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Sept.12: The Power of a Praying Woman by Stormie OMartian
Weekly poll #111: Opposite sex friendships
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I do not see the need of a (very) close friend from the opposite sex when I am married
After I got married I became careful about close relationships with other men. Emotionally investing in a man besides my husband, while not wrong, is a boundary I rather not cross. Healthy boundaries help protect marriages. Not everyone has the same boundaries but should make sure that their #1 emotional attachment is to their husband.
Been there, done that, almost had the affair. If not for God’s grace and correction, I would have made the biggest mistake of my life!
Due to an abusive childhood, it is rare that I am even comfortable with Any guy other than my hubby! Also….just my opinion….the closest friendship you should have is with your spouse!
“expounding” LOL
i believe that all men are ‘hardwired’ from God for sex (to be attracted towards females in this regard) … and… (how many times a day (minute) they think about it) seems to point in the direction that, ‘the sex always gets in the way of friendships.’
in the past, admittedly, i was a jealous type. but after much growth and maturity and being married for almost 25 years, this isn’t an issue anymore. but i still think that friendships should remain in the same genders. i think its unfair … for men; to expect men, to, not be, men … and be involved in a more intimate relationship (deeper friendship) with a person who has ‘boobs’ & a ‘peach’ … and expect them to NOT think like a … guy; it is asking them to go against the very nature of how God made them … to be the aggressor (chaser) of us girls!
… another thought.
very rarely is there an affair that doesn’t start out on some level of …. ‘friendship’.
I originally said that I would never have male friendships after I was married, even though that is all I had before I was married. Then my husband told me that when his female friend got married, he told her he was “dumping” her for her husband and that they could still hang out but that it would be the guy that he called and pursued a friendship with. I thought that was a cool and appropriate way of maintaining a friendship and respecting a marriage so I tried to “hook up” a few of my guy friends with my husband. It didn’t work as well because they did not have a lot in common. I ended up keeping one because he was and is VERY respectful of my marriage to the point where my husband says if I have to ever go away on a trip alone with another guy it better be him because he is the only one he trusts enough to let that happen. (It would never happen; that would obviously never be appropriate but the point is my husband trusts us that much.) My husband and I did run into an old friend from highschool and they hit it off so I am back to being friends with him as well. With both friendships, I do all my hanging out with the guys with my husband or occasionally with another girlfriend. We talk on the phone alone maybe once a month or so and I always tell my husband about it, especially because he gets a kick out of the conversations we end up having. The only real girl friend I have is the wife of my husband’s best friend so it is nice to have these other 2. After almost 6 years of marriage, I still have trouble forming female friendships but am continuing to work on it. Right now, I am just grateful for any friendships, male or female.
Once you get married, I think all opposite sex relationship dynamics change pretty rapidly. Most of mine changed even after seriously dating and becoming engaged. My husband and I have a lot of the same friends and I know he’s comfortable with me hanging out with our guy friends because he trusts me completely and he knows he has “his woman.” But my husband is the man I lean on now when things get rough, and I don’t complain or discuss private details of my marriage with them like I may have discussed relationships before with them. I leave asking questions or raising concerns to my husband first, then if I need to, my female friends, rather than my male friends.
As a married woman, I have no business having male friends that are not primarily my husband’s friend. We have couple friends. My girlfriends are his accquaintences at best and and his friends are my accquaintences, but in marriage, there is no situation where it is wise or acceptable for either of us to have emotional bonds with some of the opposite sex.
I have friends that include both males and females. My husband knows a few of them and some we both are Facebook friends with as well. It’s completely platonic and he trusts me :).
I’ve always been very much a “guy’s girl”, and only one of my close friends is female. He knew this when he met me and he’s always been fine with it. In fact, 2 of my 3 bridal attendants were men. He gets along great with all of my friends and he has a lot of trust in me, which I would never betray.
This can be SUCH a slippery slope. It can lead to emotional affairs and more, not saying it will just that it can.
