Sneak Attack

When was the last time you did something unexpectedly to your husband?  I am talking about totally blindsiding him?   The move I am going to describe can be done almost anywhere at any time and best of all, it takes no skill what-so-ever.   It is a great way to spice things up without going too far out of your comfort zone.

What could this ultra simple move be that can be done virtually anywhere?  It is simple.  Just sneak up from behind and do whatever comes naturally.  Coming in from a different angle gives your husband different sensations and it also gives you a totally different view than approaching him from the front.  Some ideas to tantalize your man are to take your nails and gently graze his back, starting at the base of his neck, along his shoulders, down his buttocks, and to the back (and inner thigh) of his legs.   He will most likely be putty in your hands at this point.  You can whisper your inner most thoughts into his ear, be as descriptive as you can. 

Don’t be shy about fondling him from this position.  He will receive totally different sensation from your hand grasping his penis at this angle opposed to head on.   The hand placement won’t be totally foreign to him because this is similar to the hand position he would use to masturbate.  You can make it unique by paying attention to other erogenous zones while you are stroking him.   Fondle his testicles from behind, keep grazing his buttocks, or tease his anus if he is into anal play.  These are things he would not be able to do very easily on his own and I guarantee it will drive him wild!!

Easy enough, right?  I am sure some of you already include this move in your bag of tricks but I just wanted to remind you girls that you don’t need to go crazy to spice up your sex life.  I know many women like having face to face contact with their husband.  If that is the case, you can you this as foreplay and then move so that you are face to face or position him in front of a mirror so that you can see his expression.  Remember, changing things up is what helps to keep the fires burning.   Have fun!!

Making Time for Sex

Do you ever feel like your husband approaches you at some very inopportune times or frustrated because days turn into weeks without getting a physical connection with your husband?  If so then it may be time for you to start scheduling times on a calendar for sex.  Many women do not like the idea because they feel that scheduling takes away some of the spontaneity.  I suppose it does to an extent but some aspects can be kept a mystery.  You don’t need to discuss exactly where it will happen or what sex act will take place.  I would much rather lose some spontaneity rather than dealing with the feeling of rejection.  I know that in the past I have dropped hints (that I thought were blatantly obvious) only to find that my husband was clueless to my advances.  This was our beginning stages of me realizing that he truly is not a mind reader.  At the time I was feeling very frustrated and thought he was avoiding me and these feeling could have been avoided with better communication or simple scheduling.  Another scenario where scheduling can help is if your husband approaches you at inopportune times such as when your friend is walking up to your front door so that you can watch her child for her.  Putting things on a schedule assures that we are hearing each other and it is important enough to not let it just fall through the cracks.  It is easy to say no, go about our business and not see how this may be affecting our spouse.  Communication is so very important.  If you have a spouse who wants to be there for you sexually but is having difficulties finding the time, don’t be shy to pull out a calendar or simply make a ‘date’ for later in the day.  Once it is on that calendar it is a visual reminder for both of you and it gives you something to look forward too as well!!  It can be exciting not knowing exactly what will happen on that special, marked day.

Sex Furniture to Enhance Positions

One of the ways to add spice to your sex life is to add in special pieces of furniture which are designed especially for enhancing sex. There are a variety of companies and individuals who have given this some thought and have produced some really great stuff.

Liberator shapes are pieces of furniture specifically designed as sex furniture that allow for certain positions to hit you in just the right spot. They will angle this and elevate that and allow for the positions you have always known to feel a little different. They are built from high quality foam and covered with soft, sensual fabrics. They sell different lines of shapes. Some with restraints, some without. A variety of fabrics and textures. Some of the shapes include the Esse, the Ramp, the Wedge (those two are also sold as a set), the Cube, the Scoop and many other shapes. They also have a nice blanket which is soft velvet on one side and silky satin on the other with an inner layer that is a moisture barrier to keep the fluids, lubes and lotions from getting on your other furniture. If you are looking for this it is called the Fascinator Throe. They also have large cushions and pillows. The greatest problem with Liberator shapes is the cost. They are very pricey and I am convinced that if you have sewing ability, you can make some of them without too much trouble if you can access the high quality foam. So if they appeal to you consider making one yourself or making something like this that one poster spoke of at The Marriage Bed Forums. I haven’t linked to the Liberator site because it contains a lot of nudity. If you wish to go there be forewarned and feel free to find them through a search engine. However one of our affiliate sites does sell Liberator products without nudity, Romance Between the Lines.

