My dh and I both have Android phones. I was amazed when he showed me how many different kinds of games and applications are on this phone! So I started searching for some games at first….
My favorite games that I have downloaded are Angry Birds, Shoot Bubbles, iSpadez, & Jewels. I downloaded Hangman and Mole Mole for my daughter and we also downloaded Air Hockey. Helps keep us busy on those long doctor office waits or when we are on the road.
I started finding more and more….Business apps… Quickoffice, post it notes, calculators and alarms, banking apps, several email accounts, Adobe readers, etc. Social networks like Facebook. WordPress so I can keep up with my favorite blog on my phone 🙂 Goofy things, like Coin Flip to solve arguments between my two kids. WebMD. Kindles. Amazon.com. Flash Lights. Navigation programs and Google maps. Geico Brostache! (HAHA…see above)
So once I got all these fun things, I got to thinking… I wonder if there is a menstrual calendar. I am TERRIBLE about keeping one at home anymore and I hate putting it in my purse calendar (now, why do I need one in my purse when I can download one on my phone??) So I did a search, and WOW, there was a menstrual calendar and calculator! Awesome. I can put in my menstrual dates in, and it gives me estimates of when I should ovulate and when I can expect my next cycle! I can record temperatures in it for NFP if I so chose to do it. I can notate when I ML to my hubby. I can record doctor appointments…medications I am taking…. Record if and when I take an ovulation test or pregnancy test, moods, etc. WOW! All of this for FREE! I am set!
But then it got me thinking more…. What else can I find on here related to sex? So I head back to the Droid market and type in sex. Paid and free apps … sex positions, sex offenders… sex dice…hmmm interesting….sex facts…. Cunnilingus 101…. Oh, a Magic sex ball…. Mobile vibrators (??) … sex stories… sex games….sex position of the day….explicit sex positions kinky foreplay….sexy texts… oh, my, there was SO MUCH.
Now here’s my question, though… my son also has a Droid phone. He got my old one when we upgraded. The more I looked at that list, I got to “Sexy Asian Girls” Ummm. I think this is one place where some discussion is needed.
We are in a world today where we are exposed to more sex in on our TV, in songs on the radio, on the internet…. And now on our iPhones and Droid phones as well. The world in general is a very dangerous place for those who are struggling with porn. Our kids can download this apps on their own phones. People don’t think twice about sexting. As technology gets greater, we get more temptations out there that we need to guard our hearts. While some of these apps that I mentioned above may be harmless and useful, there are still others that we need to guard our hearts on.
If you have a phone where you can download these apps and carry them around on your phone, how do you feel about this? What kind of apps are on your phone? Have you downloaded any sex apps? How do you guard your heart when there is so much temptation out there? Let’s start a discussion on what we should be careful of and what is truly helpful.
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Christian Nymphos 
One thing I would like to mention about apps from the android market (esp “sexy” apps) is malware. There’s lots of malware out there these days for android, many of which are disuised as sex apps. You may think you’re safe if you get it from the android market, but this is not true. Google, unlike apple, doesn’t have a very strict review policy for apps submited to market. There have been many apps pulled by google and forcably ununstalled from peoples phones by google because they were malware. This however comes weeks after an app has been in circulation… The malware ranges from keyloggers to harvest anything typed (passwords, phone #s, credit card #s, etc) to preimum sms apps that send a text to a preimium sms # and charge you a fee (one I saw charged you 6 bucks and was writen to send the text every 5 min). Long winded I know, but most people just aren’t aware of the dangers of these ne fangled technologies, not only to our hearts and minds but to our personal privacy and walets too.
I am so glad you asked because I was just searching how to block certain sites from being received on a mobile phone. Not only are there apps, but there is access to the web. Any website can be uploaded to many smart phones. Which brings me to my predicament.
Last night my DH came in from a quick work out and was grabbing at my chest, very interested in what his prospects were for the evening since I had started my cycle earlier that week. I told him we were not free and clear but that I was ready to make his night exciting and pleasure him. DH runs upstairs to shower as I make dinner. I go upstairs to tell him something and find his phone in his hand. He drops it and jumps in the shower and I see his “maleness swelling”. I didn’t get it at first. He starts talking about nonsense stuff and slowly I realize what he had been doing. I leave but take a look at his phone. It is a website that is supposed to be “just funny” pictures. But in comedies name it was photos of “girls with future back problems”. Of course all beautiful young girls showing off their chests with out technically being porn. They are in the shower posed a certain way or in a see thru shirt or itty bitty bikinis. It made me sick. I did not know what to do or how to bring it up with DH.
