*If you and your husband do not participate in masturbation, then this article may not be for you. I’m writing this for those of you out there who do engage in masturbation in your marriage.
I’ve been pretty busy lately and I’ve noticed something. I’ve been doing lots of little quickies with myself. In my marriage, we engage in mutual masturbation, and my husband also knows that I help myself sometimes, especially when my drive is in overload and his isn’t. When I masturbate it doesn’t take anything away from him. Most of the time it just gets me keyed up for later (with him) so it’s all good.
I used to spend more time at it though. I’d shower or take a bath and lie down on my bed and think about fantasies involving my husband and slowly work myself into it. I can’t remember the last time I did that though! Recently it’s been more like 30 seconds of rubbing, BAM, and then I’m finished and ready to go do something else.
I think I’m in that lucky percentage of women who can orgasm easily, and maybe that’s why I tend to have “drive-by” sessions anymore. I just do it to take the edge off for that particular moment, so that I can go on about my day and get my ‘to do’ list done. Some days I don’t do it at all while other days it happens multiple times.
So… I’m wondering how many of you can relate to this? I’m interested in knowing whether you ladies tend to spend more time at this, or do you have quickies like me? Leave any responses in the comment box below!
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Christian Nymphos 
I never really masturbated until my early 40s. Then my DH bought a vibrator and vibrating dildo to add to our bedroom fun. One day I was so wound up by afternoon nap time that I locked the bedroom door, stripped and got our dildo working. I orgasmed in about two minutes. Wow! The rest if the day went great and I was even more excited that night.
That night we were in bed and I told my DH who was so excited that we made love. Afterwards he told me that I should continue whenever I needed it or I could call him home for lunch and he would “service” me orally. That was 2 years ago and I now use my vibrator at least twice a week and call him home for a lunch “servicing” at least once or twice a week.
While I enjoy my vibrators, I really like ordering him home to service me. When he comes in he knows I’ll be in the bedroom waiting for him to pkesdure me orally. He immediately gets into position and I usually orgasm in 2 or 3 minutes and the “edge” is off the rest of the day.
I feel liberated because of my honesty to him about my needs and he is ecstatic when I order him to service me. It’s a terrific win/win for both of us.
my drive is much higher than his all the time, so I often use the personal quickie to keep the edge off my interactions with him.
I’m just using a vibrator for now to keep me happy until he comes home from deployment ;).
All the time! I have more drive than DH and this helps us feel satisfied/not irritable about our differences.
I tend to have quickies….especially when I work from home! And then my husband and I do it together too! He thinks that is HOT!!
It wasn’t until I was 26 that I started to masturbate. During my engagement I worked 12 hour shifts through the night and things were usually very slow. Since I was a virgin the other nurses kept giving me advice on sex. Several times a week I would slip into the washroom to masturbate just so I could relieve the tension and concentrate on work. Ten years and four children later quickies are still my favorite when DH isn’t available during the day. I go in to the bedrom, lock the door, emerging five minutes later totally relaxed.
Sometimes I wonder if I even have a drive. When we first moved a couple of months ago, I was always thinking about sex and my dh. The last few weeks, I have to work at it. I don’t masterbate. The last three times I had a sharp pain at the start of orgasm and my dh suggested I masturbate to see if there was pain with that. It felt really weird doing it, but I understood I needed to in order to understand what was going on (thankfully there was no pain and there hasn’t been since. Don’t know what was the cause). But to masterbate, no, I don’t do it. Like I said, sometimes I wonder if I even have a drive. I don’t seem to have any consistent pattern. Just seem to go with the flow and at the moment.
I love to masturbate. I love the feeling and the orgasms. I always think of me and my DH having some fun. He is not as free spirited (no dildos, vibrators, very little oral, just a little foreplay and the main event) as I am so this allows me to engage my fantasy life. I often spend time dressing up (lingerie, stockings, heels,etc.) before I begin to really get myself in the mood. Our foreplay has been getting better as we both started to enjoy him in silky panties. He loves mutual now while he is wearing these. I don’t mind at all, makes our play time last longer and he really enjoys it. I hope it opens up more things in the future!
Yeah, have to have a few quickies here and there. It’s been years since I’ve done any real fantasizing or took my time with it. Now that I have my husband as an outlet – I use my real energy with him, but use the quickies to tide myself over until he’s available. 🙂
Great post Cumingirl. I can totally relate to this post! My drive has gone through the roof the last couple months so I need to have many quickies throughout the day while I wait for my hubby to get home. For those of you who voted that you have the higher sex drive (on the latest poll) how often do you want to have sex or masturbate? Do any of you feel the need to play with yourselves several times a day? I’ve been jumping my hubby every night when he comes home but I still need to give myself some relief throughout the day as well.
