Giving a Sensual Massage

We’ve talked about giving a sensual massage and mentioned it in several different places on our blog, but I don’t think we have any kind of how-to written about it.  My husband and I have done this for each other a few times, and it’s so nice.  We both really enjoy giving and receiving.  I’m going to outline how I’ve done this for my husband in the past so that any of you who haven’t yet done this can get an idea of how it could go.

It’s important to have a soft and secure environment for this type of thing.  You don’t want interruptions from kids or cell phones.  You want a nice place for him to lie down, and it is a good idea if you protect that place with plastic or an extra blanket that you don’t mind getting massage oils on.  You can easily purchase a cheap shower liner that would work perfectly, if you wanted to drape it over your bed.  Then I’d suggest placing a soft blanket on top of that for your dh to lie on.  This could also be done on the floor/sofa in front of a fireplace, or where ever else you and your dh find to be a soft, sensual, calm environment.

Have a table nearby with everything ready to go.  You will need to decide which type of massage oil you want to use beforehand, and whether or not you want to heat it up a little in the microwave.  I prefer using Coconut Oil myself, and I do melt it in the microwave and make it nice and warm.  Have a bath towel and hand towel available.  If you want to go the extra mile, then have your dh a glass of wine (or his favorite beer) to sip on.  You can also get a satin blindfold (think sleep mask- available at most stores) for him to wear if you want him to really be able to block out the world and heighten his physical touch.  Decide if you want a certain type of music playing in the background.  Decide what you will be wearing (if anything) and what you want the rules to be.  Ex:  He can’t touch you even if he wants to.

Have your dh strip naked and lie face down first.  You can use the bath towel to drape over his rear to start out with.  This isn’t supposed to be overtly sexual, just sensual, and you don’t want to distract yourself too early!  Drizzle some oil on his shoulders& neck.  Start massaging at his neck and move outward to his shoulder and all the way down his arm into his hand and each individual finger.  Don’t rush…take your time and really apply enough pressure to work his muscles over.  Repeat on the other shoulder, arm, hand.

Then go back to his shoulders and start working your way down his back (applying more oil when necessary).  Make sure you span his entire back, including his sides.  It may be helpful to straddle him and sit on his rear.  At this point you can remove the towel and drizzle oil on his bottom.  If you were straddling him then simply move down to his legs as you start to massage his buttocks.  It’s up to you how intimate you want to make this part.

After placing the towel back over his bum, move to his legs and you are going to do them one at a time just as you did his shoulders & arms.  Start with one thigh and work your way down to his calf, ankle, foot, and toes.  Be careful if he is ticklish…you don’t want to ruin the aura!  Repeat with his other leg.

This would be the intermission.  Offer him some of his wine/beer/cheese and tell him you are ready for him to flip over so that you may work on his front.  Replace the bath towel over his yummy bits.

Do the exact same thing you did to his back side, to his front side.  You may want to start off with his face though, gently massaging his facial muscles and ears.  Move to his neck and down both arms.  Massage his chest and belly, being careful to not tickle.  If your dh has an area of his body that is just extremely ticklish then you may need to skip that area.

At this point I would advise that you massage all around his yummy bits, but do not remove the towel and do not touch him.  It may be better to use a smaller hand towel on him now, so that you can massage his upper thigh areas better.  If you want to ‘accidentally-on-purpose’ allow your hand to graze by his penis that’s up to you, but try to work on finishing the massage before delving fully into sexual acts!  Work down both front legs all the way to his toes, just like you did from the back.  At this point his whole body should feel nice and relaxed.

It’s at this point where you can remove his blindfold if he has one on.  You can also remove your clothes if you have any one.  If you have decided that this will end with just a massage then his session is over.  If you have decided that you want this to end with a sexual encounter, then now is the time to move over into that arena.  You can then straddle him and remove the towel covering his loins.  Drizzle more oils on him and start working your magic on his manhood.  I’m sure you two can take it from here.

Of course you can change up any of this that you need to in order to suit your needs.  I’ve found that I have one very satisfied husband when I finish.  And of course, your husband can also follow the same steps and return the favor to you either on the same night (if you decided on a couple’s massage) or on a totally different night.  If any of you decide to do this, please let us know how it goes!

God Bless the TV In Our Bedroom!