He came behind me as I was washing dishes and said, “I’m sorry. I’m really embarrassed.” To which I said “Well, I am really hurt.” He didn’t understand why I would be hurt.
My question is is this nothing to worry about? I did tell him how it hurt me that he was looking at other girls. I didn’t understand why he would do that when I had told him I would take care of him. (He said he thought I would not follow through and I had gotten him all excited.) He told me I was making a big deal out of nothing. All guys do it and he figured I did too. After an hour of talking about it, he tells me that he has been “practicing” so he could go longer with me. He has been embarrassed that he can’t last very long and he though he had been getting better.
I told him bottom line is that I don’t like it. I want to be the one to please him and I especially don’t want him looking at some random pictures. I would like him to remove the app on his phone. I don’t think he needs practice he does just fine. He told me he can’t promise that he won’t “practice” again. Is this normal like he says or is this a red flag like I think it is?
I am so glad that you have addressed this topic. This is something that has been a concern of mine for some time.
I personally don’t have any of these type apps on my phone, but I did know they existed. My husband has struggled with pornography for many years, and the idea that with the touch of the screen he could stumble broke my heart.
I was thrilled when we found X3 Watch for his old iPhone (they also make an Android app). We have used X3 Watch accountabiltiy software on our computers for years. While the app isn’t perfect, it goes a long way in keeping him accountable and giving me peace of mind…. Now if they would only make an app for our new BlackBerry’s.
My granddaughter, a high-school student, had to let her phone go when she couldn’t pay the bill–more than $200 for downloading porn. She and her mother went over the bill, item by item. All the calls were made when she was in class, and this was easily verified.
The phone was in dd’s school locker, and she admitted she’d given her combination to a girl friend, who she soon learned had given it to a boy. No one has ever admitted making the calls.
Mystery Lover
DH has a Kama sutra app on his phone that we like to use when we’re looking to spice things up. It’s a great app. You need a pin number to access it (don’t have to worry about the kiddie stumbling into it). You can star positions you’re interested in. Plus it uses shaded cartoon drawings to illustrate the positions. All in all a great app for us.
We’ve also found an app that let’s you store pics on your phone that can only be accessed with a password. DH was traveling a lot for work, so it was nice to be able to provide some “help” for those long weeks away.
I know there are many dangers out there, though they haven’t been an issue for us. I find that the apple app store has been a good thing for us. As far as when the kids get older, I believe that we will hold the purchase password… All purchases will have to go through us…
Dear Happy Wife Gone Sad, I am so sorry. From a wife who was cheated on for 5 years and it was kept totally secret for another 5 years. IMO, This is a problem! Both of you seek God immediatly. I promise I will pray for ya’ll.
Oh, happy wife, my heart just broke for you. Having a husband who battles an addiction to pornography, I know the hurt this type of situation can bring. The truth is, not all guys do it. Unfortunately, the garbage is everywhere. It takes a very strong faith and lots of accountability to battle such a strong enemy. The first step is recognizing a problem. I sincerely pray that your husband will see what a dangerous line he’s walking, and that your heart will be protected.
When a man commits adultery in his head, he is committing adultery. My hubby struggled for years with porn, as have my father and brothers. I would be alarmed. When dh came home from a week in the patch and admitted to looking at porn, my heart was broken. A *very* good book to read to understand your man is “For Women only” by Shaunti Feldhahn, and a good companion book is “for Men Only” by the same author. They are short books, easy reads, but they really lay out how we think in simple terms for us to understand. Guys don’t get that women don’t think about that scene in the movie last night where where Tom “Cruise took his shirt off a hundred times the next day. That is how their brains are wired. Another thing is, men don’t see that betrayal the same way. They say it as a mistake, they screwed up. Women see it as compromising the entire relationship, it affects everything. I’m not trying to make their guilt any less, only trying to point out why he may not have understood your hurt. I would definitely challenge him to get counsel from a godly man, and if he refuses, it is absolutely something to take to your church elders and tell them your husband is struggling with porn, even soft porn. That is what my Mom finally had to do. It’s hard, but men need to man up and face their responsibility to be faithful.
my hub and i dont have androids or whatever, but we can get on the internet on our phones. my hub has a constant worry bout his personal temptations to use the internet negatively, so we have rules like phone internet is only for facebook and christiannymphos ( :p ) .
it’s been a …”unique” struggle learning to grow and trust in this new area, this “internet and porn are everywhere at the click of a button” stuff. but God is with us. and my man is growing in God and overcoming his falls. and i love him more because of it.