Another piece of sex furniture to consider is a sex swing. A sex swing allows you to be strapped in and elevated off the ground. It will most often have padded straps for supporting several areas; back, rear end, legs. It allows for angles and positions that you can’t accomplish without it. (Edited to remove link with nudity.) You can usually find a pretty good one for a little over $50.

Also remember that your house is filled with furniture that you use every day for other purposes that will give you a different angle than your bed. The kitchen table, counter tops, the couch, arm chairs, desks, office chairs, recliners…. Take a walk through your house this week and look at what you have and see if it would make good sex furniture. You might be surprised at what you find. You may not be able to afford Liberator Shapes, but there are lots of other things you can do to spice up positions with the furniture you already have. 😀

Cuddle vs Get Up and Go

We have received multiple inquires about post coital cleanup.  Some husbands are wondering why their wives jump up to clean immediately after instead of cuddling and the women want to know if they are normal for wanting to scrub down.  Many women prefer to clean up immediately after to prevent infections.  Bacteria can be pushed up during intercourse and the best and easiest way to flush it out is to urinate.  Another reason we may feel like cleaning is to prevent our juices from soiling the sheets.  If we just cuddle up then the fluids just slowly seep out and it is not a very comfortable feeling.  (Some women are exceptions to this rule though and they don’t mind their love juices seeping out.  In fact, they may see it as a nice reminder of what has occured.)


Some other options to running to the bathroom are to have some baby wipes or towels ready next to the bed for a quick clean up.  This way it only takes a second and you can continue to bask in the afterglow while cuddling instead of leaving your man all alone in bed.  If you are feeling like a shower, then why not invite your man to join you?  Who knows, this could even lead to a second roll in the hay.  If you are prone to UTI’s then I suggest you continue to urinate post coital.  If someone is leaving the bed to clean up it should not be looked at as them not accepting their spouse they are probably just trying to feel more comfortable or avoid and infection.  If you feel like your spouse is jumping ship to avoid intimacy and put up a barrier then the best thing to do is to have a heart to heart. 

Q&A: Adult Nursing

“I haven’t read anything about lactation erotica.  My hubby is interested in trying it.  I’m not pregnant yet but he said he wanted to test the waters, so to speak, with me to find out if I was okay with it.  I’m not sure what I think.  My hubby is definitely a boob man so maybe it’s no surprise that he’d bring this up.  I just hadn’t thought about it.  I figured once a baby came that “the girls” would be on active duty for the baby and hubby would have to do without.  I guess I’m wrong on this!  Now I’m wondering what it would feel like to give him my milk.  What if he likes it?  What if he likes it a lot (he thinks he will)?  We both know that the baby will come first but it is different to think about.  How do I wean a baby off the breast and keep it for my husband?  Any thoughts would be helpful.  My gut feeling is that if we start with this that it won’t be a temporary thing and that he would want to keep it going as long as possible.  Please tell me I’m not the only one to have to think about this!!!”

No, you are not the only one to think about this. Adult nursing is something that many couples think about and/or try. Once a baby comes, I think it’s perfectly normal for a man to be curious about breast milk. (Especially if he is a ‘boob man’ 😛 ) I have heard of Christian couples who practice this and say that it brings them a great deal of satisfaction. They view it as a type of nurturing between them, and say it adds to their intimacy.

While some of us may think this is odd, I certainly can’t find where the bible speaks against this. I do see where breasts are mentioned to give nutrition to infants, and I also see where breasts are mentioned as sexual organs between a husband and a wife in the Song of Solomon. I also found this scripture:

Proverbs 5:18-20 (New Living Translation)

18 Let your wife be a fountain of blessing for you.
Rejoice in the wife of your youth.
19 She is a loving deer, a graceful doe.
Let her breasts satisfy you always.
May you always be captivated by her love.

It would seem to me, that God is saying that it is okay for a husband and his wife to enjoy her breasts in all their glory. I don’t see any rules or commandments limiting breast play.

There are also some marriages that continue with the adult nursing, even after the baby has been weaned. Just know that this does take work. The breasts need to be suckled several times a day in order to keep lactating. This can be difficult to do with most couples’ schedules. Pumping may help some, but you may become tiresome of the whole thing. It takes a great deal of commitment to continue nursing after the baby has stopped.

