Cuddle vs Get Up and Go

We have received multiple inquires about post coital cleanup.  Some husbands are wondering why their wives jump up to clean immediately after instead of cuddling and the women want to know if they are normal for wanting to scrub down.  Many women prefer to clean up immediately after to prevent infections.  Bacteria can be pushed up during intercourse and the best and easiest way to flush it out is to urinate.  Another reason we may feel like cleaning is to prevent our juices from soiling the sheets.  If we just cuddle up then the fluids just slowly seep out and it is not a very comfortable feeling.  (Some women are exceptions to this rule though and they don’t mind their love juices seeping out.  In fact, they may see it as a nice reminder of what has occured.)

 

Some other options to running to the bathroom are to have some baby wipes or towels ready next to the bed for a quick clean up.  This way it only takes a second and you can continue to bask in the afterglow while cuddling instead of leaving your man all alone in bed.  If you are feeling like a shower, then why not invite your man to join you?  Who knows, this could even lead to a second roll in the hay.  If you are prone to UTI’s then I suggest you continue to urinate post coital.  If someone is leaving the bed to clean up it should not be looked at as them not accepting their spouse they are probably just trying to feel more comfortable or avoid and infection.  If you feel like your spouse is jumping ship to avoid intimacy and put up a barrier then the best thing to do is to have a heart to heart. 

Q&A: Adult Nursing

“I haven’t read anything about lactation erotica.  My hubby is interested in trying it.  I’m not pregnant yet but he said he wanted to test the waters, so to speak, with me to find out if I was okay with it.  I’m not sure what I think.  My hubby is definitely a boob man so maybe it’s no surprise that he’d bring this up.  I just hadn’t thought about it.  I figured once a baby came that “the girls” would be on active duty for the baby and hubby would have to do without.  I guess I’m wrong on this!  Now I’m wondering what it would feel like to give him my milk.  What if he likes it?  What if he likes it a lot (he thinks he will)?  We both know that the baby will come first but it is different to think about.  How do I wean a baby off the breast and keep it for my husband?  Any thoughts would be helpful.  My gut feeling is that if we start with this that it won’t be a temporary thing and that he would want to keep it going as long as possible.  Please tell me I’m not the only one to have to think about this!!!”

No, you are not the only one to think about this. Adult nursing is something that many couples think about and/or try. Once a baby comes, I think it’s perfectly normal for a man to be curious about breast milk. (Especially if he is a ‘boob man’ 😛 ) I have heard of Christian couples who practice this and say that it brings them a great deal of satisfaction. They view it as a type of nurturing between them, and say it adds to their intimacy.

While some of us may think this is odd, I certainly can’t find where the bible speaks against this. I do see where breasts are mentioned to give nutrition to infants, and I also see where breasts are mentioned as sexual organs between a husband and a wife in the Song of Solomon. I also found this scripture:

Proverbs 5:18-20 (New Living Translation)

18 Let your wife be a fountain of blessing for you.
Rejoice in the wife of your youth.
19 She is a loving deer, a graceful doe.
Let her breasts satisfy you always.
May you always be captivated by her love.

It would seem to me, that God is saying that it is okay for a husband and his wife to enjoy her breasts in all their glory. I don’t see any rules or commandments limiting breast play.

There are also some marriages that continue with the adult nursing, even after the baby has been weaned. Just know that this does take work. The breasts need to be suckled several times a day in order to keep lactating. This can be difficult to do with most couples’ schedules. Pumping may help some, but you may become tiresome of the whole thing. It takes a great deal of commitment to continue nursing after the baby has stopped.

As I write this article, I’m reminded of a friend of mine who was nursing her one year old. Her husband complained one morning that they were out of milk for his cereal. She told him to feel free to defrost some of her breast milk and use it! He started acting like he was gagging and such, and they both laughed. He did end up trying it later, out of curiosity, but found he didn’t like it.

