Domination Play

When someone mentions a “dominatrix,” what does your mind conjure up?  For most people, it’s a woman donned in black leather or vinyl lingerie, black stiletto thigh high boots, and she’s carrying a whip.  Was this similar to what you were thinking?  Some people do live a life that revolves around hard-core domination and a BDSM type of lifestyle.  They may or may not dress that way.  For the purposes of this article we will not be talking about using domination as a fetish, as people in BDSM do.  So let me go ahead and say that I do not agree with any lifestyle or sexual inclination involving pain or humiliation.

Now that we have that out of the way… Domination play can be fun!  How would it feel ladies, to turn the tables on your darling husband?  Take a minute to think about it, especially you women out there who are usually very quiet and mild mannered.  Think about this scenario:  Your husband comes home from work one day to find you cooking dinner like usual, except that there is something slightly different, and at first he can’t put his finger on it.  You greet him with a kiss and as you hug him you say into his ear:  Tonight you’re mine… and then you gently bite his earlobe.  You go finish cooking and for the rest of the evening, whenever you pass him you grope him or give him a very sly look.  Once the kids are in bed, you tell him that you expect him in the bedroom in five minutes, and then you disappear into the bedroom yourself.  When he comes looking for you, you shut the door and lock it, push him up against the wall, and kiss him passionately.  You start undressing him.  He attempts to help but you swipe his hands away and tell him “No” pretty firmly.  You look him in the eyes and tell him that this night will go exactly as you want it to go, and you ask if he understands.  You undress him (and have fun doing it) and then you tell him to undress you…slowly.  He obeys and when he is finished you push him to the bed and straddle his face so that he can pleasure you.  (Of course you pleasure him too.)  Throughout the rest of the night you give orders and assert yourself, all the while making sure that your husband is enjoying what is happening.  You call the shots.  You decide on the positions.  You say when it ends.

Think you could do something like that?  Of course that is just a basic outline, and it can be changed to suit you and your husband, but the whole point is to get you to think about taking charge for once.  How do you think your husband would react to a situation like above?  Do you think it would be a turn on?  Would he wonder what had possessed his normally demure wife?

To many men, a woman who isn’t afraid to take control every once in a while is a good thing.  Having a wife who knows how to assert herself sometimes is a big turn on!  I mean, think about it.  If you are always the quiet natured ‘good girl’ and you are always letting him initiate and having him dictate how things go, then don’t you think he may grow tired of having to fill that role?  Constantly having to be the predator can just plain get old.  Take this recent email for example:

“My wife and I found your website and just love it!  It has really helped us break out of a rut and enjoy our love life more, and we have been encouraged to try new things that have drawn us closer.  One question we had is about light domination, or role-reversal play.  My wife is not exactly a dominatrix by nature, but she’s curious about it and I would just love for her to take a little control and assert herself, in the bedroom and out.  My gorgeous wife being dominant is just very appealing and sexy to me, but we don’t know if this crosses any lines.  Does this go against biblical teaching on the roles of husband and wife?”

Here is a husband who wants his wife to step up and take the reins sometimes!  And no, I don’t believe this goes against any biblical teachings.  God did say that the husband’s body is not his alone, but also belongs to his wife!  So as long as the husband and wife mutually consent to a little domination play, then have some fun!  You could even purchase an outfit as described in the opening paragraph if you want to!  Stilettos can be useful in many situations 😉

So ladies out there, I just wanted to leave you with something new to ponder this week.  Think about a little domination play, and if you think your husband would like it.  You don’t have to do the scenario I laid out.  You can come at it from any angle you think of.  Have fun!

Dirty & Messy!

Okay, here we go.  Talking about dirty and messy sex!  You may be sitting there wondering what exactly it is that I’m hinting at here.  After all the other topics that we’ve covered on this blog, what could possibly be dirty?