I have talked before here about my H and his “friend” who was his high school gf. She friended him 30+ tears later on fb and with my consent he accepted the friendship. Although she lived on the other side of the country, she proceeded to lure him closer and closer to the line of impropriety by posing as a Christian and committed wife who was just looking to him to share a few memories and some laughs over fb. As I watched this happening I tried to get my H to realize what she was doing but he continued to insist that it was just a frivolous fun diversion and that I was over-reacting. He did lay some ground rules for her as far as appropriateness of the content of their communication and he told her that he was happily married and in love with me, but he did not sever ties completely until she made it very clear that she was “on the prowl” and wanted him.
This whole incident was very painful for me but out of it, through the grace of God, I became a better wife and our marriage is stronger than ever. It is weird but I am strangely grateful to her. Her interference led us to where we are now which is the best place we have ever been in over the course of our 21+ year marriage.
My belief is that your spouse should be who you turn to for all of the “friend” things. He should be the first one you call when you are happy or sad. He should be the one you are sharing a laugh with. He is the one you should want share all of it with. Girl friends are there for the girly things but your H should be your confidant,
i said i choose not to have close friends of the opposite sex, but it’s also true that my only close friends are women. (other than my dh) 🙂
I actually have very few female friends. My DH is fine with my male friends. He has never had a problem with me having lunch/dinner with them (he works nights). I feel the same way about his female friends. Our policy is that we are open and honest (he has access to my txt messages, email, social networking sites, etc…), and I have access to his. It works for us. 🙂
Friendships w/opposite sex as a couple, yes, many. However, friendships with men that are closer to me than my husband, no way. I think it would be disrespectful. Not because I would EVER be tempted to stray, or mess around. Just because it would cause others to “talk” and think less of my husband (cringe) and there is NO relationship worth risking that.
After reading a lot of these comments I think its important to remember that you can have close male friends without them being closer to or more important to you than your husband, just like you have female friends that you are close to, but they in no way compare to or take the place of your husband. He’s always the first one you run to.
I think you and I have similar theories. I do not think that having male friends is inappropriate. I am very careful about what I say when I’m with my guy friends. My husband is absolutely my best friend, but I need someone I can talk sports with! (Leave it to me to marry a man who doesn’t like football.)
I have a few very good friends that are the opposite sex. On man, I started getting very strong feelings for — our chemsitry was there. It scared me a bit as I did not want to “go down that path”. One day, he up front asked me if we could have sex. I simply looked him and stated that I didn’t think that would be appropiate as I am a married woman and I value my marriage. Since then, our friendship has turned to mutual respect and intellectual challenge. The chemistry is not there anymore, and I have been able to introduce true Christain love. My husband is aware of all of this and stands by my side as we share the gospel together. The man stated that the reason he was open to what we had to say is that for the first time, he had been turned down by casual sex in a kind and polite way. That he could see that I meant what I said about my faith. While I don’t think this is a wise path for any of us hormonally charged people, I do pray every day that I can be the witness to him and keep my marriage bed pure. Every time I meet with this man, I do so with my husband.
Before I was married I had a guy that was my best friend. It was me, him, and one other girl. We were thick as thieves, but as each of us got married we drifted apart in the closeness. We are still all friends (the other girl is my BFF), but now that we are married we do not need to continue the closeness that we had before. It could cause a lot of problems. One of the MANY reasons I pulled back was because my husband told me that before we started dating that he thought I liked this other guy. Once he told me that I decided that I didn’t need to keep that close relationship because I didn’t want my husband having any doubt on where my allegiance was.
It’s just too risky for a marriage to have opposite sex close friends. I became too close to my best friends husband, and didn’t even realize it until we had already hurt my husband and my best friend. I first realized it when I found out that he wasn’t telling his wife about how often he was stopping by our house to visit, and my kids would mention his visits to my dh and I would feel guilty. The problem was we just had more in common than we did with our spouses.
I think it happened so easily because I didn’t feel the need to guard my heart. I didn’t even see a chance of anything happening, because for heaven’s sake I was married and so was he, so in my mind nothing was going to happen…. And in the end nothing did happen except that our spouses knew we had gotten too close and had to end the relationship, so there were hurt feelings. My marriage survived but the friendships are only barely there now.