Like many other things, this does have the potential to become a fetish, so I would caution you to just be aware of that. Other than that, this seems to be something that you, as a couple, will just need to decide on together. If any of our readers have any experience with this, maybe they will leave a comment or advice for you.

For additional information and support on ANR (Adult Nursing Relationship) check out:  Woman-essence.

Learning to Orgasm through Finger Stimulation

I am wondering if it is possible to learn to orgasm in new ways?  I know it’s possible, but any ideas on how?  I’d love to be able to just with his hands/fingers so that way if we are somewhere not so secluded I still could.  I’ve read from others how they have, but except for a couple positions I tend to not get aroused. It is exciting and almost euphoric but why wasn’t there more?  I know this is wrong that I even know this, but as a teen it would have drove me crazy!  I am only 34…….it surely can’t be my age, can it?

 

 

I think that many of us have our “safe positions” that allow  us to achieve orgasm.  When we try to stretch our boundaries we almost need to rewire our brain.  When you are home try to reach orgasm without using a toy so that you can try to ‘train’ your body to respond to touch.  Frustration can be a real mood killer so if you start to feel frustrated then use that safe position or a toy to bring you to orgasm. If you are trying to be intimate in a new setting, such as outdoors, it really takes some focusing on relaxation and shutting out other stimuli.  If you are comfortable touching yourself then I recommend you taking the reigns those first few times.  Either use your own fingers so your husband can see what feels good or put your hand over his and guide them.  Try having your husband whisper exactly what he plans to do to you to keep things simmering.   

Just like everything else, practice makes perfect.  The article called ‘Clitoral Stimulation’ lists some ideas for you or your husband to use for arousal.  Much of what we do in regards to sex is trial and error.  The more you do it the better you be at sensing what arouses you. Keep in mind that the types of orgasms you have may vary depending on where you are in your cycle. I do not think it is an age related issue.  From what I hear things will get better with age because you know what makes you tick.  Just think how much better you will know your body 5 years from now!!

 

Take My Breath Away

About two years ago I realized something. As I am approaching orgasm I have a tendency to hold my breath. I never planned to. I never made a conscious decision to do it. I assume I’ve done it for years and just never realized it. After I came to this realization, I started paying more attention to my breathing patterns during sex.

Breathing patterns are different for everyone. I’ve heard some people talk about how the best orgasms are those that you breathe deeply through. I did a little research, and there are SO MANY different breathing techniques out there. I tried deep breathing and it just didn’t work for me.

Most of the sources that I’ve read have talked about deep belly breathing. (You former band students know what I’m talking about here.) Many people breathe mostly using their chests. But when you are breathing correctly, it is your tummy that should rise and fall, not your chest. Lie on your bed or sofa and place a book on your belly. Take a slow, deep breath in, to a count of 4 or 5. The book should rise. Then exhale slowly and watch the book fall. This is deep breathing. People into yoga or meditation also do deep breathing exercises. It can help to regulate your heart rate and relieve stress. I’ve also heard it said that men who practice this type of deep breathing have better ejaculatory control, partly due to being more relaxed. Here is an interesting read on how deep breathing exercises can help with premature ejaculation issues.

So this deep breathing is supposed to be erotic during sex. It is supposed to help your body experience all the full feelings of pleasure. It can also help extend your orgasms, or so I’ve heard. The problem for me is that the opposite seems to be true. As my pleasure builds, I find myself holding my breath. It adds…something…to it and many times is what pushes me over the top. I find that holding my breath as orgasm approaches helps to quiet everything in my head, and allows me to focus solely on the pleasure sensations that are building. It works for me.

So I guess we are all different in our breathing patterns during sex. I’m going to try and see if I can experiment some more on deep breathing during my intimate times. It’s very hard for me to change how I normally do things, but I am curious to know if it would indeed feel any different? If I have any major breakthroughs I’ll be sure to come back here and update this blog. In the mean time, I’d love to know if there are any other “breath holders” out there besides me?