Do you remember that book where the husband and wife were painting a room, and then they kissed and accidentally got paint on each other.  Then the next thing you know they are rolling around on the tarp making out and not caring where the paint goes?  Maybe you didn’t read that book.  Okay, well how about the movie Ghost?  You remember the scene with Patrick Swayze and Demi Moore where they are making pottery together on the spinning wheel, and their hands connect on the clay, and then their hands end up all over each other?  They didn’t stop to go shower first.  They just let it happen.  Ahhh, they were in love…

I think the closest to “dirty sex” that we’ve ever came, was on the beach.  Boy, when we were finished, we had sand in places that did not need sand!  When it comes to getting down and dirty, I tend to think that maybe the movies (and books) tend to make it sound so much more glorious than it would really be in real life.  I know that if my husband and I tried doing the paint thing, I would be wondering the entire time how I was going to get that Dutch Boy Cat’s Eye Green out of my hair!  (Maybe I’m just too practical?)

Oh I know there are edible body paints just for this purpose, but I can’t seem to get motivated to even try those!  I think that part of the passion and allure and romance of these silly movies is that the couple wasn’t planning on making love.  It just happened, and instead of freaking out over it, they just let it happen and decided to deal with the consequences (like paint or mud in their hair) afterwards.  And then we women sit here thinking how romantical it is on the screen.  (Yes, I realize I just made that word up.)

We did recently get an email related to this subject:

“My husband and I are wanting to try oil wrestling together. What types of oils would you recommend? I’m having trouble finding ones that are ok to use while having sex that would feel good all over and create a shiny slick skin.”

Well, I know that we here at CN tend to talk about Coconut Oil a lot.  There is a reason for that.  It is amazing!  I’m sold on coconut oil.  We have used it before to give each other an all over body massage, and it was divine!  Afterward we did make love while we were both coated in it and it was such a unique experience!  The coconut oil does give you both very slick skin.  If you have candle light, or a fireplace,  then your bodies will shine or glisten.    I mentioned this in my article:  Sexual Play Using Coconut Oil.


I’ve heard other people talk of spreading a waterproof mattress cover over their bed, and then going to town with different foods and sauces.  While that may seem like a fun idea to many, it really doesn’t appeal to me very much.  I mean goodness, think of all the clean up afterwards!  And I can’t tell you what I’d do if chocolate sauce dripped on my beige carpet ❗   We’ve tried the whole “whipped cream” angle before, and it didn’t do much for us either.  I guess we are just one of those couples where food and sex don’t mix.

So… dirty sex.  Do you like it, or are you like me?  Have you ever had an experience where you and your husband were covered in, say… chocolate pudding perhaps, and you think that was the most passionate time you’ve ever had?  If so, maybe I could learn a few things from you!  For now I guess I’ll just stay in my own little safe world, where things like paint and pudding do not go anywhere near penises  😆

Oh, and if you have any other suggestions for our couple who wrote in wanting to try oil wrestling, then leave your advice in the comment box!

Spanking, For Pleasure?

We have heard from several of you, asking about spanking. “Is it okay that I like this?” “Is it wrong for Christians to do?” “How do you feel about spanking?” Well, that kind of depends. If spanking is being used as a form of discipline or punishment, (as sometimes seen in the “Domestic Discipline” lifestyle) then I do not agree with it. That is a separate article in itself and will be addressed at a later time. If the spanking has become a fetish, then again I start to have red flags going up in my head. We will also have an article devoted to fetishes at a later date. But for the sake of this article, let’s just talk about the occasional, consensual swat to the backside during foreplay or sex between a husband and a wife.

Many couples have discovered that the occasional “spank” can be a turn on, and why not? There are many things that we do during foreplay, such as kissing, caressing, rubbing, nibbling, licking, stroking, massaging, etc. All of those things feel good to us, and arouse us. Some women are also very aroused to feel a half-hearted smack to the rear, or a smack and massage to the buttocks. It can add to the excitement and get the adrenaline pumping!

There are sexual positions that allow for it as well. Woman on top is a good one, where the husband’s hands can easily wrap around to the wife’s bum. Reverse cowgirl may be another one. And, of course, there is rear entry, where the wife’s hinny is right there for the taking! Don’t forget that we women can dish it out too! Missionary or CAT position are both nice positions where our hands can wrap around and reach our husband’s posterior.

Giving a “love tap” from time to time does need to be mutually agreed upon by both spouses. It is not a positive experience when a husband does this to a wife that isn’t expecting it, or vice versa. So make sure that you are communicating your desires and expectations to each other. If one of you is uncomfortable with this, then don’t pursue it.  There are several reasons why a person may not like this kind of play.

