screen tv in the den is nice, our kids are middle-school age now and have a later bedtime.  Our ‘alone time’ in the den is almost non-existent.  When you add that to our busy schedules, it puts us into a rut!

Enter the new bedroom TV!  I decided all on my own that I wanted to get the satellite hooked up in the bedroom finally.   When I told my dh about it, he said “Well, if we’re going to get a tv for the bedroom then we might as well get a really good one!”  (He is of the “you should only spend your money once” mindset.)  So off we went and came home with a really nice big tv for our bedroom.  The next day the satellite man came out and hooked us up with our new TIVO receiver.  And since then, things have been great!  No, seriously… we haven’t had this much sex in a long time!

I had no idea what impact getting a tv in our bedroom would have on our sex lives.  It certainly wasn’t planned.  Since we now have a tv in there, we shower and cuddle in bed (ie: alone, away from said kids) while watching our movies or shows.  And that leads to massages and fondling and petting and kissing and… well, you know 😉

I noticed this phenomenon first but said nothing.  About a month after we had the tv my husband noticed it and asked me if I realized how much sex we’d been having lately! 😆

So there you go.  My story of how adding a tv in our bedroom (after 18 yrs of marriage) helped to spice things up for us!  Who knew?!  I think that this just goes to show that there are exceptions to every rule, and the next time we hear a preacher or speaker talk about how televisions have no place in the bedroom… we’ll just keep our thoughts to ourself. 😉

Weekly poll #98: What are your summer plans?

Choose as many as you like…..

Love and Respect: Chapters 15-17

Please only participate if you have read the chapter for context. If you haven’t yet had a chance to read these chapters, you are welcome to return to this post when you have.

Today we wil shift our focus to the needs of our husband. The next set of chapters focuses on what many men need in order to feel respected. Some of it may or may not apply to your husband, but the ideas presented are applicable to a lot of men. The acronym that the author uses is CHAIRS; Conquest, Hierarchy, Authority, Insight, Relationship, and Sexuality.

Chapter 15 Observations and Quotations

The first thing that I took particular notice of was on page 188. Here the Eggerichs suggests that in looking to affirm that you respect your husband, rather than looking at how he performs, look at how he desires to serve you, your family and the other people in his life. That shows his character more than how successful he is at doing all that he wants to do. Since my husband often operates in the Spirit with the gift of helps, he is naturally prone to desiring to serve others. So that is where I put my focus. I know he loves being able to help friends or family when they are in need and so that is where I place my respect.

On page 190 the author presents the reason for using the acronym CHAIRS. He says that for many typical men, they see themselves as the ones who should “chair” the relationship. Setting aside the fact that this is a point of contention for a lot of people I want to ask if you have found that in your marriage, this is true of your husband. Does your husband show a desire to “chair” your relationship?

Chapter 16 Observations and Quotations

Conquest – A lot of men have a strong desire for action and achievement. My man certainly does. In general, men are compelled to be active and moving. Many men find it hard to sit in church for this reason. It can be a very passive experience, and it’s the reason my husband is often standing at the back of the room during church doing something. Something of the kingdom, but more actively engaged in what is happening during the service.

Now, when a man succeeds at something this often results in… very good sex. Very active and passionate sex. It’s a great time for more exciting positions and techniques. It will add to his feeling of success when he comes home to a wife who affirms in bed that he really is a MAN.

On page 195 the author expresses that there is a shift that happens between courting and marriage. He says that before marriage, the wife is affirming of what her husband want to do and who he wants to be, but after marriage her attempts to help can come across negatively. Do you agree with this? If so, what do you think would cause it?

Chapter 17 Observations and Quotations

Hierarchy – What does this word mean to you? To me it means different levels of prominence and importance. For that reason I can not relate to the word Eggerichs uses to describe this need in a man. I can not relate to a number of the terms used in this chapter. I do not think the man is ordained to be more prominent or important in the relationship. Having said that, I do agree that most of the men I see desire to protect and provide for their family which is the essence of what the author is trying to express in this chapter. I agree that the Lord has called my husband to be the head of our family, but do not believe that it means he is on a higher level of significance. What I believe it means is that God has given my husband a unique commission to be a covering of protection for our family. I willingly submit to that because I trust my husband’s discernment and care for us as though it were my own.

On page 208, Eggerichs presents the issue of how our culture has shifted so much and that a lot of couples encounter contention because of these shifts. What seemed simple in the Bible, seems complicated now. “She does not want him to dominate her, and at the same time, she doesn’t want her husband to have to depend on her either.” Can you relate to this?