Clitoral Stimulation

If your husband is looking for some ideas on how to stimulate your clitoris here are some to pass along. 

Lubrication is a must!!! If there is not enough natural lube for his figures to slide easily then by all means use CO or whatever your favorite lube may be.  Natural lube varies depending where we are in our cycle.  If your natural lube dries up it usually has nothing to do with your level of arousal and more to do with where you are in your cycle.

Here are some different techniques that he can try:

Move in circles~ Put two fingers together, move in circles starting with a light pressure.

Go up and down~ Instead of moving in circles move you two fingers in an up and down motion.

Barely there~ Graze the clitoris with the lightest touch possible.  If you enjoy this you could also try incorporating different objects such as a feather or silk undies.

Handful of Sunshine~ Have his palm rest on your clitoris while his fingers play at your vagina’s entrance or have him reach for your G-spot using his fingers in a come hither motion. If you start grinding against his palm then he should take this as a very good sign.

Tour Guide~ Put your hand over his and guide his hand/fingers to what feels good.

Thumbing~As he uses his thumb to stimulate your clitoris, he can also insert a couple of fingers into your vagina. If you like anal stimulation he can try to tickle that area with his pinky.

When trying these different techniques remember you can always apply more pressure as needed but unlike a man’s penis the clitoris is extra sensitive (which you should know especially if you read our article on the clitoris.)  It should be handled with care and a softer touch is usually more effective. Have him try different speeds and tell him what feels best. Once you find a speed and pressure that works make sure you tell your husband to keep doing whatever it is he’s doing.  Sometimes men think they need to speed it up when we are about to experience an orgasm and that is not the case.  Remember to communicate your wants and needs.  This seems to really turn my husband on and it could do the same for yours.  If all goes well don’t forget to tell him how good he is at following directions. 😉

Fisting

This article is going to discuss a sexual technique known as ‘fisting’.  I have not experienced this activity for myself so I decided to find someone who has in fact engaged in this activity.  A Christian woman, named Nicole, was gracious enough to field my questions on this very sensitive subject.  I would like to thank Nicole for being so informative and transparent in order to educate others.  (Nicole’s answers are italicized.)

What made you pursue this activity?

At the beginning of our talks, my husband thought I’d be too ‘innocent’ to be interested in these kinds of things, and I thought he’d be horrified if I brought up some of the things I wanted to try. Thankfully for both of us, we’d assumed VERY wrongly as to how the other person felt and what they would think!

I guess I’ve always been very adventurous and very much an explorer when it came to sex. Always wondered if certain activities were possible, beyond your standard ‘penis goes in vagina’ type of event.

And one time we were talking about things we would like to try, and he brought the idea up of fisting. With the way of my nature, that delighted and excited me!

How would you advise a beginner to get started?

VERY VERY SLOWLY. This is the kind of activity where the journey is just as important as the destination. I would strongly recommend the couple attempt to get the woman as aroused as possible prior to starting – so doing whatever REALLY gets her in the mood (a vibrator, oral sex, mutual masturbation, etc etc etc).

And then just start with one finger, and continue as long as you feel comfortable with. Be aware that things can change compared on your level of arousal, or simply how your body responds on a particular day. One day you may get everything including the fist, another day you might only get 2 or 3 fingers in.  It does not matter – just enjoy the journey and the feelings of pleasure.

I know that being well lubed is a must, what type of lube do you recommend?

I am very fortunate as I seem to make enough lube on my own. We have only used one lube in our history – ky jelly – which worked quite well, but we haven’t used lube in the past year or so. I hear good things about coconut oil.

Does your husband stack his fingers in a ‘beak like formation’ as he inserts them?

Generally we start with one finger and work up, so at first his fingers would be like a beak (just pressed in as close together as you can). We only start doing this once we get past 3 fingers – we always gradually work our way up. The hand only ‘stretches out’ once we get past the knuckles. If you’re going beyond the duck to the fist/full hand activity, you need to be REALLY aroused.