Accountability is a good thing. We probably should discuss a bit more on this. Not that we do not trust our partners, but to build a better relation and avoid anything sour. Has anyone ever tried to secretly monitor their partners online activity. If so, can you please suggest. I know suspicion is a bad thing, but any questioning can make things worse. Especially when you are not so sure of your partners activity.
Ouch. Reading about the porn addicts breaks my heart. That’s painful.
If you’re going to use such an app, safely, as a married couple, legitimately of course, you should make the rule that it is NOT A SHARABLE PHONE. My husband and I took pictures of each other on our cell phones, and they do NOT go into anyone else’s hands. Period. End of story. Even if they beg.
take pictures of yourself in your / his favorite lingerie and email them to him. (don’t use work emails) All you need is a digital camera with a timer and an imagination.
Yes, I put a keylogger on his personal computer.This is the one I used and its easy to use and has a free trial version. What I also liked about it was when dh’s computer died and he got a new one i didn’t have to buy the program again. I just emailed them explaining the situation and was able to install it on his new computer.
BTW…I did eventually tell him I put it on. And I would put it on again if I thought he was viewing it again.
Thanks Jojo. It is good to eventually let him know. Would you mind telling which keylogger you used? I have heard that there are a lot of them with bugs and viruses!!!! Scary
I found one that lets me keep track of our experiences. Dates, locations, specifics. Its pretty clean. The positions are stick figures. There was one option listed as “group” but I deleted that. It only allows you to list one interaction per day though.
I won’t go too much into what I think of mobile phones that offer access to the net as it was just one of some of the tools used that almost destroyed DH’s and my marriage with his porn addiction (praise God after almost the whole 9 years of our marriage we are starting to move forward.)
Now my precious beloved has a phone that has no access/bluetooth capability. he can’t recieve pictures, just a basic standard phone. I on the other hand have my iphone 3 mainly for business purposes, but when DH uses it we have an agreement that i’m right there with him. He’s not offended by this, I know he would like me to trust him again but to the most extent deep down he knows it’s too much of a temptation.
On a good note though, I don’t use mine much although I like the idea of the period tracker, DH loves playing angry birds/fruit ninja.
We purchased a mobile phone for our precious daughter for her 18th birthday April just gone, WORST mistake we EVER made, Satan had a field day with her, thankfully she had enough sense to book herself into a christian rehab to get the spiritual/emotional help she needs.
Happy wife, i’m not quite brave enough to reply much to your post, the devastation and loneliness I have experienced in my marriage through our porn issues is still extreamly raw, but if you read this, please just know, I DO understand, I really do, and you have my prayers from deep down into my heart as does any woman that is faced with such situations. Remember above all that you are a daughter of the king and nothing is beyond His ability to heal and restore.
My husband and I have been married 2 years, we both 27 now.He confessed to a porn addiction just before we tied the knot. It has been such a painful, destroying time of my life. My self worth was/is zero, you cant but feel that it is about you. I dont mean to sound vain, but I know I am an beautiful women with a good figure. Iv read all the books on it possible and iv come to understand it better, but it still doesnt make it right. I became an absolutely crazy,controlling,obsessive women. I left the video camera out, I checked everything, I put blocks on the tv, but eventually got to a point where I realised that my life was being controlled and destroyed by his addiction. I still keep precautions in place, as I feel that it is something that never goes away, but I dont let it control my life. I can only trust that my Jesus, my Saviour is in control and will bring to light anything that is in the darkness. It has destroyed his image of what sex should me, i think we have made love once in 2 years, other times I just feel like an object. And sex just doesnt happen, we are lucky if it happens once a week. I have a high sex drive,I dress up, make videos, send pictures,but yet always get rejected when I initiate. So now I dont initiate, too avoid the rejection.He blames it on the porn and the way I reacted everytime i found something and how he now feels like sex is dirty.Surely someone who has a porn problem has a high sex drive. I think there is victory with the porn ,if there isnt, I dont actually care anymore,im over it! But now to get victory in our sex life………………
I’m not an expert or counselor, but it sounds like he needs accountability with another Christian man. Just because men struggle, doesn’t mean they all do this. That is a cop out. My husband is very careful *not* to look at anything like this, and will look away if something risque comes on tv. When I thanked him for doing so, he responded “because I love you.”
Secondly-
You really need to get Dr. Kevin Leman’s book “Sheet Music” and read it together. It totally revolutionized how I viewed sex with my husband, as well as helping him learn about how I ticked. Dr. Leman also dealt with this topic.