Weekly poll #114: At what age did you start masturbating to orgasm?

19 Comments

  1. I marked “under 10,” but I have some elaboration: I have masturbated for as long as I can remember, although I didn’t realize what I was doing for a looooong time. Ever since I was a small child, I remember pushing on my pubic mound because it felt good, and then sometimes it would feel really good and throbby for a few moments. I remember my mom and grandmother one time discussing this habit and telling me not to do it, though I had no idea why. I still don’t remember what they said, but I think I was preschool-aged at the time, maybe as old as 6 or 7 at the latest.

    I first made some sort of connection between what I was doing and sexuality at age 9, when I remember masturbating in this way while looking at illustrated children’s books about reproductive anatomy. But I still had no conscious understanding that what I was doing was sexual. In my mind, this was just something I did that felt good, and I was especially enjoying how it felt while looking at this diagram of the internal workings of the penis!

    My ignorance about the fact that this was called “masturbation” or that I was brining myself to orgasm continued, even though high school, surprisingly enough. I was so undereducated on women’s anatomy and physiology—and sex in general—that I don’t think I knew women had orgasms. And I had no idea my genitalia were normal-looking or that I had a clitoris. Of course, since I was twelve or thirteen, I had had a rich fantasy life, imagining what my sexual relationship with my future husband would one day be like… but I knew nothing about sex or my own body with which to fill in the details.

    Sometime during my first year of college, I figured all of this out. (Now it is incomprehensible to me that I didn’t know this earlier—I’m really not certain how I missed all this, but I suppose it’s because I self-educated myself about sex from books and the Internet. And it was only when I got to college that Wikipedia began to get popular and I was able to start using it as a resource on these sorts of things.) I learned what a clitoris was, that lots of women liked to touch theirs, and that women could have orgasms from doing so. Naturally, it sounded like a good idea to try it out myself! I stopped the pubic-mound-pressure thing and started touching myself directly the summer between my first and sophomore years. So I didn’t start knowingly masturbating until I was 19! But as I became more familiar with my body, I realized I had actually been masturbating for years, just unaware of what I was doing, even (somehow) when I paired it with sexual thoughts.

    Sadly (imo), this gift which I readily embraced as a child ended up tainted by guilt after that summer. After about a year of feeling a great deal of freedom with my new discovery, I started realizing that the vast majority of Christians condemned what I was doing. I became really on/off in how I approached things, and even stopped altogether for about nine months (for probably the first time in my life!)… but as I became more theologically educated and educated about women’s bodies, I became more and more comfortable with masturbation, seeing it as an important way for me relieve sexual tension, remain both abstinent and hopeful for the future, and to get to know myself before having married sex. And when I was 22, I finally felt confident enough in my convictions to buy a vibrator!

    Now married for a couple of years, I am really glad I was able to shake off the guilt and embrace my sexuality through masturbation while I was single, as I think it has significantly benefitted my married sex life. I came into things expecting sexual equality, was able to come the first time we had sex, and was able to make orgasm during sex an every-time experience within a few weeks. Additionally, I think that my husband’s and my relaxed attitude toward masturbation has made it possible to positively integrate masturbation into our sex life now. If the other person is sick or too tired or out of town, we can take care of ourselves without guilt. I often get grouchy when I’m horny, so this is really helpful for us! 😉

    I know a lot of people who don’t approve of masturbation altogether, but there are some who seem to think it’s ok for wives to do to get to know their bodies after marriage but not before then. I heartily disagree and think masturbation can be healthy and positive for Christian women, whether they are married or not, and that having solo sexual experience before marriage can only help you after. In talking about sex with my friends now, I always try to make certain they know where I stand on such issues, as many of them are single and I know carry a guilty similar to what I did. I also really hope we can help our kids to avoid the sense of guilt and shame that we so needlessly carried.

  2. Hi y’all,

    Great site! Two things related to your latest poll. I was wondering if you could also poll women with regards to how often they masturbate and their favorite way (method) to masturbate.

    Also, I recently bought my first vibe (I’ve been married for 20 years). After much research, I finally chose the Lelo Mia (it got great reviews). I love my new toy and want to purchase others. I know you’ve talked about women starting a “treasure chest” and that’s what I want to do. But I need your help. What are your favorite toys, the ones you think every woman “must have”. What are the ones you’ve tried and were disappointed in? I want to purchase ones that are tried, tested, and true (so I don’t waste money). Can you help me in this regard?

    Thanks!

    Chloe

  3. I was 23 or 24. I seriously did not know that women did that even though my mother talked to me about, sex she never talked about masturbation except to say it was something private that boys and men did.

    The first time I heard about women doing it was when I was 19 and my college roommate said she had learned how in the book, For Yourself. I was astounded when another girl in the car said that her mom had bought it for her too. And there I was, flabbergasted that I had never even HEARD of such a thing. I had always thought my mom and I had a really open relationship…sheesh 😉

  4. I got married at 22 and it was sometime in the year after that. I would want DH but he wouldn’t be home due to work.

  5. I didn’t start masturbating on my own until this summer when I got my first clitoral vibrator.

  6. Have you looked at or read the book at all? Is it one you would recommend to others?

  7. No I never have looked at it myself I was always VERY orgasmic and never felt I needed to consult it, plus at the age when I first hear of it I would have died a thousand deaths before buying a book like that. No Amazon in the 80s 🙂

    I am over that sort of thing now but I have heard it recommended since then though it may be very dated now and it is NOT a Christian publication if that is a concern for you.