In my research I have read that the knuckles are the toughest part to get past. Do you and your husband do anything special when inserting his knuckles?

Until that point we seem to always start with the palm facing to my spine. When we get to knuckles, it seems to be the best point to flip over so the palm faces the stomach, and progressing further is easier in this position. We only do this when I am really aroused from prior foreplay.

Should any extra precautions be taken when a husband goes to remove his hand?

ALWAYS be aware of fingernails, no matter where you are in the activities. Bending the fingers slightly backwards makes it slightly easier – and again go as slowly as you did to enter in the first place.

Do you need to be more diligent with any tightening exercises such as kegels?

I have always had fantastic pelvic floor muscles (as noted by ultrasound technicians and the like), and I think that fact is part of the reason I find this activity quite easy and enjoyable. I would definitely recommend women to be doing kegels regularly, irrespective of what sexual activity they are involved in. For fisting in particular, you do need good control of your pelvic floor muscles to be able to fully enjoy the activity.

Do you feel any special type of connection with your husband when engaging in this activity?

I definitely feel a huge bond with my husband when we do this. I experience an overwhelming feeling of trust and complete abandonment in him.

Have you ever injured yourself in anyway while engaging in this activity?

Pain – not so far. I would say some days I’ve had mild ‘stretching’ muscle soreness afterwards, but nothing really noticeable. Again, extreme arousal is very necessary to get the whole hand to wrist inside, so this probably helps with the lack of pain and discomfort. You could do a heck of a lot of damage if you kept forcing it without allowing arousal to help, or knowing when to stop.

I would say that this activity, like anal sex, is not an activity I would want to pursue with someone I didn’t have complete and utter trust in to obey whatever request I made during it. You want to be COMPLETELY sure that your spouse will agree to stop at any point you begin to feel uncomfortable and will not pressure you into going further beyond what you are comfortable with.

I feel the need to reiterate that it is imperative to go slow and let your body adjust to your husband’s hand as he is penetrating you.  It can bring intense pleasure and unfortunately it can also bring intense pain if not done properly.  The minor damage would include vaginal tearing if not well lubricated.  The major damage is tearing of the actual vaginal muscle if the husband is over eager and forces his hand in without the wife adapting to it.  Take it slow and enjoy the journey!!

Double Penetration

We had someone recently write in and ask about Double Penetration.  “Is it okay to do?”  “Can Christians do this too?”  “Am I wrong for wanting to try this?” DP is simply being penetrated in two places at the same time. It is usually the anus and vagina, but it could also be the vagina and mouth or anus and mouth. Some people only think of this as a “porn” activity, but I’m here to tell you that good Christian women can indeed enjoy this with their husbands, without other people involved at all.

DP is usually more appealing to women who like anal penetration. Many women have found that the nerve endings in the anus are extremely sensitive and can intensify orgasms when stimulated. The most popular way that couples can enjoy DP is through the use of a toy inserted anally, while having intercourse. The orgasms from this can be very intense for the wife. This can be achieved in missionary position if the husband has long enough arms to reach down and around with the toy. Woman on top, doggie, and sex sitting up positions give him even easier access. You can purchase a special anal plug or toy for this activity. They are usually made with smaller girth than regular dildos are.

Sometimes it’s hard for the husband to hold the toy in place though. To help with this issue, you could try a  triple stimulator. It’s a jelly ring that fits over the husband’s penis. There is also an attached 6″ dildo for anal penetration. (It’s actually pretty slender girls, so girth isn’t an issue.) Finally, it has a vibrating bullet held in place directly over the clitoris. So every time the husband thrusts, the wife is penetrated in both places, and her clitoris is tingled by the bullet vibe!

Some women may not be in to anal penetration, but still enjoy DP. It’s fun to give your husband oral sex, while he is pleasuring you with a toy down below! It’s a unique feeling to have your husband in your mouth while he is using a toy in you at the same time. This can be done while both partners are lying on their sides, or using position #19 that Spicy Nutmeg recently wrote about! We like to see who loses concentration first!

