Tighter After Oral?

So for a while now I’ve noticed something about my own body but haven’t said anything.  I’ve waited just to see if my husband would notice on his own.  A couple of months ago he did finally say something about it, and I’ve been meaning to write it out on here ever since.

We are definitely an oral sex couple.  Almost every time we make love we give each other oral.  It’s just a big part of our foreplay.  Sometimes I let him finish me orally before we make love, and sometimes I stop him before I finish and just ask him to penetrate me so that I can finish with him inside.  It all just depends on my mood J

What I have found interesting is that on the occasions where I let him finish me orally, I become extremely tight after that orgasm.  So much so that he has to really take his time entering me so that it doesn’t hurt.  But, on the other hand, if I stop him before I orgasm and ask him to just penetrate me… then I’m my normal self and not overly tight.

I’ve noticed this for a long time but just kept it as a mental note in my mind.  Then a couple of months ago my husband mentioned it, so I knew that he had noticed it as well.  He had just finished me orally and was about to penetrate when he looked at me and said: “You are always so tight after you finish orally!”  I looked at him with wide eyes and said:  “I KNOW!”  😆

Is this something that’s true of all women?  I find it kind of odd because when I orgasm I also self lube even more, which means that I would think it would be easier for penetration.  But even after the orgasmic contractions are over and I have a few minutes to collect myself, we still have to take our time when he enters me for the first time.

So now I’m curious.  Are most women experiencing the same thing that I am, or is this just the way my body reacts to orgasm?  Ladies, what is your experience with reaching orgasm first and then moving to penetration?


Yes I just made up that acronym.  It stands for something that’s been on my mind lately and I figured I’d share it with all of you.

I can’t remember the last time that my husband and I had sex so passionately that I saw stars.  You know, that raw animal like sex.  That  “Rip Your Clothes Off Sex!”  I remember when we were first married (many years ago), how he’d take me up against the wall after coming home from dinner out, or even on the hood of the hood of the car because we just couldn’t wait to get into the house.  Clothes would go flying off in every which direction and afterwards we’d both be panting together as we waited for the endorphins to calm down once again.

It’s been a very cold winter where we live, and the other night my husband mentioned how our sex life had become so predictable lately.  One of us will ask if the other is interested, and if it’s agreed upon then we both make a mad dash to the bedroom where we disrobe and jump under the covers, teeth chattering, trying to use our body heat to warm us up before we can even think about making love.  When my husband mentioned this to me I couldn’t help but laugh.  He’s SO RIGHT! 😆

So now I’m longing for some type of change.  Spring is just around the corner and with it will hopefully come some more playful and passionate romps!  I want to surprise my husband with some RYCOS at some point when he’s least expecting it.  I think it will be good for the soul.  We’ve just gotten into a predictable rut and I’m so ready to break out of it!  I think that part of the greatness of it before was the spontaneity of it.  So I’m not too sure how it will be trying to PLAN it, but I’m willing to try.  Anyway, if winter has put you into a rut as well, then maybe you should think about planning your own RYCOS moment with your husband too.  COME ON SPRING!


The topic of “facials” can be almost as controversial as anal sex.  So, of course you know I HAVE to write about it!  😆  Seriously though, this topic has been danced around on a couple of different articles here, so I figured I might as well just go ahead and bring it out into the light for all to discuss.  If you’re sitting there wondering if I’m talking about what you think I’m talking about, then yes, I’m talking about your husband ejaculating on your face.

There are no doubt many of you sitting there reading this article thinking “Eeeww.”  That’s not an uncommon response.  I know that the thoughts of allowing your husband to finish on your face may not be the most romantic thing.  It’s perfectly fine to say that you aren’t interested in that type of sexual play or that that specific act crosses a boundary for you.  We are simply discussing one activity, out of hundreds of things, which a couple can share together.

I’ve read a couple of different sites that suggest semen as a great facial moisturizer.  I’ve also read reports that say semen can tighten your pores/skin, helping to fight against wrinkles.  There could be a little truth to that.  I know from personal experience that if you leave it on your face it dries out much like egg whites.  It pulls your skin tighter & firmer.  But whatever firmness it seems to give you is all washed away when you shower.  So I don’t really think that husbands will be able to use the line, “Want younger looking skin?”  😎

To those of you who feel like this is strictly a porn activity.  Let me just say here that if any activity makes you think of pornography, or gives you flashbacks to pornographic images, then it’s probably not a good idea to continue with that activity.  That being said, if you and your husband would like to experiment with this then you should feel free to do so, without guilt over whether or not this activity is done in pornographic movies.  (Let me remind you all that they also kiss and fondle and have intercourse in those movies too, so should we just stop having sex with our spouse altogether?)