I know you are probably sitting there with a confused look on your face, wondering about the title of this article, but bear with me here!  Let me start at the beginning…

Okay, so my dh and I have never had a TV in our bedroom.  Don’t let that fool you though, because we are both movie addicts.  That was part of the attraction when we were teens, was that we were both so into movies.  It wasn’t unusual for us to go see three movies at the theatre every weekend.  Dramas, comedies, action, thrillers, historical fiction, military, horror, and our favorite…Human Interest!  After we married, we would rent several movies each week and get snacks and snuggle under a blanket together to watch them.  We joked to others that we bonded over movies, but in reality it was the truth.  Our shared sense of humor and taste in genres was a perfect match!

Well here we are two kids later and we have never had a tv in our bedroom.  (I mean, we’ve all heard countless speakers talk about how tv’s shouldn’t be in your bedroom anyway, right?)  Our “movie viewing” times are few and far between because although our big screen tv in the den is nice, our kids are middle-school age now and have a later bedtime.  Our ‘alone time’ in the den is almost non-existent.  When you add that to our busy schedules, it puts us into a rut!

Enter the new bedroom TV!  I decided all on my own that I wanted to get the satellite hooked up in the bedroom finally.   When I told my dh about it, he said “Well, if we’re going to get a tv for the bedroom then we might as well get a really good one!”  (He is of the “you should only spend your money once” mindset.)  So off we went and came home with a really nice big tv for our bedroom.  The next day the satellite man came out and hooked us up with our new TIVO receiver.  And since then, things have been great!  No, seriously… we haven’t had this much sex in a long time!

I had no idea what impact getting a tv in our bedroom would have on our sex lives.  It certainly wasn’t planned.  Since we now have a tv in there, we shower and cuddle in bed (ie: alone, away from said kids) while watching our movies or shows.  And that leads to massages and fondling and petting and kissing and… well, you know 😉

I noticed this phenomenon first but said nothing.  About a month after we had the tv my husband noticed it and asked me if I realized how much sex we’d been having lately! 😆

So there you go.  My story of how adding a tv in our bedroom (after 18 yrs of marriage) helped to spice things up for us!  Who knew?!  I think that this just goes to show that there are exceptions to every rule, and the next time we hear a preacher or speaker talk about how televisions have no place in the bedroom… we’ll just keep our thoughts to ourself. 😉

Q&A: Flirting

What do you all do to flirt with your husbands to lead to sex
or to simply flirt to show playfulness and interest in him still?

I thought this would be a fun discussion. I really believe that flirting throughout the day is important. It helps me to be mindful of my husband as more than just another being in our home when he and I take the time to be playful and affectionate.

How do you define flirting? To me it is being intentional about giving subtle cues that you want your spouse to draw close to you. Is your husband going to catch every cue. Probably not. Please don’t be upset by that. Flirting is a playful, fun game. Like yesterday at dinner my husband and I ended up sitting on the same side of the table. This doesn’t usually happen, but our kids had set up their own little kids’ table so we were able to sit side by side. At one point I said something and rubbed his inner thigh and then took my hand away. He grabbed my hand and brought it back. It worked, but not every cue is received, even the more obvious ones sometimes.

So what kind of flirting have you discovered to be enjoyable and effective? Hand holding. Undoing a button on your shirt. Leaving a note for him to find during the day. What flirting ideas have you enjoyed the most and which ones get results? Do you find that there are things which your husband does that work to make you draw close to him, but that don’t work so well when you do the same for him? Which things work for both of you?

I liked how the question which sparked this discussion was phrased. If you are a couple who enjoys flirting, do you reserve it primarily as immediate foreplay or is it sprinkled in throughout the day? For me, flirting during the day can be the difference between a night of sex or not. It’s that important. It’s important for me to see him doing it and it’s important for me to be intentional about doing it for him too.

So what do you think? I’d love to hear what you all have enjoyed most in your flirtatious acts towards your husband.