As I write this article, I’m reminded of a friend of mine who was nursing her one year old. Her husband complained one morning that they were out of milk for his cereal. She told him to feel free to defrost some of her breast milk and use it! He started acting like he was gagging and such, and they both laughed. He did end up trying it later, out of curiosity, but found he didn’t like it.

Like many other things, this does have the potential to become a fetish, so I would caution you to just be aware of that. Other than that, this seems to be something that you, as a couple, will just need to decide on together. If any of our readers have any experience with this, maybe they will leave a comment or advice for you.

For additional information and support on ANR (Adult Nursing Relationship) check out:  Woman-essence.

Learning to Orgasm through Finger Stimulation

I am wondering if it is possible to learn to orgasm in new ways?  I know it’s possible, but any ideas on how?  I’d love to be able to just with his hands/fingers so that way if we are somewhere not so secluded I still could.  I’ve read from others how they have, but except for a couple positions I tend to not get aroused. It is exciting and almost euphoric but why wasn’t there more?  I know this is wrong that I even know this, but as a teen it would have drove me crazy!  I am only 34…….it surely can’t be my age, can it?



I think that many of us have our “safe positions” that allow  us to achieve orgasm.  When we try to stretch our boundaries we almost need to rewire our brain.  When you are home try to reach orgasm without using a toy so that you can try to ‘train’ your body to respond to touch.  Frustration can be a real mood killer so if you start to feel frustrated then use that safe position or a toy to bring you to orgasm. If you are trying to be intimate in a new setting, such as outdoors, it really takes some focusing on relaxation and shutting out other stimuli.  If you are comfortable touching yourself then I recommend you taking the reigns those first few times.  Either use your own fingers so your husband can see what feels good or put your hand over his and guide them.  Try having your husband whisper exactly what he plans to do to you to keep things simmering.   

Just like everything else, practice makes perfect.  The article called ‘Clitoral Stimulation’ lists some ideas for you or your husband to use for arousal.  Much of what we do in regards to sex is trial and error.  The more you do it the better you be at sensing what arouses you. Keep in mind that the types of orgasms you have may vary depending on where you are in your cycle. I do not think it is an age related issue.  From what I hear things will get better with age because you know what makes you tick.  Just think how much better you will know your body 5 years from now!!


Take My Breath Away

About two years ago I realized something. As I am approaching orgasm I have a tendency to hold my breath. I never planned to. I never made a conscious decision to do it. I assume I’ve done it for years and just never realized it. After I came to this realization, I started paying more attention to my breathing patterns during sex.

Breathing patterns are different for everyone. I’ve heard some people talk about how the best orgasms are those that you breathe deeply through. I did a little research, and there are SO MANY different breathing techniques out there. I tried deep breathing and it just didn’t work for me.

Most of the sources that I’ve read have talked about deep belly breathing. (You former band students know what I’m talking about here.) Many people breathe mostly using their chests. But when you are breathing correctly, it is your tummy that should rise and fall, not your chest. Lie on your bed or sofa and place a book on your belly. Take a slow, deep breath in, to a count of 4 or 5. The book should rise. Then exhale slowly and watch the book fall. This is deep breathing. People into yoga or meditation also do deep breathing exercises. It can help to regulate your heart rate and relieve stress. I’ve also heard it said that men who practice this type of deep breathing have better ejaculatory control, partly due to being more relaxed. Here is an interesting read on how deep breathing exercises can help with premature ejaculation issues.

So this deep breathing is supposed to be erotic during sex. It is supposed to help your body experience all the full feelings of pleasure. It can also help extend your orgasms, or so I’ve heard. The problem for me is that the opposite seems to be true. As my pleasure builds, I find myself holding my breath. It adds…something…to it and many times is what pushes me over the top. I find that holding my breath as orgasm approaches helps to quiet everything in my head, and allows me to focus solely on the pleasure sensations that are building. It works for me.

So I guess we are all different in our breathing patterns during sex. I’m going to try and see if I can experiment some more on deep breathing during my intimate times. It’s very hard for me to change how I normally do things, but I am curious to know if it would indeed feel any different? If I have any major breakthroughs I’ll be sure to come back here and update this blog. In the mean time, I’d love to know if there are any other “breath holders” out there besides me?

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