This subject has also been discussed on other marital forums such as TMB.  What has been interesting to me is to hear from the couples themselves as to why they like doing this.  Here is a quote from one man:  “I love that my wife is so easygoing and playful.  She is almost always willing to let me finish on her face when I ask to (except when she has plans to go out somewhere and doesn’t want her make up messed up!)  For me, I love the visual of seeing my wife with her mouth open, trying to catch my come in her mouth.  And then I see it running down the sides of her mouth and chin.  I always aim for her mouth because one time it shot up her nose on accident and she snorted and we both got to laughing so hard!  So we try to not have that happen again!” And here is a quote from a woman who engages in this activity with her husband:  “My husband knows that I want to please him in every way possible.  Although it doesn’t happen often, when he asks me if he can go on my face, I usually say yes.  We will get him almost there by using oral or PIV and then I’ll get into position.  I always make eye contact with him and smile really big to let him know that I’m ready for him.  He’ll smile back at me.  Sometimes I’ll even talk to him at this point and tell him that I can’t wait to taste/feel his come on me.  When we’re finished he always cleans me up himself with a washcloth and tells me how blessed he feels to have me as his wife.”

So yes, there are actually couples who do this and like it.  I think that it probably depends on many different variables in the couple’s life, including but not limited to:  past sexual abuse, past sexual partners, past or current porn use, personal convictions, tolerance levels, openness, attitudes, level of trust in the relationship, vulnerability, etc.  I don’t think there is any one thing that makes this activity okay or not, but rather a conglomerate of things.  If my husband had a history of making me feel cheap or degraded, then I don’t believe I would entertain this idea at all.  If I knew that this was an activity he used to love to do with his ex wife, then I may not want to do it either.  If I knew that deep down I was disgusted with the thoughts of having my husband’s semen all over me, then again, I would probably say no.   However, if we had a very open and trusting relationship with no issues of past partners, and we were both very playful and eager to try new things together, then I may entertain the idea of trying this once to see how it goes.

Just for the record (if you haven’t already guessed) we have indeed tried this in my marriage.  Let me go ahead and warn you that if you do decide to try this with your husband, make sure you tell him to please do not aim anywhere near your eyes!  Let’s just say that one shot of that stuff will give you a blood shot eye for HOURS, and everyone around you will wonder if you’ve got a hang over or something!  Yeah, try explaining that one!  😳

Q&A: How to Get Your Husband to Seduce YOU

In a previous article, we discussed ideas on how you could seduce your husband and now we are going to talk about ways to invite your husband to do the same for you. This article was inspired in part by the following email.

I have always had a hard time with my self-image. That being said, my husband caters to these purges of self-hate wonderfully, and lovingly, but inside the bedroom it is another story. It is very obvious that my hubby is attracted to me, but I am always, without a doubt, the only person who initiates sex. In addition to this, it is very rare that we have what you would call “sexy sex.” Our most intimate moments feel like two fish flopping on top of each other, for lack of a better description. It feels like there is a serious emotional disconnect between us during the act, and it is something that really tears at me, besides feeling unwanted because of never being propositioned. What I’m trying to ask, I suppose, is how to get my husband to seduce me and how I can go about helping him be the passionate person inside the bedroom, as he is outside.

For most people it’s a negative feeling to know that someone has an expectation of us and are disappointed that we aren’t meeting it so first of all I want to talk about keeping this process very positive and light hearted. As far as it depends on you, approach your husband very warmly and openly. You want to remember that this is a process of inviting him to something that will be better for both of you rather than persuading him to become something he is not.

It’s a good idea to maintain a bit of perspective. Try to be gracious and remember that in most circumstances it’s really about learning to be good lovers for one another. If you can learn to be comfortable expressing your sexual self to your husband and he is a decent man, you can get to a good place where you are able to communicate what you’d like.

For some men they need and want you to be very clear about what it is you want. For other men, they want a more playful and unintentional flirtation to entice them into wanting to seduce you. We’ve already talked a lot on our blog about the clear ways that you can communicate with your husband if a very straight forward and honest conversation if necessary so let’s focus more here on the playful ways that you can inspire your husband to pursue you more.