Preparing Your Treasure Chest

“I’m getting married this august 14th and I want to put something together for my fh for our wedding night. we’re both virgins, but I struggle with self-confidence.   My idea is to get a decorative storage trunk from hobby lobby and use it to store our sex stuff–for lack of better wordage. I’d use it to store my lingerie and general sex-related stuff for us (lube, lotions, towels/washclothes…cuz I’m one of those virgins who never knew about sex to be messy…until after reading an article on here) anyway….i’m just posting on here about this because, those are basically all the ideas i have :-/ and i’m not very imaginative and have barely begun looking into starting this….not to mention kind of hesitant (no doubt part of my self-consciousness :P) but yes, would you mind helping me out thinking of ideas for things for me to put in this box? I really want to be confident in myself for my fh on our wedding night! 🙂 “

You have a nice list of stuff already!  Good job!  What a creative thing to do!  Okay, so let’s run with this!  Lets start with a basic storage chest type of thing, and brainstorm some items that couples can put into the trunk for after the wedding day…

  • Lingerie/robes for husband and wife
  • Two different types of lube (you’ll need silicone based for shower/bath/hot tub sex!)
  • Satin/Silk sheets (you may or may not like these)
  • Hand towel or wash cloths (for clean up)
  • Gum and/or Mints (chewing gum is good in between marathon sex rounds and keeps your breath fresh smelling!)
  • Candles & a lighter (romantic lighting to set the mood)
  • Massage oils & towels & body massager to help work those muscles (giving each other a body massage is very intimate and may be needed if you are too sore for penetration one day)
  • Devotional book (read one each morning together over breakfast)
  • Marital Intimacy Book (read a chapter each night together)
  • iPod (or CD) full of songs that are romantic and good for love making! (remember portable speakers if you need them)
  • Bottle of wine or sparkling cider and two glasses
  • Snacks you both like (hey, you will be working up an appetite 😆 )
  • Feathers or silk scarves (if you think those things would be nice)
  • Vibrator or toy if you know ahead of time that you are both okay with using such items.  (this may need to be for after the honeymoon ?)
I bet our readers can think of many more things that could be put in that chest.  Okay ladies… help me brainstorm some more items.  What else could couples stick into their “Treasure Chest” for the honeymoon (and even afterward!)  Leave your wonderful ideas in the comment section!

Pet Names

“My hubby likes me to call him Daddy and he calls me Baby Girl, and My Girl when we are in bed … I am okay with it mostly, but I have had people question its appropriateness … implying there is something REALLY WRONG with it.  What do you think?”

First of all, I’d have no problem in telling those friends to butt out.  It’s my marriage and my husband and whatever pet names we choose to call each other is my business.  They can keep their judgments to themselves or hit the road.  (That’s just the way I roll 😆 )  You may not be as bold or you may not want to come off so rude, or you may care too much about their friendships to risk losing them.  So how you handle your friends is up to you.

For further insight though… experience may play a key role here.  Others may have some major issues with this because of past trauma or abuse.  Imagine the woman who was molested as a child by a ‘father figure’ or the woman who was beaten by an abusive husband and made to call him “daddy.”   The thoughts of calling their now husband “daddy” may be the furthest thing from their minds.  It could be revolting for them, and they may not understand at all how you could find that to be a ‘normal loving pet name’ for your dh.  So I would try and be aware of and sensitive to my friends’ situations.

As far as the issue of pet names goes… again that is between you and your husband.  I think it’s totally fine.  I call my dh “daddy” all the time because that is what I call him around the kids “Go ask daddy.”  “Daddy, can you make him a PB sandwich?”  That type of thing.  So even when the kids are gone I will sometimes call him that out of habit (and yes, I’ve used that term in bed a few times too…not as if I’m calling him my daddy, but just calling him that because he is the daddy of our children and that’s his role).  If you and your husband find those pet names to be loving towards each other then don’t allow others to rob you of your joy.  Just my opinion 🙂

Ripped Panties (A Tutorial)

One thing that can be really passionate in the bedroom is having your husband RIP your panties off of you just before you make love.  But sometimes the fabrics are too hard to rip and sometimes your panties are too expensive to throw away!  If you are interested in adding this spice to your bedroom, then listen up to some quick and easy tips that will make it easy for you and your husband!

First off, you need to find some sexy panties (thongs work the best but any kind will do) really cheap.  Make sure that you KNOW they will fit you well, and then buy lots of them.  I found some lacy thongs on sale one time for $1/each.  There were just tons of thongs all thrown on a large display table in the middle of the lingerie dept.  I think I bought 25 or so that day!

Now, once you get home, put a pair on and stand in front of the mirror.  Imagine that you and your husband are making out and you want him to be able to just RIP those panties off of you so that you two can make passionate love!  In order to make it easier for him (and to make sure that he doesn’t hurt you in the process) you need a pair of fingernail clippers or scissors.  A knife will work but fingernail clippers or scissors work better.

You start out with a pair of panties.

