Do you have a good body image? I haven’t really for most of my life. There have always been parts of me that I wished were different, but I would say in the last year or so I have come to the place were I really embrace how I am. The only thing I still didn’t like is that I was mildly, but uncomfortably overweight. I had an epiphany quite suddenly this past summer that involved the realization that perhaps I could actually do something to change this. So I made some minor, but effective changes and am well on my way to having a body that I feel better about. So I accepted the things that I could not change and started changing the things that I could.

As this relates to my sexual relationship with my husband, I really hated certain positions that showed the rolls on my belly and I felt like I wanted to give him something better to look at. Of course, he always loved and accepted me and he never said anything derogatory about my body, but he has also appreciated the effort I have made to get fit again. He is doing the same thing, working towards a more fit body and a healthier lifestyle.

Having lost a sizable amount of weight I definitely enjoy looking in the mirror more when we are having sex than I did before. I love running my hands over my thinner frame when we are intimate. Certain positions that were uncomfortable for me before are more erotic and passionate now. Sometimes when we are making love he will run his hands over my back and say “Man, you really have lost weight, haven’t you.” I love that I got victory in this area of my life that was pretty much out of control for quite some time.

What I am saying is that because this was important to me, having made the change has had a positive effect on our sex life, but it was just as important that I come to a place of accepting the parts of me that I could not change. I needed to embrace those things in order to walk confidently into my bedroom and be the sexy wife that I am now. God created me with certain physical features that are unchangeable (unless I was to get surgery of some kind to change it.) If I was still annoyed by my breast size and overly irritated by the shape of my nose, I believe that I wouldn’t be as free in all the areas of my life where I have seen freedom come, including my sexuality.

So I have happily found my way through this balancing act of learning to embrace who I am on every level and I feel better about myself than I ever have. Please know that I do not presume that the exact journey I have been on needs to happen for everyone in the same way it did for me. I needed to change the size of my body, but that may not be the thing God calls you to at this time, or at all for that matter. I do think, though, that all women need to come to a place where they love every part of themselves for it is then that we can be confident in who God has made us which will end up blessing everyone around us, including our husbands.

January 12, 2008
Categories: Women's Issues . . Author: cinnamonsticks . Comments: 14 Comments

I loved being pregnant. Nothing compares to feeling the baby’s first kick, watching your belly swell, hearing the heartbeat on the monitor, or seeing him/her on the ultrasound. Some people don’t care to have their belly rubbed but I was all for it. “You want to rub my belly? Here you go.” My brother’s wife had a very difficult pregnancy. She lost a bunch of weight, couldn’t keep any food or liquid down and she ended up being hospitalized. She didn’t see how it would be possible to have another baby even though my brother always wanted a slew of kids. It wasn’t guaranteed that she would become sick like that again but what if she did? Her son needed her. She couldn’t care for him if she were to have a similar pregnancy. This is when I had my brainstorm. I loved being pregnant, I’ll be her surrogate!!!!

My husband was not 100% for this plan. He would have to deal with my hormone fall out after the birth of the baby. When people would see his wife pregnant he would need to explain that I was carrying my brother’s baby. Would I be able to let go of the baby after giving birth to it? I tried to ease his mind by addressing his concerns. “But we won’t have a crying baby in our house in the middle of the night so I would be getting my sleep. It wasn’t hormones it was just lack of sleep.” “It’s not like I had sex with my brother! I would just be a house for the baby.” “ Of course I can give it up. It’s not like it’s really ‘my’ baby and I’m not a huge baby person anyway.” As my sister in law and brother were discussing the possibilities I started having irregular bleeding. I went for a bunch of tests and they all came back fine. Obviously this threw a wrench into our possible plans. I couldn’t possible be a surrogate with a wacky cycle happening.

Last week I attended a funeral service for a family member. As everyone paid their respects I looked behind me a spotted and 4 week old baby girl. The baby’s aunt was holding her and the baby started squirming. The aunt, who is just a teen and looking a bit unsure as to what to do, asked my mother if she wanted to hold the baby. My Mom said that she had to talk to some people first but would after that. Then it happened. This aunt made eye contact with me. “Hey Peppermint Girl, want to hold the baby?” I said OK and said a little prayer that the baby would not start screaming while in my arms. This place was so quiet you could have heard a pin drop. I took the little bundle in my arms; she looked at me with her gorgeous eyes, grabbed my coat with her tiny figures snuggled into my neck and fell asleep. Now that the baby wasn’t fussing anymore the aunt asked to take her back. Reluctantly I handed her over. That night while laying in bed my husband asked me what I was thinking about. I told him that I was thinking about the baby. I couldn’t stop thinking about her. I held her for 15 minutes tops and I still felt empty handing her back. Maybe I was more of a baby person then I thought.

Back when my cycles were irregular we made a decision that me being a surrogate was out of the question. The cycle following that conversation and every one after were fine. No irregular bleeding. I honestly think that God was giving me a message during my irregular time and I didn’t realize it until last week. I don’t think I could have given birth and given the baby away without feeling a tiny bit empty. God has a plan and I guess this wasn’t part of it. Hmmmm, Maybe His plan is for us to have one more of our own!!! Now I need to convince hubby to get a vasectiomy reversal. Do they even make cars that seat 6 kids?