Let’s talk first about the importance of maintaining your own sexual vibe because when you feel sexy, you are going to communicate that to your husband even if you don’t mean to. Maybe staying active in sport or working out helps you with this. Maybe it’s how you dress. Maybe it’s how you keep your hair or wearing make up. There are a lot of non-physical ways that we can promote this sensuality, too. Some women find that the wonderful reading resources that are available today which discuss sexuality in a godly way are very helpful. And don’t underestimate the value of spending time with other women who possess a positive outlook on married sexuality.

So what are some ways that we can creatively step out and stir up our husbands beyond the ideas I already mentioned. I’d love to hear from our readers about things that have worked well, but here are some fun ways you might enjoy trying.

  • If your husband is a sports fan, offer yourself as half time entertainment. Bring him a drink and a snack and undo a button on your shirt.
  • Let him know at some point during the day by phone call or text that you have been thinking of him and are looking forward to seeing him when he gets home. This will get him thinking too and hopefully he will get some good ideas on what you can do together that night.
  • Share a memory with him of when you felt particularly loved or desired by him. Let him know how those kinds of things please you.
  • Don’t be bashful about changing in front of him. Keep the lights on. Turn towards him. Don’t rush. Let him enjoy seeing your body.

The idea is just to get him to notice you and be thinking about you. This, along with honest conversation, will really help a husband and wife to become good lovers and to share in initiating sexual contact.

The other aspect of the question in the email is how to make sex more passionate and intimate on all levels. We’ll discuss this in a future article.

Code Words

DH and I have had the most fun lately.   A lot of people (family included) have not caught on to our “code words”.  Have you ever tried them?   Do you have any code words or symbols that you use to let your spouse know that you are in the mood for some good lovin?

With the holiday seasons upon us, our code words have been related to the holidays lately.  Our kids have NO CLUE.   Whenever we have needed some private time while the kids were home from school over Thanksgiving, our code word about “Christmas” came out a lot.   Have you ever tried “Dad and I need to talk about Christmas” ?   It works like a charm, and literally, our teenage son asked us the other day if we had decided what we were getting him for Christmas!   Code words can be a very flirtatious way to interact with your spouse in other forums, too.   Try it out on his home page on Facebook or Myspace!!   If you think of creative catch phrases that sound harmless, it is a very good way to unexpectedly give your spouse something to think about or look forward to.   Trust me, my own family members have fallen for this.   My DH and I get a giggle when an aunt asks if we decided what to buy her in all our discussing!

I recently did an article about the game “A Private Affair”.   They had a unique idea with their game.   A simple pin that you could wear as a secret code between you and your spouse.  If you wear it during the day or out in public where your spouse can see it, he knows that you have something special planned or in mind.   And the code doesn’t have to be about sex.  It could be an “I am thinking about you” or ” You are on my mind right now” or an “I thought about sex today”  kind of code as well.

Other types of codes can be slipping a pair of panties in his briefcase or over his rear view mirror, sending a text on his phone or a sexy email, writing him a love letter or a “hoochy mail” type story, kidnapping him to an unknown location….the ways are endless.

After the holidays are over, we’re going to need to come up with a new code for our secret rendezvous…. let the creativity roll!

How To Seduce Your Husband

I got to thinking the other day of ways that wives can seduce their husbands. Of course, every man is different so what works for one man may not do so much for another, but I thought it would be good for us to share our ideas of how we draw our husbands into sexual chemistry. For many men timing is very important. You may do something that normally would really excite them, but if you pick the wrong time it doesn’t get you the results you were looking for. The other factor is that some men are living as sexual refusers so drawing them into a physical encounter with you is extremely difficult, but under normal circumstances where a husband and wife are sacrificially loving one another there are lots of fun and exciting ways to seduce your husband.

The first thing that comes to mind for me is how we dress. Again, different men like different things, but as you go through your life with your husband he is going to give you cues as to what he likes. For example, my husband has mentioned how much he like to see me wearing black. Specifically, black lingerie. So, when we are getting ready for a date night guess what color I always consider. It doesn’t mean I am limited to only wearing black, but since I know he likes it, that is what I often pick. Listen for if your husband comments on how you wear your hair or a scent you wear or a certain outfit. Does he like you in jeans? Skirts, long or short? A certain neckline? What body parts does he like and what outfits do you have that will accentuate those parts for him? In short, use the physical attributes that God gave you which your husband likes to seduce him.