I do think, however, that this activity has the potential to become sinful for some couples. Problems could arise if either spouse struggles with lust and/or pornography issues. Your marriage bed is for you and your husband only. So if you are engaging in this activity, and your husband is giving you the most wonderful orgasm you’ve ever experienced, but your mind is imagining another man in bed with you both, that is sin. If your husband is double penetrating you, while his mind is flashing back to pornographic images that he has seen involving this activity, or past experiences where he was involved in sexual sin himself, again it becomes sinful.

James 1:14-15 (Contemporary English Version)

14 We are tempted by our own desires that drag us off and trap us. 15 Our desires make us sin, and when sin is finished with us, it leaves us dead.

The way these verses are worded in this particular version really struck me. There are many activities that can tempt you and trap you into sin. So for those of you who have a history of engaging in sexually sinful behavior involving multiple people, or a history of struggling with these types of thoughts, it may not be a good idea to pursue DP, as it could potentially trap you. I would urge you to pray about it together first.

As long as the two of you are concentrating only on each other, then your marriage bed is undefiled. This is definitely one of those things that some people really like and other people have no intention of trying at all!   There are a few threads on  The Marriage Bed that also discuss this topic, so if you are in need of more information you may want to try over there.

Camping Sex

Tell me what you think of when you hear “May long weekend.” For me, one of the first things I think of is that it’s the start of camping season. Usually the weather is good enough to enjoy being outside so a lot of people head off for a few days of sitting around the fire chatting with friends and family, eating, drinking, reading, laughing, playing and just doing whatever it is they love about camping. However, if you are like my husband and I, you will also have discovered that camping sex is some of the hottest sex you can have and one of the best pastimes of camping.

If you are not an “outdoors girl,” you may not relate to this article, but go ahead a read it anyway. Maybe you can take some of the ideas and use them in your back yard or something. I actually think I am the only Spice Sister who likes camping. If I am wrong, I am sure one of them will speak up. 🙂

So why is camping sex so hot? A couple of things contribute to the hot-factor. One is simply that you are relaxed enough to actually think about sex. You are spending quality time together day in and day out. If you have kids you have been watching your husband do the daddy thing which I always find incredibly sexy. We don’t tend to drink alcohol very often, but we do on occasion and camping is one of the occasions. It’s one of the things we do to enjoy our vacation. All these reasons contribute to a high desire to have sex, but experiencing it is what makes it great.

Usually you can set up your site so that you have optimal privacy around the fire and so making love under the stars with a roaring fire next to you is a very real option. It is amazingly romantic. You can park your vehicle, set up your tent and run a clothes line (with towels “drying” on it when you want to make love) all in certain ways to minimize the likelihood of other campers seeing you.

A nice position is woman on top with your husband sitting in a comfy camping chair. Something your husband may be pleasantly surprised by is that if he is leaning back while you are in reverse cowgirl position, when you move up and down on him he is going to see peaks of the fire as you thrust. It’s a unique visual you may not always have access to, but you can burn it in his memory. If your husband is aroused by seeing you masturbate you might also try sitting on the other side of the fire from him and giving him a show. It’s very excited to do something that is a normal part of your sex life in a new way, like outside by a fire.

Then there is the whole aspect of having sex in a tent or RV, depending on the kind of camping you do, that is enough to add in that spicy ingredient of variety to your sex life. Be sure you have a large, comfortable, inflatable bed if you are tenting. It is not at all enjoyable to have a rock impale your back while you are in the throws of passion. Also, have enough sleeping bags or blankets so that you are warm enough. As well, having to be quieter for the neighbors can be fuel for the fire for some couples.