January 6, 2008
Categories: Women's Issues . . Author: peppermintgirl . Comments: 11 Comments

I’m starting to feel crampy and bloated.

That can only mean one thing: my period will be here soon.

That is a bummer for a variety of reasons, the least of which is that GingerPapa and I have both been under the weather lately and there hasn’t been as much conjugal activity as usual. So now I’m getting ready for 5-6 days of The Red Menace, and I’m in the mood for love.

What to do?

Well, there are all sorts of things that we can do. Now granted, for the first couple of days I’m crampy and sore and want to be left alone. But by the third day we have to start making alternate arrangements.

Before I even start the list I want to mention that I know very well that some people go ahead and have intercourse during their period. We’ve tried it, but I just don’t care for it. If it works for you, run with it, but it’s not my favorite thing to do.

So without further ado, here’s a little list of ideas to tide you over:

1. Breast sex. This is something that I really enjoy on occasion. I love for my husband to play with my breasts, and so it’s really cool visually for him to go from sucking them to molding them around himself. We add a little lube to my cleavage, and away we go! He can ejaculate on me, which is a great visual for him.

2. Oral sex. Although oral play is a regular part of our lovemaking, I don’t often give him oral all the way to completion because we’re doing so many other things. So during my period sometimes I like to just take him in my mouth and do the whole whammy. It’s a nice surprise for him. But it’s not totally sacrificial, because I really get excited to see how excited he’s getting and well, it’s all good.

3. Anal sex. I think that Cumingirl has done a great job of describing the how-to’s of that. All of the usual foreplay, but with back door entry.

4. Semi-vaginal sex. We’ve done a sort of modified vaginal thing where he doesn’t actually enter my vagina per se, but I kind of wrap my outer labia around him, and he slides up and down. I’m not sure how to describe that better.

Some couples like to do manual sex at this time. Cumingirl has written a great piece on that, complete with a link to an instructional site.

Some couples also like to do something dubbed “The Scarlet Kiss.” The freshly showered wife inserts a clean tampon and then her husband proceeds to perform oral sex on her, just avoiding the area with the tampon. Not for everybody, but it’s an option.

So when it’s getting to be that time of the month, surprise your hubby with some new ideas for the bedroom. You’ll be glad you did!

January 5, 2008
Categories: Women's Issues . . Author: cumingirl . Comments: 4 Comments

It took me almost 11 years of marriage to love sex like I do now. I feel like I have lost something though…my body is older now, and it does not work like it used to when I was younger. The one thing that I notice the most that bothers me the most is my ability to produce my own natural lubrication. It just doesn’t happen anymore….well, it does slightly when I am ovulating, but that is the time when my husband and I practice our NFP and come up with other ways to satisfy our needs. I decided to do some research on natural lubrications.

It was disheartening at first to read that some women have the opposite reaction to me…they produce too much lube! But then I found one site that I giggled at…Dr. Sue Johanson suggests on her website that when we produce our own natural lubrication, that we are “horny” (her words). SO that is my problem! I am not horny! (Sorry, I just had to giggle there) Estrogen is a major factor in self lubrication. As you approach your late 30’s and early 40’s, the level of estrogen in your body may not be as high and when you were younger. THIS made more sense to me. I am possibly entering in the perimenopausal stage of my life, so changes in the hormones in my body do and will affect my sex life now.

So what am I to do about lubrication? I can tell you that sex without it can be painful for me, so my husband and I went through a process of elimination to choose the right lube for us. We tried KY Jelly and found it very sticky and not too comfortable. We tried Astroglide as well. I like it better than KY. Then we heard about coconut oil.

At first, I was like…”Don’t you cook with coconut oil”, but coconut oil was non greasy, it didn’t stain our sheets, it was inexpensive (we buy Louana coconut oil at Walmart for $3 a tub), and it worked awesome! Since we don’t use condoms, we have no problem with using coconut oil, but if you do use condoms, be sure to choose a water based lube. The oil will break down a condom. Now there are times when I do like to go back to Astroglide or we’ve even tried flavored lubes like Juicy Lube (great for oral sex!!!) , but for the bang for the buck (hee hee), coconut oil is the way to go.

aka nutmeg nympho

January 3, 2008
Categories: Women's Issues . . Author: nutmegnympho . Comments: 5 Comments

My friend gingermama was the one who first tipped me off about this wonderful little invention. The Diva Cup is an alternative to tampons and I have loved using mine. I love it because the Diva Cup is reusable so people who use a Diva Cup are saving money and space in the landfill. I love that it is comfortable to wear and as long as it is properly fitted it is leak proof. It probably took me three cycles to get used to using it, but it really has been great. You can buy it online which was the cheapest way I found, but there are also a growing number of health food stores and pharmacies that are carrying it.

December 24, 2007
Categories: Women's Issues . . Author: cinnamonsticks . Comments: 9 Comments