Another aspect to seduction is the words we say. What parts of his body turn you on? Tell him about it. If it feels more natural and relational to use words other than “penis” or “vagina” then by all means, go ahead and use that spicy language. Just make sure that you both feel comfortable with whatever words you use or slang words can ruin the mood for your spouse. Use phone calls and text messages to tell him what you want to do to him or what you want him to do to you. Whisper it in his ear at an opportune moment, but pick a moment when he can’t do anything about it right away.

The other part of seduction that I will mention is what we do. We have discussed so many of the options on our blog, but here is a list of options. Some of them are going to be exciting for you, some of them won’t be. You don’t have to do them all. Just pick the ones you like.

  • Mention that you are not wearing panties when you are headed out for a date.
  • Pick a saucy song and do a little strip tease.
  • Wear something like this when you meet him somewhere, with nothing underneath. Of course, you can make it look more modest while you are out.
  • Get something started while you are out if you can find a private spot. Even if you can’t go all the way, you can do other things, like manual sex at the movies.
  • Take some sexy pictures of yourself.
  • Have fun making some “messy love.”
  • Try seeing if you can fulfill one of his fantasies.

There are so many options for acting seductively. Please add your own in the comment section.

Our attempts to seduce our husbands are going make them feel desired, loved and affirmed as men. That is why it is important to be intentional about pursuing them, especially if your husband tends to be the one who always initiates. So start studying him and see what his preferences are. Use what he likes to invite him to enjoy your sexuality.

Q&A: Web Cams!

“My husband (let’s just call him Clyde) recently pushed for us to get web cams for our computers. The idea of being able to see each other while talking from long distances was a big turn on to him, as I discovered. Need some dialogue about whether or not video chatting or exchanging with my husband videos of a sexual nature is advised. Trying to brainstorm creative ways to stay connected in anticipation that one or both of us may be deployed with the Army. Thanks!”

Web cams are really cool to utilize when one of you is away.  My husband has taken a web cam on his business trips before, and I plan on taking one myself on an upcoming trip where I will be away from home!  Video chatting is basically just conducting an Instant Message conversation while having your cams turned on.  By using the camera, you and your husband will be able to type back and forth to each other and see each other at the same time.  Some programs even allow you to use your microphone so that you can hear each other, and there is no need for typing.  This makes it even more intimate!

Being away from your spouse is hard, and web cam sex can indeed be something spicy that you can add to your marriage until you are reunited again.  It’s like phone sex, enhanced! 🙂  It’s wonderful for people who are visually stimulated, because you get to see your spouse doing those things for you that blow your mind!

My only caution is that both spouses make doubly sure that absolutely NO ONE can/will walk in on you while it’s going on.  Privacy is very important here.  Hotel rooms are one thing, but if your spouse is deployed overseas… it may be harder for him/her to be able to guarantee absolute privacy.

You asked about “exchanging videos of a sexual nature” with your husband.  (Of course, I assume here that you mean sending your husband a sexy video of yourself.)  Again, my only concern with this is your privacy and making sure that no one other than your husband will have access to it.  Personally, I would feel better with the live feed on the camera instead of emailing him a video to open on his computer.  Because if he doesn’t get that video deleted then his friends may accidentally come across it 😯

You wrote to us back in April, so one of you may be deployed by now.  I hope you have come to a safe agreement about what you will do together to keep your marriage bed sizzling while you are apart!  God bless!

Sneak Attack

When was the last time you did something unexpectedly to your husband?  I am talking about totally blindsiding him?   The move I am going to describe can be done almost anywhere at any time and best of all, it takes no skill what-so-ever.   It is a great way to spice things up without going too far out of your comfort zone.

What could this ultra simple move be that can be done virtually anywhere?  It is simple.  Just sneak up from behind and do whatever comes naturally.  Coming in from a different angle gives your husband different sensations and it also gives you a totally different view than approaching him from the front.  Some ideas to tantalize your man are to take your nails and gently graze his back, starting at the base of his neck, along his shoulders, down his buttocks, and to the back (and inner thigh) of his legs.   He will most likely be putty in your hands at this point.  You can whisper your inner most thoughts into his ear, be as descriptive as you can. 