I recently found a book that looks quite interesting on this topic. It is called Sex in a Tent: A Wild Couple’s Guide to Getting Naughty in Nature and it is definitely on my book wish list. It covers amusing things like how to create a romantic dinner in a ziploc bag and how to have sex in a tent without destroying it, as well as truly helpful information like which are the most romantic campsites in North America and how to convince a reluctant spouse.

Camping sex is indeed one of the most fun sexual experiences my husband and I have enjoyed consistently. It never fails to disappoint. So may your summer camping trips be filled with as much great sex as great family fun this year and in the years to come.

Pegging

Wow what a topic to write on, huh?! For those of you unfamiliar with the above term, “Pegging” is the term given to the practice of heterosexual anal intercourse, where the female wears a strap-on dildo to penetrate the male. Now that you know the topic of this article, look at this email we received from a couple:

“My wife and I like to use a strap-on dildo in our play where she is penetrating me. I’ve heard this practice is growing in popularity as evidenced in self-help movies for couples and has even coined a new term called ‘pegging’. I’m interested in hearing your thoughts on this practice.”

Again, here we are with something that is not specifically mentioned in scriptures. We are left to try and decide for ourselves if this practice falls within the category of sin. Does it involve bringing another person into your marriage bed? No, unless you are watching one of those ‘self-help’ movies mentioned above (ie: porn). We have already established that pornography of any kind is sinful in nature, as it does bring other people into our bedrooms, and causes us to lust. Does it involve incest or bestiality? No, it does not. Okay, so let’s take a more in depth look at this practice.

On this blog we have talked about anal stimulation and full blown anal sex. We’ve outlined things you need to take into consideration, discussed what the bible does and does not say, and we’ve cautioned you to weigh all the pros and cons and come to a mutual decision together with your spouse. Should pegging be any different just because the man is on the receiving end?

We have an article on the female G-spot and how you can use that to help reach orgasm. Then we have another on the male prostate, and how it can also help to produce some wonderful orgasms for the men, both directly and indirectly. We talk about toys, and how they can be used to help our sex lives, by using them on both the husbands and the wives. All of these things, when done between married consenting couples, are okay. So now, what about pegging?

Some men have found that they really do enjoy direct prostate stimulation. Wives can use their fingers and/or toys to do this for their husbands. They also have the option of attaching a dildo to a harness and strapping it around themselves, to use on their husbands. When a wife uses a strap on, it frees her hands up so that they can be utilized in other ways, like stroking the penis or caressing the testicles. While this practice may seem a bit…unusual, I have to stop and ask myself, at what point (if any) does this become sin?

So a woman inserting a hand held toy into her husband in the hopes of giving him pleasure is okay. But if she straps that toy to her body in the hopes of giving him that same pleasure, suddenly people start questioning her (their) morals, Christianity, beliefs, sexual orientation, and more. Why?

I’ve heard the following arguments:

“Well it’s just not natural!” Well that toupee that your uncle wears isn’t natural either. And neither is your sister’s blonde hair that she got out of a box.

“Women weren’t meant to function like that!” Well, the mouth is meant to function as something we use to eat with. It chews our food up and aids in the digestion process. Yet many of us use that same mouth for oral sex, even though one could argue that the mouth wasn’t “meant” to function as a receptacle for a penis.

“That is like a complete role reversal and I can’t imagine God being pleased with that!” I would caution any of you who assume to know what God is thinking. Just because you aren’t comfortable with a particular act, does not mean that it’s inherently wrong or sinful.

“Any man who would want that would have to have some hidden homosexual tendencies!” This is just pure rubbish, and again just one big false assumption. I happen to love my own smell and taste, so much so that I would probably give myself oral sex if I were limber enough to do so. 😆 However, the thoughts of being with another woman and tasting her are repulsive and nauseating to me. Just because I am comfortable with my own body and within my own sexuality doesn’t mean that I have lesbian tendencies.