One more thing: what is your favorite way to masturbate? My wants and needs vary. Sometimes I will just rub my clit for quick release and sometimes I will need to finger myself rapidly and cum that way. I recently purchased my first vibe which I’ve been using a lot too and really like it. I like to keep things varied so that I don’t have to rely only on one particular method to orgasm (or become hooked on only one way).
Kate, thanks for your post. I often call my husband at work too to tell him that I’m horny and need him to come home and service me too. Nothing gets a husband home faster than telling him you’re naked and horny LOL.
I am 31 with 2 kids.Though I enjoy it immensely and quickly reach orgasm , I feel extremely guilty when I do it.Hubby knows O have done it.He doesn’t satisfy me when we are together – I am disappointed EVERY time.I don’t orgasm with him.I am starting to accept a life of sex out of obligation .sad.
You know, I have struggled with this some throughout my marriage. What helped us is having a few old standby vibrators at the ready. We work together to get me an orgasm first. Over time he starts to figure out the right buttons to push and by focusing on the time spent together, you would be surprised at how your mindset changes over time. Another trick that I use is that much to my husbands frustrations sometimes instead of getting me going sex will just relax me. I use those to just relish the relaxation and the fact that I am giving my husband something nobody else can. Think of it less as a duty and more as a way to cherish your husband. Take the focus off getting an orgasm and you will be surprised what it does for the sex.
Is your husband willing to work with you to help you have an orgasm when the two of you are together? There are lots of good resources for helping a couple work on the wife’s orgasm. The book Sheet Music by Dr. Kevin Leman is very good, and has advice for both husbands and wives. There are also articles on this site about working on your intimacy together. Pray and don’t give up hope. I will pray for you.
I feel the same way. I have no drive or desire to be intimate with my hubby. Unfortunately Im not satisfied by him? Haven’t been in a while. I have RARELY ever masturbated. This is fairly new to me. I’ve only orgasmed about 2-3 times in my life and I feel like I’m broken. I really don’t know what to do about my extremely LOW libido. My hubby always wants it, and he has issues with porn stuff which is frustrating and I guess my low sex drive is not helping the situation. Will y’all please give me some helpful hints to help?
Did you use the Seach Engine in this site by typing “low drive”: you have some answers there on the low drive posts. I understand you can be a “desparate housewife”, not so much from your low drive (eventhough it is frustrating) but by the attitude of your husband towards your libido. How much you two are in love with each other on the emotional side? If the flame of love is pretty low, it would be difficult to work towards a better sex life and improve things on your side. One thing is for sure: your husband will not have the answer for a better sexual marriage in going on pornographic sites as it destroys the confidence he should have in you by looking at you as only as a sex object. So, one of the first action for your husband towards a better happy married life is to stop going on pornographic sites and be able to communicate between both of you, your expectations and your desires
Depends on my mood and my day. Sometimes I feel so turned on it’s a quickie. Sometimes I get undressed and lay on my bed and take my time. But it’s never as good as when my husband does it for me or gives oral – which fortunately we both love doing.
I masturbated not too long ago when I heard him coming down the hall and when he saw me do it, it drove him crazy. It was really the first time I had done that with the intent of him seeing it. He said he liked it, so now I try to touch myself more when we’re starting sex. He asked me how it felt and I said, “Not as good as when you do it,” and he said he was glad to hear that!
When I masturbate during the day, sex with him at night is definitely more intense!
I have rarely ever masturbated but my husband uses it when I’m not available for whatever reason, But he says that it isn’t fulfilling like sex with me. He’s a very gentle non-aggressive male. He’s great at giving oral sex, that’s my favorite. One of my Christian girlfriends is a widow so she has self love often, which I wholeheartedly support.
He is willing just not able.We’ve tried everything – books, sex toys,prayer , even a sexologist.Nothing has worked.It is hard for me to get turned on by him.The few times where I started to get heated up, he takes over and focuses on his own pleasure and then he comes before I am anywhere close. I think my desire is ik because I yearn for sex but when he comes into the picture I cool off.Maybe it is because I now associate him with disappointments.I have done my share of having sex only for his sake,I find it harder and harder to do now.I feel that my sexual potential is being wasted – I could be enjoying so much more – but don’t know what else to do.Masturbation might help the situation but I feel so guilty and unholy when I have done it.So, I refrain
My husband works abroad too, but I was advised not to use vibrator as it can be addictive. Is this true. I have been holding back getting one.