I’ll end this article with one word of caution. Make sure that you both are able to fully enjoy sex without feeling a need to spank. If you have to use the spanking in order to become aroused or enjoy sex, then you are crossing over to the fetish arena, and that isn’t healthy. So as long as you both feel the freedom to experience this or not experience this, when you make love, then have fun!

The Humor In Sex

When is the last time you laughed during sex? For me, it was two days ago. My husband followed me into my walk-in closet and closed the door behind us. I laughed as he told me that we had not ever done the deed in my closet before. I then giggled some more as we went about trying to find positions that would accommodate us in my cramped closet! 😆

I personally think that a healthy sex life should have some degree of humor in it. I’m not saying that you should laugh every time you do it. I do realize that there are times for serious emotional lovemaking. However, there is something to be said about the couple that is able to occasionally let loose, and not take themselves so seriously all the time.

I treasure those times when my husband is playful with me. And he loves it when I’m in an adventurous mood! Trying new positions is one thing that will usually get us laughing. Sometimes the positions just don’t quite work out the way we think they should, and we end up rolling with laughter!

Other things that have gotten us to laugh have been costumes and role-playing stuff. I remember once, when my husband even wrote me a short script. Every time I got to this one particular line, I started laughing so hard, and couldn’t stop. It took several “takes” for me to say it halfway right. We have it on video, and now when we watch it, we giggle and remember how much fun that was.

I could go on and on and on here, listing tons of examples of when we have laughed in our bedroom. Those are special times between us that we’ll never experience with anyone else. That is the beauty of marriage. But I would love to hear from any of you out there. What role does humor play in your marriage bed? How often do you laugh with your spouse behind closed doors?

Take It All Off Babe!

Okay, so recently on The Marriage Bed, there was a thread entitled: Strip Tease…Husband for Wife. That thread is full of good ideas, but one post in particular stood out to us. We have gotten permission from TMB poster Seekryt to copy and paste what she said onto our blog for our readers to see. So without further adieu, here are Seekryt’s tips for you husbands out there thinking about stripping for your wife:

“Ok, this is making me blush, so if anyone has issues, DON’T READ IT! just in case it makes you blush, too. This is what would do it for me, and what I’ve seen others do.

Do a couple push ups first, (not as part of the strip, a few minutes beforehand) to get the blood flowing – very little is as attractive as a DH who’s a little sweaty and has lots of blood flowing to those muscly bits.

Lots of eye contact.

Grease up with lots of CO beforehand – get some light shining off those muscles.

Move slowly. Not undress slowly, but move slowly – men stripping is a lot more about posturing. Think a little more “bodybuilding” show, rather than “Flashdance”

Smile knowingly, looking right in her eyes. If it was me, I’d be blushing like crazy, not sure where to look – let her know with your eyes that it’s ok for her to be looking right at YOU.

Try to flex a lot, or put yourself in positions where you’re “posturing”. Hands linked, behind your head; holding your jacket or shirt over your shoulder with one hand, that kind of thing.

Grind your pelvis tons – slow slow slow. Not like a lady would; spread your legs apart, about the width of your shoulders, and move your hips in a circle.

Get your business up in her face.

Make sure to turn around – she wants to see your buns! Take time to move your shoulders around, let her see you moving.

Wear something cute, like those Armour undies – thongs are cute on guys, but hairy bums are funny Mr. Green Ok, maybe you’re a thong guy, in which case, go for it.

Have a follow up planned! After she’s all warmed up and drooling, do something with it! You’re showing off your strength, here, maybe carry her upstairs…”

We think this is an EXCELLENT list of things for the men to keep in mind! So now we’d like to hear from you ladies out there. If your husband was thinking of stripping for you, what would you like to see him do? What would turn you on?

Simply Romantic Nights

If you can believe it, we receive something of a sex game from my husband’s parents as a gift recently. It surprised me a bit and my nympho friends teased me that my in-laws knew me too well, but as it turns out I think it’s going to be a lot of fun!

It’s called Simply Romantic Nights and is put out by Family Life Today. The box contains a short booklet which explains the game and establishes a godly foundation for understanding their premise in approaching the game. As well, there are men’s and women’s sealed envelopes which is the main part of the game. In each envelope is a romantic, sexy date to experience together that will foster intimacy and romance. The husband and wife take turns planning the date for their spouse.