The most basic fact is that men do indeed have a prostate that, when stimulated, can give wonderful sexual feelings and even orgasm. Many couples describe pegging as something that builds onto their intimacy. I’ve heard one man talk about his wife’s willingness and eagerness to do this for him and how it had really brought them closer together and made him feel unconditionally loved. He valued the fact that his wife did not think he was odd for wanting this. They had prayed about it and did not feel the Holy Spirit convicting them against it, so they were at peace with their decision.

We all do need to keep a couple of things in mind though:

1 Corinthians 6:12 (NIV)

12 “Everything is permissible for me”-but not everything is beneficial. “Everything is permissible for me”-but I will not be mastered by anything.

Romans 14:19 (NASB)

19 So then we pursue the things, which make for peace and the building up of one another.

We need to remember that just because something is not technically a sin, that doesn’t mean that it’s necessarily good for us. God calls us to pursue the things that bring us closer to our spouse and to Him. We should be building up each other and concentrating on those things that are edifying for our marriages. There are those of us who have no desire what so ever to try pegging. It would not benefit our marriage. There are also other Christian couples who embrace pegging in their marriage bed. Whether you do or don’t engage in this practice, we all need to remember to be respectful to each other and to refrain from judgment, because we each have our own personal convictions and walk with our Heavenly Father.

I have voiced to my husband that I am open to the possibility if he ever wanted to try this. He has told me absolutely not. He is not into prostate massage and is uncomfortable with the idea of pegging. I dropped the subject and haven’t brought it back up. He made it known how he feels and does not deserve to be pushed into doing something that he is uncomfortable with. Besides, we don’t need pegging to have a hot and spicy marriage bed!

I realize that this can be a controversial or taboo topic, but I have tried to write out my thoughts and feelings on this subject in a balanced way that is in accordance to God’s word. If you and your spouse are considering trying this, then please pray, asking Him to give you clarity.

Q&A: Sexual Significance and Low Sex Drive

1. My husband and I have been married ten years this June. So I am planning to make this tenth year anniversary a little “sexually significant”. I would really appreciate your advice. We have two elementary school age kids.


2. We had a little dent in our marriage and finances in the last couple of years and by God’s grace we are recovering from it. By God’s grace, I recovered quicker than my husband. Under the circumstances, my husband is depressed and lost interest in sex, or rather low in sex drive at the moment. Are there any ideas to make him mad after me? He loves and values me more now, I guess that’s more than enough for me…. but due to his decreased sex drive, I am kind of going out of sorts.

Happy Anniversary!!!!! A great way to make this anniversary more “sexually significant” is to go outside your comfort zone.  It doesn’t need to be anything dramatic.  Try putting a note in his car before he leaves for work and you could title it “The Top 10 Reasons I Love You”.   If you don’t usually touch, then you could try putting on a show for your husband by touching yourself while giving him a nice relaxing massage.  Want to be a bit bolder?   Why not have a seductive dinner in your bedroom and then choreograph a strip dance routine designed just for him?   I hope this short list helps.  I tried to think of activities that would be a nice addition to your husband’s memory bank without the financial burden.

As for the second part of your question, have you two talked about his low sex drive?  Sometimes we get so wrapped up in what’s going on around us that we lose site of the important stuff.  Maybe that is the case with him?  It sounds like your husband knows he is blessed to have you in his life.  Do you let him know how blessed you feel to have him in your life?  Men often feel a tremendous amount of responsibility for providing for the family.  Keep raising him up in prayer.  Let him know how much you value him.    I’ve seen many situations where the husband is a  work-a-holic.  Looking back, I think they became one because that’s where they received the most validation.  Their marriage wasn’t great but they were good at their occupation so that’s where they spent their time.  I know that you didn’t say that your husband is the same but I just want to show you how important it is for them to feel validated.  I wrote a little on this in the article called ‘Sex Object’. I don’t know if all this will make your husband ‘mad after you’ but it can’t hurt.  I think we all have a fire somewhere inside us and it’s just a matter of finding out how to get from smoke to flame.  Do not underestimate the power of prayer.

Thanks for your question.

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