Your word broken made me have to reply. I have used it a few times myself and truly understand your pain. I have had the exact same experience, felt like I could easily get turned on in my head but not in my body. It was worse with the pressure of my own self-consciousness in front of my husband. I finally got fed up enough to find a doctor and happened to find a vulva specialist in my area. She tested my hormone levels and found that I had the lowest free testosterone score she’s ever seen. She told me this was a different test from the one that most Dr’s use to test for testosterone levels. I was also low in Estrogen. I have been on a topically applied gel for 9 mos and it has gotten progressively MUCH better! I was tested a couple of months back and was still low! She explained to me that if I’d ever been on birth control, that the chemical in it binds with free testosterone and can change your chemistry even after you go off of it. I can now orgasm, easily by clitoral stimulation and I had what I think was my first orgasm stimulated from intercourse recently. I tell you that because I really thought for a long time I was really and truly broken and it would never work – at all. Don’t give up. It’s worth figuring out the problem. I think trust was another big factor for me, the more I trust my husband and see him with the respect God wants me to have for him, the easier it is. The more comfortable I am with my sexual desires and needs, the easier it is. And as I am more convinced that things are getting better instead of repeated disappointments, the easier it is. Good luck!
I’m not entirely sure how you define “addictive”. I use it at least 2 nights a week, to be honest. Even though I do climax, it’s not the same as having hubby in me. I’ve told him that a few times.
I used to masturbate when I was single, but always felt guilty afterward. Everything I had read in Christian literature suggested it was sinful. Then when I got married, I didn’t think about masturbating anymore because I was having sex with my husband. But sex has always caused me discomfort, and my drive plummeted. I mean, I pleased my husband, but I was always relieved when he was too busy, tired, or working late. Sometimes weeks went by, and I wasn’t missing it one bit. But thankfully, God has been working in my heart, mind, and body. He is blessing me with a sexual awakening, and it is awesome! One thing I have learned, is that while masturbating to orgasm still doesn’t feel right to me (it takes the edge off and makes me less eager for my husband), it’s important to prepare my body for my husband during the day, so that when he comes home at night, I’m ready for him. For me, that means finding some private moments away from the kids to fondle my breasts and nipples and think sexy thoughts about what I want to do with my husband later that night. Practicing a striptease is pretty fun too! Thank you, Spicy ladies, for all of the wonderful ideas on this website, and for how this ministry is allowing Christian wives to walk in sexual freedom.
For those of you who have a really high sex drive, how often do you masturbate? Do you have days where you’re doing it a lot? (and I mean a lot a lot)
This is the first time I have been on this site, got recommended to me. Wow, this site is incredible! I feel that during sex with hubby it is fine, but feel very guilty doing it alone, but like others, im not satisfied by my husband. I also feel highly offended if I find out or catch my hubby masturbating. I think its is more fear of what he is fantacising about when he is doing it, as he has had problems with porn. So is masturbating alone ok?
I begin masturbating a lot once we married. Though I did before marriage, it was only on poles – rubbing on them (it happened by accident one day and I couldn’t get enought of it). I never used my fingers or toys to mb before marriage but in anticipation of the wedding I did explore my body, reading, studying, learning just never to the extent of mb.
On the honeymoon, after the first few days of loads and loads of intercourse I began to get tender inside so we figured it’d be a good time to do other things. I was so excited about showing off my body to my husband that I touched myself, twisting, stretching, bending, exposing every way imaginable. I masturbated for him multiple ways using multiple items in multiple positions all the time letting my inner lips recover.
I discovered things about myself I never knew! I liked certain things. He liked watching it!
We explored, talked, experimented, discussed, got creative, laughed, played, played, and played a lot more. We made love after several days of just playing and loads of oral. Btw oral was AMAAAAZING! I had so much fun playing that it has remained a staple in our sex life.
I now masturbated more than ever. I love it! Absolutely love it! I love for my husband to do it! I love hands, feeling, touching, to me it incorporates more senses. I can feel my body where am being touched, feel the touching that I am doing, see it (via mirrors or video), talk about it which adds verbal and auditory, and together my body & mind are all the more alert. I have amazing orgasms masturbating.
My sister asked if it is detrimental to my sex life with my husband – for us NO! It helps tremendously! It keeps the fire stoked! The flames aburning. I want him more than ever. Also I mb less when we are together unless it is for show and tell. This is the most intense mb for me – show and tell with my man!
