Weekly poll #113: Exes and social media


  1. I really think so much depends on your history, on the circumstances. I choose to leave the past in the past. 🙂

  2. I don’t want any doors to open that shouldn’t.

  3. I did not have a boyfriend before my husband so this is not an issue for me. However, when my husband’s former girlfriend wanted to be his friend online, I said no.

  4. I do think it depends. I am pushing 50 and though we were romantically involved way back in college I do have one ex as a fb friend. He and his family are on our Christmas card list and they attended our wedding. His girl friend, now his wife of 20 years, caught my bouquet. We only communicate a couple of times a year and it has always been very much on the up and up.

    I have shared a couple of times what happened when my husband’s high school girl friend went trolling for a new man and set her sites on mine. She blocked me so I couldn’t see what she left on his wall and she PMed him frequently with “remember whens,” complaints about her husband and such. Meanwhile calling herself a devoted mother and Christian. When it all came to light her cards were on the table he unfriended her.

    So I would say proceed with caution and be open with your spouse. If it feels wrong and secretive it needs to stop. Manipulative people can be whomever they think you want them to be on-line and can draw trusting…and somewhat oblivious people like my H into something destructive to their marriage.

  5. Well, this may sound weird but I don’t have any exes and neither does DH. We were both the first anything for the other. However, there was a guy that I used to be really good friend with (long before I met DH) that I found back in the myspace days. He was a guy that we were both pretty sure we would end up together someday but never dated. For few weeks it was fine but then he very purposely was asking things to see if I was happily married. I quickly out up a picture of me and DH kissing rather passionately at the wedding and let him look at that for a few days. Then I unfriended him.

  6. my ex is not on a social network, but his wife is. She friended me and messages me often just being friendly. Is this normal? While we’re on the subject, I still struggle with thoughts/dreams of my ex. Anybody else struggle with this? Any advice? Thanks!

  7. Yes, I do have an ex on my Facebook, although my situation is a bit unorthodox. Years ago I was engaged, and it didn’t work out, so we moved in to a 2 bedroom 2 bath apartment and lived as roommates because as college students neither one of us could afford to live alone, and neither of us wanted to. Well, while we were living as roommates I met my husband. At first he was wary of my ex but when they met they hit it off famously. I continued to live with him for the 3 years that DH and I dated. To this day he is still not only my best friend but one of my husband’s. Our kids will call him uncle, and he is truly considered family. In fact, my parents and siblings still adore him, and he still stays with them over holidays. My mom considers him her son, my brother sees him as a sibling, and they always have and always will. He’s far closer to my family than his own. Just because we weren’t supposed to be married doesn’t mean we weren’t supposed to be in each other’s lives.

  8. I wouldn’t ever be tempted to start something up with my ex ever again. It was a huge mistake to date to begin with. But I have been tempted to “stalk” him on FB to see what’s going on in his life. bad idea! I unfriended him and decided to keep the past in the past.

  9. I think it’s normal to go through phases of thinking/dreaming of exes. I don’t know if it’s our subconscious trying to figure out what went wrong in that relationship, or if it’s because we’re missing something with our spouse…I really am not sure. But, I’ve been married over twenty years, and it happens.

    I pray, pray, pray like crazy when this happens, because I don’t want anything coming between me and my husband. Also, it’s important not to act on these thoughts/dream you’re struggling with because it only makes it harder to move on. I mean, even talking to your best girlfriends about old flames can be harmful, imo. Keep it between you and God. Just because we love our husbands doesn’t mean we don’t struggle sometimes, but don’t give it room in your life. I try to think how I want my husband to handle thoughts of his old flames, and that often helps me to get stray thoughts under control.

  10. i have no exes, but my husband’s ex is friends with both of us. it’s not a problem for me – i see all of their communications and i trust my hubby more than anyone else that i’ve ever met!

  11. I think it’s ok for ex-boyfriends, but not for ex-lovers and ex-spouses. To me, the second two are more intimate than a boyfriend and I think it’s inappropriate to be “facebook friends” and ignore all that history. It’s not about a trust issue for me, I just think it’s inappropriate.

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