One page 209 the author shared a story about the wife who told her husband that he needed to get a second job after taking a tour of a new home that she, to call a spade a spade, had become covetous of. I can really identify with being cautious about making sure that I don’t say things which cause my husband to question that appreciate how hard he works for our family in and away from our home. I can only imagine how that comment must have shot her husband through the heart. If I’d said that to my husband, I know he would have been thinking, “Don’t I provide for you well enough?” And it’s really a reflection of her own sin of discontentment. She wasn’t thankful for what God had provided for their family. The reason I can say this is because I can identify with temptation in this area. I have been known to lose my focus and turn my eyes towards wanting things that God has not freed me to.

Sentence Starters

Finish the following sentence in the comment box:

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My favorite kind of date night consists of…

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Same Sex Attraction: My Thoughts

I found the last two articles on this topic very thought provoking. I appreciated reading the comments and hearing different perspectives even though I didn’t agree with all. As I mentioned in the introduction, while I do believe that God intended for sexual fulfilment to be within the context of relationship between a husband and wife, I also can empathize with the struggle people have when they feel attracted to the same sex. I realize that some people are offended by my opinion that homosexual acts are sin, but my heart is truly not an attack towards gay people or the gay community. I feel compassion for those who, like the woman I interviewed last week, are living their lives with SSA a constant, forefront issue. I can see God’s redemption in it, but to fight with all you have for years so you can get to a place of healing and wholeness must be difficult. Many do not even try.

The challenge to the Church is to find the balance that Cori and I spoke of in the previous articles in this series. How do we get to the place where a person within our church body expresses a temptation in this area and they feel supported in their fight against it rather than feel like they need to leave the congregation? I think often times the Church has shown a resistance to allowing things to make it look tarnished. We want to be a spotless Bride for the Lord, but that doesn’t happen by pretending that sin does not touch us. It happens through an act of God as He sanctifies us. We must see our sin in order for the process of sanctification to be effective.

Perhaps we are so used to instant gratification that we feel intimidated by walking with someone through something that could potentially take years in order for them to find healing, but I am encouraged. I have seen a shift, at least in the region where I live, that the church is showing a willingness to walk with people through messy stuff. Pornography. Sexual abuse. Addiction. Big stuff that the church used to despise people for, I see the Church in my city rising up and joining hands with other congregations to offer hope to people who are in brokenness. We are seeing sin and we are pointing people to Jesus, but the moment we give way to thoughts that sin is not sin, we no longer have a sure place to stand.

This is why I believe it is important that we continue to work out our faith on this issue. If the world has been watching us and their impression is that we hate and fear homosexuals, somehow we haven’t done a good job of reflecting the power of the gospel on this issue. Jesus empowered sinners who came to Him to change their ways and walk in righteousness. Will some still be offended that we voice a morality on sexual conduct? Yes, of course! But for those who are looking for hope and healing, they will find it within the Church.

I can not outline how healing should look for everyone. I am far from qualified and too far removed from loved ones who are dealing with this to dictate what it would look like. In my interview last week with Cori, I found some of the ways the Lord has lead them very different from my own experience with Him (and some things very similar, too) so I really can’t say how the process should look and it would be foolish to think that any of us can.

I am just glad that we have this platform to discuss it. As always, feel free to offer your insights. I could say more and maybe I will below, but I’d like to here from you on this aspect of the Church rising up and handling this issue with more grace than we perhaps have in the past. If your comment is more geared towards defending homosexuality, please read the introductory article and all the comments there first. Then, if your comment is a new idea that hasn’t already been shared feel free to post it on that article.

So to be clear, since some comments are being deleted which do not fit with the intent of this article, this article is for those of us who believe that homosexual acts are sin to discuss how we can do a better job of loving gay people. If your comment is a blast towards gay people or a defence of homosexuality, it will be deleted. 

Summer 2011

Just as last year, we are taking a break for the summer, but we do have some things planned for a few days each week for you to enjoy over the summer.

Each Monday, Cinnamonsticks will be finishing off the book study over Love and Respect, and that will conclude on June 20th. Starting on June 27,  Spicynutmeg will be introducing a new series on Mondays called “Introducing….”.  She wrote a poll asking which women of the bible you most relate to, and there seemed to be some unfamiliarity with some of the women in the poll.   So she will be doing a simple “Introducing….” article each Monday to replace the book studies for the summer.  (Book Studies will resume after the Labor Day.)  Each week, she will introduce one of the women from the poll, so that you can learn about her and where to find her in the bible to get more information on her.

The polls will continue throughout the summer, but will move to Wednesday until after Labor Day.

Sentence Starters will remain on Fridays throughout the summer.

We will not be answering emails this summer.  It is our intention to spend the time with our families while our children are out of school.   We will let you know when we will be taking emails again after Labor Day.

There will be things to do and material to read 3 days a week during the summer, and we will start up a new schedule starting after Labor Day when we will be refreshed and renewed and raring to go!  Thank you for understanding and have a wonderful, blessed summer!

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