Mint Green Thong

Then you want to cut one side of them to the point that they are just holding together by a couple of strings.  It makes a very discreet cut that is barely noticeable.

Top left side cut.

Thongs are the easiest, but you can also do the same exact thing to other types of panties.  Here is a pair of black lacy boyshorts:


I cut them from the bottom up to the top, because I will need the waistband to help them stay on me.  I did it on the left side because my husband is right handed.

Cut up the left side.

But I did cut part of the waist band and left it hanging on by just a couple of strings, so that it would be easy for my husband to rip them off of me:

Up close view of cut.

Doing the above steps will still allow you to wear your undies on your date or special night.  You just leave enough of a waistband to hold them on you.  But you cut enough of them to make it easy for your husband to rip them off you in the heat of the moment.

What would be fun is to do the above steps without telling your husband.  (you may want to make a cut on the left and right sides to make sure that whatever side he grabs will rip) Then when things are heating up , you simply tell him something like “Rip off my panties and take me now!”  (or something to that effect) and see if he’ll really try to rip them off of you!  Won’t he feel pretty studly after doing that!

Or, of course you can tell him that you found this tutorial on CN and that you’d like to try it sometime and see how it works.  This could easily fit in with pre-arranged positions and such too.  For example, if you know that your husband loves to turn you over and take you from behind, then you can cut your panties in the back, so that he can turn you over and then rip them off of you from behind!

Just another little thing I thought I’d throw your way.  Try it and see how it works for you, and if you have any other tips or tricks for this type of thing, then leave your suggestions in the comment box for the rest of us!

Naked Time

Do you ever get any “naked time” with your husband? I’m not talking about sex. I’m talking about time that you are just naked together. You know…hanging out, cooking dinner, watching TV, playing a board game, etc. Most of us who have small children probably don’t get much naked time together, and I’d be willing to bet that most of you don’t even think about it much either.

Sometimes when our kids go to bed at night, I’ll strip down on the sofa and get under a blanket with my husband. We’ll watch a movie together that way. He rarely gets naked with me, although sometimes he’ll surprise me and walk through the house, to the kitchen, naked just to hear me giggle. I’d love to be able to cook dinner nude, except for an apron (I just bought a new one for just this reason!) but having the kids makes it hard. But boy, just think about all the meals I can cook naked once our kids are off to college! 😆

I’m thinking of asking my husband to have a naked night with me soon. That would entail putting the kids to bed, and then just stripping down naked for the remainder of the night. It’s a strange feeling to walk around the house in the buff, and I think we’d both get a kick out of it! The summer time is perfect for this too. 💡 Maybe we could call grandma and have her watch the kids for us one night! Dinner naked, dessert and coffee naked, clean up naked, watching a movie together naked, playing a card game naked, getting in the pool naked, etc.

I think it would surprise my husband if I actually went through with a naked night. So I’ll have to give this some serious thought. If I ever do go through with it, I’ll come back and post a comment here. In the mean time, do you ever have naked time with your husband?

The Importance of Thinking Sex

It may surprise you that although the CN girls are all focused on loving our husbands well and building deep intimacy in our marriages, some of us still sometimes have trouble keeping our drive up. I am one of them. If I get distracted because life gets busy or if  I expend too much energy on other things, it is easy for me to find myself struggling with a lower drive. And in my marriage my husband is the same way. If he is under a lot of stress or distracted by life he also finds that his drive is lower.

The best trick I have learned for changing the downward spiral in sex drive to an upward spiral is to make it a priority to think sex. Assuming that my husband is loving me well, because this is not as easy if I am feeling unloved, sometimes sexual arousal begins with a choice. A choice to think about your husband in a sexual way. If you find yourself in a place of apathy towards sex it really helps to focus your mind on sex with your husband. You might be going through your day caring for your kids and taking care of life, but if you take a moment to think ahead to the evening when you have the house or your room to yourself it can really help. Think about snuggling on the couch to watch TV or however you tend to spend your evenings at home and take it a step further to mentally choose that once you are there you are going to be an active participant in whatever happens.

After you have made this choice, it’s a really good idea to communicate what you are thinking to your husband so he can be involved in meeting you where you are at and you can journey through this mental foreplay together. Email, text or call him and let him know that you are looking forward to being with him in the evening. He’ll enjoy being involved in the process.