I will give you an example. The envelop I opened read “Come Away to the Caymans” For Simply Romantic Wives on the outside. Inside were instructions on recreating a tropical getaway in your bedroom, complete with ideas on how to build anticipation, a thematic recipe, ideas on how to set the stage using all five senses, and how to make the evening special. There are a total of 24 envelopes so depending on how often you use them it could be something fun to add in once a month or so and last for years. I noticed that the publishers have created a sequel as well which may be interesting to check out.

This game is going to be a nice thing we can use to spice up our date nights and allow us to do something creative together. I am looking forward to planning our tropical getaway and surprising my husband one night.

I would recommend this game for couples who like trying new things and want to add a new dynamic to their marriage bed. Not having actually tried it yet, I give Simply Romantic Nights 4 pepper hearts. Update will follow in the coming months as we work through some of the activities.

Eating Seductively


I am going to make a list of words and I want you to say, to yourself or out loud, what basic human need I am describing.  Ready?  Here we go hunger, appetite, craving, spice, heat………..OK, what’s the first thing to pop into your head?  Sex?  Food?  Both of these needs can be described with similar, if not identical words.  My girl, Sugar and Spice, has already made a post on aphrodisiacs and I’m going to talk more about eating in a seductive manner.

If you are trying to seduce your husband my first words of advice is to loose the silverware and stick mainly to finger foods.  There is something highly erotic about licking the juices off  your lips or fingers.  Imagine yourself placing a piece of juicy fruit into your husband’s mouth and then slowly and deliberately licking/sucking your own fingers.   If you want to start off with something easy you could always begin by eating something phallic shaped.  A banana, popsicle, celery, asparagus …..many foods are phallic shaped.  Take some cherries or grapes and dangle them over your mouth while your tongue plays with them or gently suck on one of them.  I guarantee that your husband will need to pick his jaw up off the floor.  Whipped cream, frosting, chocolate sauces are all fun to play with.  Just dribble them at a desired location and have yourself a yummy treat and a very happy hubby.   

I could go on and on with the possibilities because I believe that every food can be eaten in a seductive manner.  It’s mostly the attitude you have while you are consuming your food.  Look at your husband and talk with your eyes.  You may not even need to say a word for him to interpret your look as you saying “I am pretending this food is really you that I am eating and you taste delicious”.   You could even suck on a straw in a way that gets his fire going.

Try thinking outside the box and use your imagination to help yourself think and feel sexy.  It doesn’t take much for my imagination to kick into gear.  I was watching my husband pay bills one day.  Suddenly he looked up at me while licking an envelope and I could not for the life of me take my eyes off of him.  I sat there all eager for him to start licking the stamps.  I think those self adhesive envelopes and stamps are two of the worst things invented.   Thank God we will always have ice cream cones.


Going Commando


The term going commando originally caused me to have visions of Arnold Schwarzenegger. I quickly learned that this term merely meant that you were not wearing any underwear. Some other terms that mean the same thing are ‘going indian’, ‘free balling’ (this term is for men seeing that we don’t own any balls to set free), and free buffing.

I do not go commando 100% of the time. When I do it does help me feel sexier. Once in awhile I may ‘forget’ to put my underwear on which then leads to me confessing to my husband. This can really drive him crazy depending on where we are or what we are doing. Try removing your underwear in the ladies room, discreetly put them in your husband’s pocket and see what happens. Sometimes I go without telling him that I am underwear free and he figures it out soon enough with the touch of his hand. Some people choose to go commando 100% of the time. Cummingirl mentioned not wearing panties in her Ben Wa Balls: A Toy Review. If I remember correctly her ben wa balls did fall out at one point so there you go, woman are capable of freeing there balls. 😉

Sleeping nude is a very common practice. The benefits are that it keeps air circulating, improving fertility in men, increases physical intimacy with your spouse, and it helps us relax. Remember that we entered this world naked and probably preferred to be naked as toddlers as well. It’s a natural state.