  8. i said never. i was one of those girls who where waaay under educated about their bodies. i didnt know about the clitoris or that women could masturbate–always thought it was something boys/men did, and even then there werent positive/constructive connontations associated to that in my mind.

    now that i’m married i dont see the point 😛 even though i know i could, i just rather orgasm because of my husband instead of myself or a vibrator. 🙂

  9. I started when I was very young, around five. I didn’t really know what I was doing until I was in my teens. Even then I didn’t know anything about the female body or what I had “down there” didn’t know the clitoris even existed until I was 19. Sad. I didnt know anything really about sex until I got married. I had a lot of guilt and shame over it. Until reading your site. Now days I hardly ever masturbate because I have a husband and he does a way better job then I ever could!!

  10. But how is it justified to be taking care of yourself sexually, when the sexual UNION of a man and woman was designed to do that? Isn’t masturbating circumventing that God-intended way for our sexual fulfillment? And isn’t it quite a slippery slope to lust?

    I’m not condemning, I just would like to know, and to be careful to do God’s will especially in this sensitive area of one of the greatest physical gifts He has given us.

    Thanks!

  11. Also, I have heard from women who had practiced masturbation that they have a really hard time being satisfied from their husbands and enjoying this area of married life.

  12. i think it’s justified when both spouses are communicating and in agreement about it.

  13. I was around five when I started touching myself and realized it felt really good, I would over my panties, never flesh contact.
    Early teens I heard it was wrong and didn’t start up until late teens, when I discovered by accident the removable shower head. I would get off in the shower, felt so much better with water jets because it was a powerful orgasm. Basically masturbation is done now right a week before I start my period because I am too horny for my husband to make love daily, He has blue collar job which is tiring and long hours.

  14. I could imagine that. But what about before marriage?

  15. The stats from the polls do tell us a very different story that a majority of ‘nymphos’ are in to masturbation. You see that we are all pleased. Masturbation should not end up in neglecting your husbands sexual needs. It helps us to know what we want and actually makes it easier to let our spouses know what can exactly make us cum. Ofcourse it can be a solo job when you can’t get hold of your man and it thus helps to keep things under control. Now to look at someone with lust is adultery and once married it is a sacred bond. We desire things in our hearts after we get married and our husbands are a part of our desires ( to do this or that to him or to ask him to be a part of our fantasies). Now whether we touch ourselves or not, we are aroused. So is it all down to touching ourselves that makes it a wrong? I do not think so. There are times when we imagine having sex with our husbands, that does not diminish our love for them or our desire to have sex or our gratification.

  16. I remember masterbating from the age of 7 or 8, although I didn’t really know what it was called until 9th grdae! I look back now frustrated that my mom never talked to me about these sorts of things. It was great to feel aware of my sexuality before I was married. I think it’s important to know what stimulates you most so that your husband can please you in the same way (and hopefully even elevate those feelings).

    As far as masterbation in marriage, I don’t always agree. I think it truely depends on your relationship. My husband has been addicted to pornagraphy and masterbation for as long as he can remember. Masterbation went hand in hand with pornaogrphy for so long and when he brought this addiction into our marriage, it created a lot of problems. He has a lower sex drive as it is, so masterbating was especially damaging to our marriage as there was little energy left for me.

    My hubby has been working through this addiction for over a year now and in order to say no to porn, it was best to say no to the masterbating as well. While I do struggle with masterbating on occasion (again, because of my husband’s low sex drive) I don’t think it’s fair for me to indulge while he is trying to abstain from the same thing…for those couples who are masterbasting, I just hope that everything is great in bed! Because I know that is not the case for us 😦

  17. I don’t even really know how now, I don’t know how my husband would feel about it, and not sure I really want to. I do wish I could orgasm though, whatever method that works. We have been married just short of a year, it gets better all the time, but can’t quite get there which is too bad!

  18. Iamhis#2, if you’re not sure how your husband feels about it, I would definitely ask him, just in case he does feel uncomfortable with it. My husband and I were having sex while we were dating and I never had a mind-blowing orgasm which is what you are probably looking for right now. This went on for about 2 years or so. Shortly after we were married, things started to get a little better. I’m not sure what your husband’s personality is like in bed, but from what I hear, most men will do just about anything to please their wives! Trust me, he WANTS to know what to do for you 🙂 Perhaps you’re a little shy at this point as it’s still been less than a year and you may not feel totally comfortable expressing your needs…? This may not be true, just guessing…

    I have yet to have an orgasm during intercourse, but my husband still makes sure I climax every time we are together. Have you tried oral sex? Oral sex is a great way to reach orgasm and I believe it is successful for almost all women. What usually helps me is a combination or oral and fingering. He uses one or two fingers inside me while using his mouth on the outside (around the clitoris, etc.). I really suggest you try this. Don’t be afraid to give him direction when he’s down there too!

    If you are not willing to masterbate (which is ok, I prefer not to as well. I’d rather always have the real thing 😉 ), I think you should at least take some time to examine yourself down there. See what areas (inside and out) feel good, so that you can tell your husband.

    Don’t give up! Orgasms are wonderful and I promise, they will get better and better with practice! continue reading these blogs and see what new things you can try. My best advice to you is be open minded! Also, express your wants and needs to your husband. Maybe you guys could spend a whole night just exploring YOU 🙂 Have fun!

  19. I began when I was 15 – by accident, sliding down a pole. I was so wonderful I kept it up until I married. My husband and I talk about everything sexual and he knows everythin gI do and vise versa. There are times when we have no time to be together so we use mb to help with stress, relaxzation, even as a excercise, and we always tell the other about everythign we do. It really helps our time together. The less we do sexual things the less we both desire it. The more we do, the more we desire it. We are to young to have a dried up sex life so we keep it stoked.


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