It may not sound as romantic as being swept away in emotional attraction, but if the alternative is continuing to allow yourself to be satisfied with less sex than is healthy for your marriage, thinking sex is a really good way to refocus you on sexual intimacy.

What Kind of Kisser Are You?

“Tom and Mary sitting in a tree.  K-I-S-S-I-N-G!”   Remember that rhyme from elementary school?  I remember being young and wondering what kissing was like.  For most of us, I think that first kiss is magical, but unfortunately they aren’t all like that!  I’ve been thinking lately of all the different ways to kiss, and how I like to kiss and how I like my husband to kiss me.  All of this thinking led to me coming up with my own different categories of kissers.  So humor me and read Cumingirls Kissing Categories, and see which one you are:

The Stoic kisser is one who likes closed mouth kisses.  She likes simple pecks and nothing too passionate.  Tongue is definitely out.

The Poser likes open mouth kisses, but doesn’t like to use tongue.  It looks passionate and involved from the outside, but on the inside there is no action to speak of.

The Teaser likes to plant soft, feathery kisses on her husband’s mouth and face.  Kisses so gentle that her spouse can barely feel it.  It leaves him wanting more.

The Uninvolved kisser doesn’t mind having her spouse give some tongue action, but she herself is mainly motionless.

The Nibbler likes to use teeth.  Frequently she will nibble on one of her husband’s lips while kissing.  She thinks love nips are sensual.

The Fencer likes to have full-fledged tongue duels.  The more tongue action the better, and she wants lots of reciprocation from her spouse!

The Miner may seem sometimes as if she is digging for gold.  She may be able to tell how many cavities her husband has because of all her poking and prodding!

The Sloppy Kisser is a bit of a mess when it comes to kissing.  Sometimes there is excess drool and most of the time both parties will need to wipe their face afterward. 😆

The Chaotic kisser is all over the place with no rhyme or reason to her madness.  She doesn’t seem to have a rhythm or pattern and the husband is often unsure how to respond exactly, so he just lets her go wild.

The Romantic kisser is tender, loving, and involved.  At times she takes things slow and easy, but she knows when to turn up the heat and knock his socks off.  Her unbridled passion is shown through her kisses.

So, did you see yourself in one of those categories?  What about your husband?  I shared this list of categories with my husband and we discussed which category we thought the other was in.  My husband says that every so often I am a Nibbler or a Teaser, but more often than not I am a Romantic kisser.  What about you?

Q&A: “Submit-Date”

“If anyone here watches a certain daytime talk show host who is mega wealthy.  She had a two-part show with a so-called sexpert on who had a neat idea.  A “submit date” for a lack of better terms.  She was counseling a dominant female and a submissive male, not in an S&M sense but more in an extrovert introvert sense.  The couple had to go on a date where the man chose everything down to what the lady wore out for the evening and she had to let him.  I was just wondering if any of you saw it and what your thoughts were on this.  My wife is a real planner and I do that kind of thing for a living so when I get home I often do not feel like making a lot of decisions.  She and I have been talking about going on one of these dates ever since.  We think it may be interesting if only for the fact that it would get both of us out of our comfort zone and change up the routine. What are your thoughts?  Any ideas on how to make this fun?”

First of all I do not watch that mega wealthy daytime talk show host.  However, a ‘submit date’ sounds very intriguing!  Surely we can think of some ideas to go along with this!  Let’s look at a ‘submit date’ and come up with a list of things that the dominant spouse could get to decide on:

  • Day and time of date
  • Childcare arrangements
  • Attire for both of you
  • Whether or not you will wear undies or lingerie under clothes
  • Vehicle to use
  • Music to listen to in vehicle
  • Dinner reservations or arrangements
  • What you both will eat
  • Where you go after dinner
  • What movie you see
  • Who will drive
  • Whether cell phones are allowed on date
  • When sex will happen on date
  • Where sex will happen on date
  • What positions will be used
  • Who gets to orgasm first
  • How many times sex will happen
  • Sexual techniques
  • If you shower together beforehand or afterward

Oh the ideas could be endless!  I am a planner.  I like things to be organized and planned well in advance, so for me to hand over the ‘power’ so to speak, to my husband, would be… a huge step for me.  That would definitely be out of my comfort zone.  In fact, he probably wouldn’t believe me if I told him I’d be willing to do this! 😆

If any of you get the courage to try out a date such as this, please write in and let us know how it goes!  I’d love to hear from people who have gone through with it.  Maybe you could share some tips with the rest of us!

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