As for quickies, I occasionally do that, but I set aside time for myself and prefer long mb sessions.
My husband will be home for several months as will I so the only mb now will be for the benefit of the other, we have lots of other things to catch up on! 🙂
Claire – read my post below.
I do not know enough about you guys but mb alone is a large part of our relationship out of necessity. We travel apart for work often but have found a way to incorporate it into our sex life so that is it a wonderful part.
Personally, in a marriage, I believe mb can be detrimental when done alone if it is not a shared experience with one’s spouse.
When I mb alone I ALWAYS share the experience with husband. I might call him and tell him about it or type it and send it in an email or text. Or even write him a letter to read when he arrives home telling him all about my adventures.
When he does it, he does like wise.
Funny thing is. I am the one who encouraged him into masturbation. He was not a biggy as far as mb. I have been since the wedding day. Then after a year off big trips with work we knew we had to come up with something to help us when we were separated.
It works well for us and helps our time together be ever more intense! But we tell ALL and are very descriptive, detailed, & creative in our fun. Learning to open up is the key. There are loads of ways to go about it, prayer is huge, open communication is huge, playing a lot sexually helps a lot.
Become a part of your husband’s mb, you’ll be amazed at the doors it will open in your marriage. You will both learn what boundaries need to be set and be in a better position to know and to help one another if they get crossed (ie. your comment on fantasies).
I mb when I get in the “I want sex all the time mood.” Almost all the time it is planned out long and when I have enough time. I do on occasion get so turned on that I will mb without planning it but it is seldom a quickie. I tend to mb more for my husband’s viewing pleasure than anything. He loves it, I love to do it for him, and we often have great sex afterwards. Sometimes we mb together and it can be quick. It is quite fun doing it together, I never would have thought this.
I have a wonderful relationship with my hubby and, other than the odd hiccup which we’ve worked through, we’ve shared a good sex life for our 15 years of marriage. We’ve been able to talk freely about things, so there are no emotional issues. I was brought up with the belief that sex is a God-given wonderful thing and, other than keeping it in the protective marriage relationship, it is there for procreation and intimacy. So I have no hang-ups that it’s bad or dirty.
Taylor, I read your post with great interest because I had a pretty high libido before going on the pill but it seemed to vanish into thin air as soon as I started taking the pill. Things did not return to normal when I came off it just over a year later, and I’ve had no libido and migraines to keep me company ever since – 14 years later!
I have heard of that happening to others, but my doc and gynae are both sceptical. I went to see a endocrinologist and, although she had heard of this happening, she wasn’t able to offer any treatment. I have not heard about the gel, either, and would be willing to try that option. Can you post the name so that I can follow up with my doc? Although sceptical about my libido, he is a great GP and very helpful.
Also, can you give more details about the hormone test you had done? I have had the usual tests done which (bittersweetly) came back normal. Reading your post gives me hope that there might be a small light at the end of this long tunnel.
I use this stuff called CLYMAX for a woman’s libido. It may enhance sexual desire, sex drive, sexual performance, energy and stamina…and actually it has been working for me. Maybe try and buy some. Made from totally natural products. Have a look, maybe they help!
That’s called an addiction. Women can be sex addicts as well.
Because we mb a lot does not mean we are addicted. I have a much higher sex dirve than my husband coupled with the fact that he cannot orgasm as much as I do in a given amount of time leaves us with mb. We do it a variety of ways and not only do I enjoy it he does as well. He also recovers quicker. As far as when he is not around, he encourages me, he does not want me to go without as much release as I desire. We talk about it all the time which helps get him going so we can make love more. When he is out of town, it has helped tremendously! He can tell you all about that…
Hooray for quickies! I have three kids age 5 and under, with another on the way, and sometimes the best way to take the edge off the STRESS of being around them all the time, is to run upstairs, lock the door and give myself 1 minute of Mommy Time. I’m a pretty fast O’er, especially with help from a toy, so they don’t even notice. I feel so much better afterwards, and I’ve found that it actually helps me be more responsive at night, since I’ve already been “thinking sex” during the day.
My husband and I have always shared mb with each other, even when we are apart for a few days. I luv writing notes or sending a text to him before and after. Mb get us excited and makes the time together even more special and concentrated. He always asks me what I am wearing and wants me to tell it all…then when we are together again it is like we pick up where we left off and confirm our loving relationship. Guess we are called Christian Nymphos for a reason. Have an enjoyable Christmas celebration with your loved ones. S