Don’t be shy about fondling him from this position.  He will receive totally different sensation from your hand grasping his penis at this angle opposed to head on.   The hand placement won’t be totally foreign to him because this is similar to the hand position he would use to masturbate.  You can make it unique by paying attention to other erogenous zones while you are stroking him.   Fondle his testicles from behind, keep grazing his buttocks, or tease his anus if he is into anal play.  These are things he would not be able to do very easily on his own and I guarantee it will drive him wild!!

Easy enough, right?  I am sure some of you already include this move in your bag of tricks but I just wanted to remind you girls that you don’t need to go crazy to spice up your sex life.  I know many women like having face to face contact with their husband.  If that is the case, you can you this as foreplay and then move so that you are face to face or position him in front of a mirror so that you can see his expression.  Remember, changing things up is what helps to keep the fires burning.   Have fun!!

Making Time for Sex

Do you ever feel like your husband approaches you at some very inopportune times or frustrated because days turn into weeks without getting a physical connection with your husband?  If so then it may be time for you to start scheduling times on a calendar for sex.  Many women do not like the idea because they feel that scheduling takes away some of the spontaneity.  I suppose it does to an extent but some aspects can be kept a mystery.  You don’t need to discuss exactly where it will happen or what sex act will take place.  I would much rather lose some spontaneity rather than dealing with the feeling of rejection.  I know that in the past I have dropped hints (that I thought were blatantly obvious) only to find that my husband was clueless to my advances.  This was our beginning stages of me realizing that he truly is not a mind reader.  At the time I was feeling very frustrated and thought he was avoiding me and these feeling could have been avoided with better communication or simple scheduling.  Another scenario where scheduling can help is if your husband approaches you at inopportune times such as when your friend is walking up to your front door so that you can watch her child for her.  Putting things on a schedule assures that we are hearing each other and it is important enough to not let it just fall through the cracks.  It is easy to say no, go about our business and not see how this may be affecting our spouse.  Communication is so very important.  If you have a spouse who wants to be there for you sexually but is having difficulties finding the time, don’t be shy to pull out a calendar or simply make a ‘date’ for later in the day.  Once it is on that calendar it is a visual reminder for both of you and it gives you something to look forward too as well!!  It can be exciting not knowing exactly what will happen on that special, marked day.

Sex Furniture to Enhance Positions

One of the ways to add spice to your sex life is to add in special pieces of furniture which are designed especially for enhancing sex. There are a variety of companies and individuals who have given this some thought and have produced some really great stuff.

Liberator shapes are pieces of furniture specifically designed as sex furniture that allow for certain positions to hit you in just the right spot. They will angle this and elevate that and allow for the positions you have always known to feel a little different. They are built from high quality foam and covered with soft, sensual fabrics. They sell different lines of shapes. Some with restraints, some without. A variety of fabrics and textures. Some of the shapes include the Esse, the Ramp, the Wedge (those two are also sold as a set), the Cube, the Scoop and many other shapes. They also have a nice blanket which is soft velvet on one side and silky satin on the other with an inner layer that is a moisture barrier to keep the fluids, lubes and lotions from getting on your other furniture. If you are looking for this it is called the Fascinator Throe. They also have large cushions and pillows. The greatest problem with Liberator shapes is the cost. They are very pricey and I am convinced that if you have sewing ability, you can make some of them without too much trouble if you can access the high quality foam. So if they appeal to you consider making one yourself or making something like this that one poster spoke of at The Marriage Bed Forums. I haven’t linked to the Liberator site because it contains a lot of nudity. If you wish to go there be forewarned and feel free to find them through a search engine. However one of our affiliate sites does sell Liberator products without nudity, Romance Between the Lines.

Another piece of sex furniture to consider is a sex swing. A sex swing allows you to be strapped in and elevated off the ground. It will most often have padded straps for supporting several areas; back, rear end, legs. It allows for angles and positions that you can’t accomplish without it. (Edited to remove link with nudity.) You can usually find a pretty good one for a little over $50.

Also remember that your house is filled with furniture that you use every day for other purposes that will give you a different angle than your bed. The kitchen table, counter tops, the couch, arm chairs, desks, office chairs, recliners…. Take a walk through your house this week and look at what you have and see if it would make good sex furniture. You might be surprised at what you find. You may not be able to afford Liberator Shapes, but there are lots of other things you can do to spice up positions with the furniture you already have. 😀

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