That being said, I usually do need to wear something to bed. I have trained myself to feel more comfortable that way. I think I will change my ways after reading all these benefits of sleeping in the buff. In my investigating of this subject I have found that being naked can stop perspiration, therefore decreasing body order. Not restrict blood vessels, which cut down on developing varicose veins. I’m all about smelling good and making my legs look as attractive as they can. Oh, look at the time. I need to get ready for bed. I can’t wait for my husband to experience his ‘morning wood’ while he is free balling. Ahhh, good times!! Hasta la vista, baby!!



I’m lying in the sand. The sun is beating down upon my naked back and legs. A breeze comes by and fills my nose with the smell of suntan oil. He’s using the oil on my back and it feels oh so good. His hands are so large and strong. He moves them down to my bottom and applies more oil. I spread my legs a little to make sure he has room, and… then the bus pulls up and I’m yanked back into reality as my kids come running up the driveway. Oh man, that was a good one! My husband and me, alone on the beach. I wonder when we can make that one happen?

Fantasies. They are a natural part of a healthy sex life. I mean, of course I’m going to fantasize about my husband and I in some strange and exotic place making hot love! There is nothing in the bible that says that I can’t.

Fantasies can cross the line and become sinful. God wants us to keep our hearts and minds pure, and focused only on our spouse. So if we fantasize about someone other than our spouse, it is sin.

Matthew 5:28 (King James Version)

28But I say unto you, That whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart.

I think it’s pretty clear that our Heavenly Father does not want us to lust after anyone else. Thinking of sexual scenarios between yourself and other people would definitely cross that line. This would include that handsome man you saw at the grocery store, as well as movie stars and singers. Just acknowledging that someone is attractive is okay. But when you start to mentally undress that person, or picture yourself with that person in an intimate way, that is where sin sets in. This would also include a fantasy of you and your husband and another person.

Genesis 2:24-25 (King James Version)

24Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh. 25And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed.

We are one flesh with our spouse. There is no shame in having sexual thoughts and fantasies about the one you are married to. When I masturbate, I’m usually remembering the last time my husband and I made love, or thinking of the possibility of the next time we will make love. Sometimes I make up a whole new place or time, but we are always married and together.

Philippians 4:7-8 (King James Version)

7And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus. 8Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.

Again, God’s word tells us to think on things that are good and pure. God joined you and your spouse together and your marriage bed is undefiled. Let the peace of God help to guard your heart and mind and keep your thoughts focused on yourself and your spouse. Sex between you two is not dirty. It is lovely and good and just and meant to be.

I want to encourage you to share your fantasies with your husband. Sharing fantasies together can be a very intimate and arousing thing. You may even be able to make some of them come true! Oh, and you remember that fantasy I was describing at the beginning? The one with us on the beach? Well, years ago my husband and I did indeed make love on a deserted beach, in the middle of the night. It was a fantasy of mine that we made come true, and it has given me a lifetime of memories to hold on to.


Erotic Letters


I love hearing my husband tell me all the sexual things he wants to do to me.  Reading about the sexual things he wants to do to me is a very close second.  I am a very visual person and when he sets the scenarios through his writing I am at that place and time.  I love it!!  You can start by writing a paragraph and then take turns expounding on that thought.  It can be a real life event that has already happened or think up a brand new, never been done encounter.  When my husband goes away on business he will sometimes place one of these stories in a spot where I will just happen to come across them.  He leaves them in my bed, in an email, on my computer stand or in my car.  Cuddling up with one of his letters sometimes leads to a special phone call but that is another topic.

What are the benefits of writing letters?  These letters are a great way to ‘experience’ something that you never would in real life.   You can also pretend to be something that you are not.  I’ll give you an example.  I truly dislike flying.  How those pretty, shiny, heavy, shark shaped things stay in the air is beyond me.  I will go on airplanes but I do a lot of praying beforehand.  In my letters I can be a flight attendant or even a pilot if I wanted to be.  It also allows you to talk about a thought or fantasy that you may be embarrassed to bring up face to face.  If there is something you want to try but too shy to bring up this may open the door for discussion.

The first time I did send my husband an erotic note he was kind of beside himself.  I think he was overwhelmed.  If you are thinking that yours may get overwhelmed then just send a short, steamy text message to his phone and see how he reacts.  Even a short note describing what you loved about your last encounter may be a way to ease into it.  Who knows, this new erotic letter could be your next fantasy come true!!!


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